Find the Horizon

The next day, Sidney walked into Katie’s room after practice around three. She was out of bed, dressed in a pair of flannel pajama pants and a plain black shirt. She looked up and saw Sidney, then smiled. “Hey. I watched the game, congrats on the win!”

“Thank you,” Sidney grinned. “Should you be out of bed?”

“I need to walk around to get the blood circulating,” she explained. “Want to come see the rest of my hospital room? I can give you the grand tour.”

Sidney nodded. “Sure.”

He walked over to her and followed Katie as she showed him around the room. She was a lot smaller than he thought she’d be, standing at only five-two. She took the video camera and pointed it at Sidney.

“It’s Thursday April 16th and Sidney is back for another visit. I’m giving him the grand tour of my luxurious hospital room. Let’s begin.” She focused on the bed. “This is my bed where I spend most of my time,” she said. Panning around the room, she continued. “That’s the window that saves me from wanting to kill myself on a daily basis. Sunshine helps a lot. Those are the flowers my stepdad bought me, and those are the Polaroids I’ve been taking of my friends who come and visit so I can put them all around the room. It’s like they’re always here with me.”

Sidney glanced around the room and saw numerous Polaroid pictures, some of just other people and some with her and her friends. He saw one of Katie and Andrew together, big smiles, without a care in the world. It made his heart feel heavy, but he didn’t know why.

“This way is the bathroom,” Katie continued as Sidney followed after her. “I wake up most mornings and throw up into that toilet. Which is okay. And I have to brush my teeth with one of these,” she said, holding up what looked like a little blue sponge on the end of a thin plastic stick.

“Why’s that?” Sidney asked, genuinely curious.

“The doctors told me that if my platelets are low, I can start getting sores in my mouth that would bleed and make life miserable for me. And so I’ve decided to follow their instructions and use this to keep my mouth from getting gross, followed by this baking soda mouthwash.”

Sidney noticed something out of the corner of his eye. “And what are those for?”

Katie looked over at where Sidney was pointing. Quietly, she said, “Those are for cutting my hair and shaving my head.” She glanced up at Sidney. “I was going to do it by myself, but...since you’re here...do you think you could help me?”

Sidney looked into Katie’s eyes. Without hesitation, he said, “How could I say no?”

Katie handed Sidney the camera and took the scissors in her hands. Sidney could already see that pieces of her hair were falling out from the chemo. She brought the blades up to her long tresses and cut them, letting them fall into the trash. Sidney filmed the whole thing in silence.

After Katie had finished cutting the length, she took the electric shaver and held it out to Sidney. He took it and gave the camera back to Katie. She held it steady facing the mirror, watching as Sidney slowly started shaving off the rest of her hair.

“I’m going to enjoy keeping this buzz cut while it lasts,” she mused. “Soon I won’t have any hair left at all.”

“You’re still beautiful no matter what,” Sidney said quietly. He wondered if Katie had even heard him.

Apparently she did, because her cheeks turned a hue of pink and she whispered back, “Thank you.”

When Sidney was done, she gave him back the camera and examined herself in the mirror. She ran a hand over her nearly bare head, allowing herself to become more acquainted with her new reflection.

“I like it,” she joked. “It makes me look tough.”

Sidney laughed and Katie turned to face the camera, still beaming.

“Thank you, Sidney. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “I’m just glad I could be here for you.”

Sidney went home that night feeling conflicted. He didn’t understand how it was possible for Katie to look so frail on the outside, but be so strong on the inside. He wanted to know how she managed to stay so positive all the time. She had just cut off all her hair, and was going to be completely bald in a matter of days. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to stay so cheerful if the roles were reversed.

“Are you okay, Sidney?” Nathalie, Mario’s wife asked as he sat at the kitchen counter with his chin in his hands.

“Hm?” he mumbled distractedly. “Sorry, Nathalie. Lot on my mind right now.”

“The playoffs?” she questioned in a tone that made Sidney assume she knew what he was thinking.

“Uh,” he began. “Not quite.”

Her eyebrows raised high in the air. “What, then? Game two is tomorrow.”

“If I tell you, can you promise to not tell Mario?” Sidney pleaded. “I don’t want him to think that I’m getting distracted during the playoffs.”

“But you are,” Nathalie noted. “But alright, I won’t tell him. What is it?”

Sidney sighed and gazed off into the distance. “There’s this girl that I met.” This immediately piqued her interest. “When the team went to go visit the kids in the hospital, I saw her there. She’s twenty-one and has leukemia. I’ve been visiting her for the past few days, and today she asked me to help shave her head because the chemo is making her hair fall out. And she’s just so happy and positive all the time, and I just don’t understand how.”

Nathalie thought for a moment. “Everyone is different. Maybe having this disease has given her a new outlook on life. Maybe she’s one of those people who want to make it through to show the world that anything is possible.”

“Maybe,” Sidney nodded. “You should have seen her today, Nathalie. After her hair was all gone...she still looked so beautiful. I can’t even describe it. You’d think that after losing all her hair, she’d be upset or at least it would show on her face that she was unhappy...but all I saw was happiness.”

“She sounds like quite the remarkable girl,” Nathalie decided. “Maybe we should meet her after all.”

Sidney smiled. “I just hope she makes it through everything and that they kill all the cancer cells in her body. She’s such a great person, inside and out.”

Nathalie smirked. “You love her.”

Sidney’s eyes flew up to meet hers. “I’ve only known her for a few days.”

“And listen to yourself,” Nathalie teased. “You’re simply head-over-heels. It’s cute.”

Sidney blushed, but didn’t reply. He just took in a deep breath and stared down at his hands.

“Maybe I am,” he said after a while. “But I don’t know if I’m supposed to be.”