I promised, but I crossed my fingers
True Lies? False Reality?
It was to hard to try to fix myself. I gave up, what was the use of trying and trying if you knew at the end it would only lead to failure. What was the purpose of existing if nothing changed?
I went silent. I didn’t speak. I didn’t write. I refused to move. I refused to eat. I was a statue. I was a danger to everyone. The doctors started seeing no hope so the put me on monitors that fed me and a breathing tube. I stayed that way for a long time. I couldn’t tell you how long. But I knew there was medicine in the tube, I could feel it. I went into surgery a few times, I didn’t know why. But slowly they took me off the monitors, and I began to feel better.
When I began speaking again I was in control of my words and thoughts. I felt normal, not ready to go shoot myself. I went out and it was two years later. I was a different person and ready to go into society (with my meds of course) and interact. Just like any other person, and just being able to say that, felt AMAZING.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself now. With the help of others I have overcome the impossible. I have conquered serious depression and compulsive lying. I am 16 now, and 5’ 5”. I am going in high school and doing well with my classes. I want to go to collage and get a physiology degree. I plan on dating soon and maybe even something serious. Depression is hard to overcome, and sometimes u just have to stop and get help, but I know how it is. When I jumped off a cliff, I almost didn’t come back. A part of me, still wishes I hadn’t come back. But if I did it again, I wouldn’t come back. Maybe not that much has changed. I still wish I wasn’t around. I’m a burden. But at least I am in control now. Soon I’ll be moving out. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m lying. After all, I crossed my fingers.
I went silent. I didn’t speak. I didn’t write. I refused to move. I refused to eat. I was a statue. I was a danger to everyone. The doctors started seeing no hope so the put me on monitors that fed me and a breathing tube. I stayed that way for a long time. I couldn’t tell you how long. But I knew there was medicine in the tube, I could feel it. I went into surgery a few times, I didn’t know why. But slowly they took me off the monitors, and I began to feel better.
When I began speaking again I was in control of my words and thoughts. I felt normal, not ready to go shoot myself. I went out and it was two years later. I was a different person and ready to go into society (with my meds of course) and interact. Just like any other person, and just being able to say that, felt AMAZING.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself now. With the help of others I have overcome the impossible. I have conquered serious depression and compulsive lying. I am 16 now, and 5’ 5”. I am going in high school and doing well with my classes. I want to go to collage and get a physiology degree. I plan on dating soon and maybe even something serious. Depression is hard to overcome, and sometimes u just have to stop and get help, but I know how it is. When I jumped off a cliff, I almost didn’t come back. A part of me, still wishes I hadn’t come back. But if I did it again, I wouldn’t come back. Maybe not that much has changed. I still wish I wasn’t around. I’m a burden. But at least I am in control now. Soon I’ll be moving out. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m lying. After all, I crossed my fingers.