Just Keep Your Head Above

"I have to tell him," I spoke nodding my head, even though my mind was still debating both options. After bawling my eyes out for a while, I finally made my way up the stairs where Charlie found me crawled up in my bed. "When did I become this person?" I asked looking up at him, completely scared I had no idea who I am or had been.

"I don't know Core, but I know you're a good kid and I know you," He said running out of words to provide solace. He grinned as new words came out, "you're my kid sister, the one who always did stupid stuff with me and Chase and comforted me when we were sick and has too much love in your heart," He smiled hugging me tightly. I heard his voice get low with sadness and I knew he meant them.

"Charlie, don't tell anyone, but you're my favorite brother," I whispered in his ear before letting out a tiny laugh. I still felt the guilt welting up in my gut and my head was spinning around. "How do I even tell him? I can't break his heart," I cried softly hugging my knees to my chest.

"Cory, you're doing the right thing, and Garrett-he loves you and I think he'll understand," Charlie said standing up from the edge of my bed. I saw his shoulder damp with tears on his white v-neck.

"Come one Charlie, would you forgive someone if they cheated on you? Would you understand?" I asked skeptically raising an eyebrow at him. I wiped my eyes and pulled my covers up to my chin and collapsing into the plush pillows feeling completely useless in this world.

"Uh, well," He stuttered trying to find the right words. He stretched his arm and scratched his head trying to buy some time. I was about to open my mouth to say 'exactly' when he spoke, "it's the right thing Cory, no one ever said it was easy, but when you're honest everything works out."

Charlie walked out of my room without saying another word and I stared at the place he had just been. I knew he was right, but dammit every fiber of my being wished he wasn't. Part of me wished I had never found this out. I felt my eye lids grow heavy from the tears I cried. I readjusted my head in the pillows taking a huge breath and slowly exhaling and drifting off to sleep.

I felt the soft fabric of his sheets all over my body, his arm cast over my waist as we stared at each other. His blue eyes never seemed so bright, I sighed feeling an involuntary smile curl up my lips. I kissed his lips again, both of ours swollen from kissing.

"What are you thinking right now?" I asked softly, there was no one else in his house and all the lights were off. I heard the sounds of Death Cab for Cutie playing softly in the background as I moved closer to him.

"How perfect you are," He answered with an innocent grin on his face, showing he knew how cheesy it is. His arm moved from my waist to my arm and gently rubbed it kissing me on the cheek.

"Garrett, I'm not perfect," I laughed blushing lightly before bringing my knees up and wrapping my legs in his, our feet intertwined. A light turned on down the hall and I felt a sense of paranoia grow in my stomach. I slipped out of his embrace and collected my clothes off the ground, putting them on as I found them.

"No, Cory, you are absolutely perfect," Garrett stood up putting on a pair of boxers before grinning at me. I heard footsteps coming down the hall and I pulled on my black and white baseball shirt as he pulled on basketball shorts.

"Garrett," I spoke tears growing in my eyes feeling the guilt in my stomach for everything I had done in my life that was less than perfect. Being on this pedestal was too much, especially with the look in his eyes. That scared me more than anything. I heard knocking at the door and I smiled before throwing my mess of hair into a bun before opening the door.

"Oh hey Cory!" Mrs. Nickelsen smiled at me, "I had no idea you were over, do you want to stay for dinner?" She asked looking at Garrett who at this time had a shirt on too, sitting at his computer doing something. We looked completely innocent.

"That sounds perfect, can I sneak past you?" I asked making my way to the restroom down the hall as Mrs. Nickelsen announced dinner would be in forty minutes. I made my way into the restroom and stared at myself in the mirror for a while, wondering if I looked different now. I heard the footsteps go down the hall and my way back into Garrett's room.

"Are you okay?" I asked upon seeing Garrett in bed looking rather distraught wondering what he was doing staring vacantly ahead. I crawled into bed next to him and saw facing him.

"Nope, Cory, my heart has been racing lately, my stomach hurts, I can't eat and I can't sleep," Garrett stared straight ahead until he turned to look into my eyes. "And it's because of you," he whispered. I was confused on how I could make him sick, but before I could ask him he kissed my forehead. His breath grew shaky and he swallowed before speaking again. "I'm in love with you Cory," Garrett finally spoke with the perfect tone.

"I love you too," I laughed before feeling like a weight was lifted off my chest, tears welling up my eyes. Garrett laughed before kissing me and wrapping me into his arms. "You terrify me Garrett Nickelsen," I whispered in his ear as I listened to his heart beating steadily in his chest.

"Why?" He asked his voice sounded thick with fatigue, I looked up to see his eyes were closed as he rubbed my back making me feel like I could stay here together.

"You have my heart, you could break it," I whispered, the sleepiness oddly contagious before I shut my eyes too.

"I would never, ever hurt you Cory," He whispered after he chuckled and brought me in tighter to his embrace. "Till the day I die, I swear because I feel complete when I'm with you." I fell asleep with his breath tickling my forehead and his arms keeping me warm.

I woke up in a cold sweat feeling my breath short and concise. It was a perfect dream, except it was real. I knew it was, after a while I could tell the difference between memories and dreams as they came back to me. I pressed my hands firmly on my face before letting subtle tears fall down my face. I knew he would never hurt me and I hurt him in the worst way.

I picked up my cell phone and saw that it was nearly midnight, I scrolled through my address book before seeing Garrett's number and pressing call. Every dial I felt the tears flowing more profusely and I hoped he was busy and wouldn't pick up.

"Hey darling?" I choked on my breath, "Cory? Are you okay?" His voice was deep with concern and I bit my lip sitting up and taking a giant breath trying to relax myself.

"Garrett?" I asked, you could hear the fact I had been crying in my voice and I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. I felt like such a wreck and I wondered why he would ever love me.

"Cory, what's wrong," He asked with a very serious tone.

"Nothing really, can you come over?" I asked resting my head on my knees I had drawn to my chest. I looked at myself and saw that I was still in the clothes I had worn earlier. He told me he'd be right there and I got up changing into a pair of boxers and an oversized sweater. Literally, five minutes later Garrett rushed into my room with Charlie behind him.

"Babe, what's wrong?!" He asked wrapping me in his arms tightly and I felt ten times worse than I had more tears coming. "Cory, come on, what happened? You know you can tell me anything," He whispered in my ear. I looked over his shoulder and saw Charlie give me a nod before closing the door.

"I did something, something really bad," I cried softly, as he tried to wipe tears off my cheeks at the same rate they were falling. It only made me hurt more inside and I pushed his hands down and held them in mine. "Please just tell me, you can forgive me," I looked him straight in the eyes.

"Of course," He nodded.

"I cheated on you, I just found out today and-" I began and I saw something I'd never seen before in his eyes: anger. He stood straight up and wiped his hands on his skinny jeans, his eyes darting around and I started sobbing. His mouth was hanging open, tears pooling in his bright blue eyes as his eyebrows buried in anger.

"You? I thought we loved each other- Y-y-you? How? Why?" He began to raise his voice, as his hand covered his forehead and he started to pace around.

"I don't know," I whispered, feeling the steady stream of tears coming down my cheeks like an endless rain.

"What do you mean you don't know? Of course you know!" Garrett begun yelling and I bit my lip shaking my head only making him more angry. He got back onto the edge of the bed and grabbed my wrists tightly shaking me. "I have to know! I HAVE TO, TELL ME WHY?" He screamed tears finally breaking past the barrier of his eyes.

"Garrett, back off," Charlie came in after his yelling ripping him away from me and I cried harder despite the fact I couldn't cry harder. "She doesn't know man! She didn't even know till today, she's been like this all day and I mean she wouldn't just do it, she's Cory man, you know her," Charlie tried to calm Garrett down which worked somewhat.

"No-no," He shook his head wiping his eyes on his sleeves, he pointed a finger at me staring Charlie right in the eyes. "I have no idea who she is, that can't be the girl I fell in love with," He brushed off angrily before Charlie chased after him leaving me alone.

"You don't know who she is?! She doesn't even know who she is, but I can tell you she loves you. She doesn't know who you are and she loves you!" I could hear Charlie yell at him and I suddenly just felt numb, I just wanted to sleep. So I did, secretly praying I would never wake up.