Sing Me To Sleep

Cassadee parked the car on the curb, behind Katy’s mom’s car. Katy felt her stomach do flips. What would she say to her mom if she asked why she wasn’t at school? She was a terrible liar, and her mother knew that.

Cassadee was already out of the car and by the front of the house by the time Katy had unbuckled her seatbelt. She walked slowly up to the door, her heart in her throat. She unlocked the door and glared at Cassadee with a ‘be fucking quiet or I will rip your hair out’ expression. Cassadee rolled her eyes as Katy quickly walked along to her mother’s bedroom. Katy lived in a tiny bungalow – when Katy’s father left to go on his grand ‘adventure’, they stopped getting his salary, so they only had her mother’s various shifts to get by. Her mother was unqualified, but she had always worked, but for fuck-all money. That had never mattered much before – Katy’s father had provided for them both. But he was gone now.

She creaked the door open, and sure enough, just like Cassadee had predicted, Katy’s mother was out for the count on her small bed in her small room. Katy sighed, her heart-aching at the sight of her worn out mother. She felt really bad that her mom had to work so hard. She slipped out of the room, pressing the door closed silently before turning back to Cassadee.

“She’s asleep,” Katy whispered. “C’mon.”

Cassadee followed the older girl into her room.

Katy sat on the mattress, bringing her legs beneath her as Cassadee settled herself near the foot of the bed.

“Why do you do it?”

“Straight to the point,” Katy mumbled. “Classic Cassadee.” She averted the other girl’s eyes.

“Answer me, Katy. Please.”

Katy looked up at Cassadee, inspecting and analysing her expression. She sighed and looked at her fingers.

“I… Okay.” Katy set her eyebrows and stared hard at her plain blue bed sheets. She supposed if she told Cassadee, she would finally shut up. If she made her promise she wouldn’t tell, then it would be okay… Hopefully. “If I tell you, Cass, you have to promise not to tell anyone. You have to promise not to do anything.” Her eyes shot up to lock with Cassadee’s. “You have to promise.”

“Katy, you’re scaring me…,” Cassadee said unsurely, eyeing the small girl carefully.

“Just promise, Cassadee, or you can go right now,” Katy told her bluntly.

“I…” Cassadee stared at Katy for a minute before sighing. “Okay,” she caved. “I promise.” Katy nodded and stared at the bed sheets again.

“Alex is to do with part of it, yes,” she confirmed. Cassadee opened her mouth. “Wait,” Katy requested. Cassadee shut her mouth, much to her disgruntlement. “He’s a big part… but there’s other factors too, Cassadee. You have to understand that I wouldn’t do this just because of him. I’m not that pathetic.” She looked Cassadee in the eyes to enforce her seriousness. Cassadee gave her a sympathetic look.

No. Katy didn’t want her sympathy. She scowled.

Katy looked down before continuing.

“Lindsey bullies me, too,” she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck.

“What?!” Cassadee sounded outraged.

“I’m not done,” Katy replied harshly, still staring at the bed. Cassadee forcefully closed her mouth and folded her arms, a look of frustration on her face.

“She flushed my ring down the toilet. She’s flushed my head down the toilet a few times. She calls me names; pinches me. Takes my stuff… Tells me that Alex hates me…

Then there’s my mom and dad. Cassadee, you have to understand that when my dad left it felt like I’d done something wrong. Like I’d fucked up so badly that he had to leave; that he couldn’t be near me. It’s my fault my dad left, and therefore my fault that my mom is alone and that she has to work so hard. If she didn’t have to pay for everything for me she could be so much happier. I’d leave if it meant my dad would come back. I don’t want her to be all alone, Cassadee.” A sob escaped Katy’s chest. She carried on, shaking.

“I hate myself so much. Hurting myself… it feels like punishment. I deserve punishment. I deserve punishment for falling for my best friend, and I deserve punishment for hurting my mom.”

“And what do you deserve for Lindsey bullying you?” Cassadee asked angrily. “You do not deserve to hurt because of those things, Katy. Your dad shouldn’t have left. He’s irresponsible and you and your mom are better off without him. Maybe not right now, but in the future. He’s lousy; you’re both so much better than him. Plus your mom loves you, Katy. She would never want you to leave. The fact she hasn’t given up is a testament to that. And you do not deserve punishment for falling for Alex. He doesn’t hate you, Katy. He thinks the world of you; you’re his best friend, alongside Jack. In fact, I think you over-rule Jack in his books. People fall for people. It happens. It’s not wrong. It’s human nature.” She couldn’t believe her best friend was cutting her arms, scarring herself, for these absurd reasons.

Katy began to sob harder. Cassadee’s expression and mood softened and she frowned, pulling the older girl close and wrapped her arms around her. She rocked her back and forth, pressing small kisses to the top of her head and whispering reassuring words in her ear.

Cassadee stared out of the window at the blue sky. It looked so peaceful… so calm… such a contrast to the atmosphere in the room she was in. She sighed and averted her stare to the giant orange orb in the sky. She wished it could shine down on Katy and help her…

“Fuck, the sun is bright today,” Alex grumbled with scrunched eyes as he lay back on the grassy bank. Jack sat cross-legged next to him, leaning back on his arms and staring at the river in front of them. He nodded absently, looking at the view of Baltimore they had from the small hill. Jack loved this city. All his friends were here. His mom and dad… the only people it was really missing were his brother and sister, but he saw them often so he didn’t complain much about that. Mostly everyone he cared about was right here, in one of the buildings of the vast city.

Jack sighed and lay back next to his best friend, thinking about Katy. He and Alex had ditched school, and Katy had been on his mind since. He checked his watch; it was one-forty-five in the afternoon. He would have to leave Alex in fifteen minutes to go to Katy’s house.

His stomach flipped at that thought. He didn’t know if he wanted to know what was going down with the younger girl. It scared him. He had a bad feeling about it… What if it was serious? What if the reason was that Katy was going away forever? What if it was that she was sick? What if it was terminal? She was like the little sister he never had – he couldn’t lose her! Negative thoughts rushed through Jack’s mind like an express train. He took a shaky breath and pressed his hands to his face. He didn’t want to deal with this – but he had to. He had to help Cassadee help Katy, even if it hurt more than Jack would like. He wanted Katy to be okay.

“Jack… Earth to Jack…” Alex knocked on Jack’s head. Jack blinked and turned his head to look at the brunette.

“What?” Jack grumbled, rubbing his head.

“Did you hear what I said? Do you wanna go to my house and hang out before band practise?” The older boy sat up and fiddled with his hair.

“Uh…” Jack couldn’t. He had to go to Katy’s house. Alex would ask why Jack couldn’t go over to his. What was he going to say?!

“Well?” Alex asked, looking back at Jack. ‘Think!’ Jack’s mind hollered.

“I… I can’t. Er… my mom wants me to… um… she wants me to help her with chores,” he lied atrociously, his cheeks turning pink. Alex raised an eyebrow, but didn’t push the matter. Jack wouldn’t tell him even if he asked. He’d gone to the trouble of lying – something Jack was terrible at, something Jack knew he was terrible at – so Alex knew he wouldn’t divulge any information.

“Okay,” Alex said, shrugging. Jack’s heartbeat slowed considerably when Alex seemingly bought the lie.

“Cool,” Jack muttered, standing up. “I have to leave now otherwise she’ll be wondering where I am…,” he said, tripping down the bank quickly. He had to walk because Katy normally drove him home from school.

“Hey,” Alex called after him. Jack froze. “Do you think I’ll get back to school in time to catch Katy’s ride?”

Jack felt dizzy.

“Uh… No,” he muttered. “I’ll see you at practise. ’Bye Alex.”

Alex watched Jack run away, confused. He quickly made the decision to follow.

Alex was stealth in following his best friend. He felt kind of silly doing so… Jack was probably lying because it was really personal to him. Alex was feeling like a huge dick… up until they reached their neighbourhood and Jack took a wrong turn, however. Then he turned back into the nosy parker he’d been at the river bank.

‘Where the fuck is he going?’ Alex wondered as his friend went down the wrong street quickly.

Alex walked quickly to keep up, his mind teaming with questions and assumptions.

He was even more confused when Jack turned onto Katy’s street. Then jealously struck – maybe she’d invited him to her house after Alex’d left at lunch, when they were getting close. Why had he left? At least he would know what was going on right now for sure. He cussed himself out and almost missed Jack knocking on Katy’s door. Katy’s mom answered, smiled briefly at Jack and said something before slipping past the boy and walking towards her car. Alex was currently crouched behind their neighbour’s car, watching as Jack entered the small house.

Alex waited until Katy’s mom drove away to stand up. When he did, there was a scowl etched on his face. So, what was this?! Was Katy going to tell Jack what was wrong? Then was he going to tell Katy it was going to be okay, and then would he kiss her? The worst was running through Alex’s mind as he stormed away from the bungalow. Ridiculous scenarios ran across his brain like a bad television show, flickering between channels, but all of the shows had the same fucking characters, the same heart-wrenching outcomes. He couldn’t fucking take this. He couldn’t.

‘I can’t take this,’ Jack told himself as he stared at the two girls on the bed. ‘Something is fucking wrong. Oh God. Why did Cassadee ask me? Why? Oh my-…’ Jack’s thoughts were interrupted when Cassadee looked up to him and jumped, squeaking out an “oh!” which, in turn, caused Katy to turn around from the embrace to look at Jack.

She dried her eyes quickly, embarrassed that Jack had seen her crying, and gave him a small smile.

The smile did nothing for Jack, though, and he felt his breaths coming faster. He swayed a bit before he felt someone’s hands steadying him.

“Whoa, Jack, calm down,” Cassadee told him, eyeing him carefully. Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Sorry, I just… I’m freaking the fuck out. You guys are being so weird!” he complained, looking between the girls. Cassadee sighed and sat down next to Katy again. She patted the other side, indicating that Jack should sit, too. Jack did as he was told and kept looking between the two girls.

“I…,” Cassadee began, looking at Jack. She aborted this and looked at Katy. “Are you… do you mind me telling him? I just… I really can’t help you on my own, Katy.” Her bottom lip trembled. Katy bit her lip.

“I… I guess it’s okay,” she whispered, looking down. “You… I… Just don’t tell him why…”

Jack would have called both girls out on talking about him like he wasn’t there if not for the atmosphere in the room. It was tense; wound tightly. Jack knew the meaning of ‘cutting the tension with a knife’, now. It was making him uncomfortable again.

Soon enough, however, Cassadee turned back to him. She took a deep breath, and the words came out in a slurred rush.

“Katy’sselfharming,” she mumbled, a tear dripping down her face. Jack was confused for a moment before the words made sense in his head. Then it was empty. He was speechless. It felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. He looked at Katy, who was blushing and looking down at her hands.

“Katy,” he said. She raised her eyebrows to let him know she was listening, but wouldn’t look at him. That wasn’t enough for Jack. So he repeated her name, with more force, and she finally looked up at him, her lip trembling.

“Why?” was all he said. His brow was mashed together in an angry line. Katy felt guilty. She looked down at her hands and swallowed back her sobs.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled quietly, rubbing furiously at her eye.

“What?” Jack growled. “I can’t hear you. Why? Katy, why the fuck? How?”

Katy let out a sob. Jack hated her now. She had known this was a bad idea. Why had she let Cassadee tell him? She should have just said no. Everything would have been okay. Jack would probably tell Alex now, tell him how pathetic she was, and Alex would think her disgusting and stupid, even more so than he already did.

Sobs were racking her body now, and she crawled up to the head of her bed to curl into a ball. She vaguely heard Jack and Cassadee saying things, but she didn’t care.

“Get out,” she sobbed. “GET OUT!”

Cassadee and Jack’s voices’ stopped. A few minutes later Katy felt the bed shift, indicating that they had gotten up, and a few more minutes after that she heard the front door close.