Status: Temporary Hiatus - starting College soon, will resume shortly.
Wir sind Eins wie Yin und Yang
Chapter One.
I was beginning to give up wanting life to make sense. As I wandered aimlessly down the streets of Berlin I couldn’t help but want more from my life. I’m an eighteen-year-old English brunette girl living and working in Berlin. Sounds great right? But this isn’t what I want, I’m constantly bored, constantly empty. I know there’s more than this, and I know that I deserve it.
Long story short, two years ago I had an amazing boyfriend, but he’d broken up with me after a few months. I still wasn’t over him. Two years, and I still couldn’t let him go, I’m living in a new country, I know new people I have a completely new life, but it still follows me around hanging just under the surface it won’t let me forget.
It was night in the city, and strange as it sounds, it was beautiful. The noise, coloured lights clashing with each other, the graffiti; I loved every part of this city. I kept walking trying to let my mind forget about everything that was bothering me in the moment, it was difficult I’ll admit. I’d been having an especially hard time recently. My parents were divorcing and my Mum refused to speak to me since I decided I was moving away to Germany from our crappy little home in England. My job didn’t have the greatest pay in the world, but it got me places and I could keep up rent on my apartment. And, I couldn’t help but feel a little lonely from time to time, I’ve been living here in Berlin for four months now, and still I hadn’t managed to make any real friends. People rarely spoke to me, and lets just say I’m not the world’s most confident teenage girl.
Finally I reached my destination, the Fernsehturm. Yes, I was going up the television tower, again. I’ve found being that high just being able to look right over Berlin, it calms me a lot, plus, if you can ignore the restaurant noise, it’s a good place to think for a while if you need to. Not the mention the awesome feeling you get going up the speedy elevator to the top, 6m/s, pretty impressive for a vertical cable car.
Reaching the top I walked half way around the 360 panoramic room to sit in my favourite spot, people rarely ventured round this far, usually finding the stairs up to the restaurant to go and eat while staring out over the city. I can’t argue, it’s a great feeling, but the food is expensive, and I’ve got (for once) full cupboards at home which I can raid when I get back home. Instead of joining the hordes of people, I sat and watched the traffic in the city moving slowly around, the lights glittering every now and then. I looked to my right at the Brandenburg Gate, and further right as the Reichstag was just next to it, it's glass dome on its roof reflecting the city lights.
I reached into my pocket and inserted my headphones into my ears turning my iPod on to block out the world around as best as I could manage while I stared out into a city scene and I could imagine a new life for myself, one where I’m not a nobody, one where people love me and want to be me, one where he still loves me. I hated that even here in my own universe, he still managed to creep in past all my defences, I can’t get him off my mind for more than a second. My thoughts cannot linger on him, a feeling of delight betrays me. The butterflies flutter in my stomach if my mind wanders for even a second. I wish I could control my emotions, my reaction to his touch; but the power they portray is untameable. This is unrequited love. But he’s not here to touch. He hasn’t been mine to hold for a very long time.
As I sat glaring out at the city, I was vaguely aware of the odd bit of movement behind me when a person occasionally managed to make it past the enticing stair way to the overly-priced restaurant. Under the drone of my music I could hear voices behind me, I couldn’t make out what the mumbling was so I paused my music, I’m sure since this is a public area, they wouldn’t mind me listening in… not that they would know I was, hopefully.
“The food was definitely not good enough for the price we paid! It was tasteless and they only gave us a tiny portion, it’s unacceptable.” One disgruntled voice said.
“Just let it go, we’ll have to remember not to come here again.” Someone else with a deeper voice replied.
“Well it’s just a shame, the view was so nice.”
“So we’ll just stay and look over Berlin for a while and we can just forget about the food.” Another person input.
Oh the hardship of some people’s lives. Yes the food was overpriced, but you have just had a meal at the top of a television tower in the middle of Berlin. What were you expecting? 5-Star dining? I sat waiting for them to leave again before I started playing my music again. As I heard them walk away I turned my head to see who it was that had realised how bad the eatery was here and I saw four figures, though, two of them were dressed oddly. One, the tallest, or I thought he was the tallest, it was hard to tell; he had his darkened hair styled upwards in an odd kind of way which seemed to suite him. He had an overall dark look about him, a black leather jacket and jeans which clung tight to his stick thin legs. He was beautiful, in a modern kind of way. Another one of the group seemed to completely contrast with the previous guy, though the colour scheme was similar his clothes just hung off him, I couldn’t really tell if he’d deliberately bought oversized clothing or if he just couldn’t afford to buy anything that fit him right, but then I figured he probably wouldn’t have been eating up here if that was the case. Two others accompanied the pair, though they weren’t as extravagantly dressed, in fact, they seemed almost normal by comparison.
I pressed the play button on my iPod once more and returned to looking out at the city I fell in love with. I looked out across the streets, even though it was late there were people filling them up, being alive and doing things while I was left to sit here hundreds of feet up in the air just having the privilege of watching it all.
An hour must have passed before I decide it was about time to leave and go back down to the surface and join the rest of the human race. As I stepped out of the door way and onto solid ground I caught my stepping as I almost tripped after stepping out of what was an unusually fast elevator.
I wandered back through the vast streets dodging the occasional tram and midnight drunk. It didn’t take me long to reach my apartment and I headed straight to bed. Getting to sleep was always a difficult task, my mind was always too active to switch off, I couldn’t help but think about things constantly, go over the day in my head, go over what could have happened today in my head, think about being with him again then realising it wasn’t going to happen, then being too distraught to get any real rest. I reviewed the day, nothing really exciting had happened, about the only thing that stood out in my day was seeing such bizarrely dressed people, and they didn’t seem to care about how they looked either, they walked amazingly confidently, that alone made me envy them. I’d never had self-esteem where I could wear what I wanted and be comfortable with it. But also, I’d never really had any kind of style that suited me, even though it was extravagant it looked right on them, I couldn’t even pull off turning up to work in a summer dress.
My self-confidence hadn’t really had a boost in the past two years and I doubted that it ever really would, I was still waiting for someone to tell me I was being stupid and that I needed to grow up. However, no one seemed to care enough to tell me to do that. So for now, I was going to be stuck here in this life, the same routine day after day without fail, and I was going to have to like it.
Long story short, two years ago I had an amazing boyfriend, but he’d broken up with me after a few months. I still wasn’t over him. Two years, and I still couldn’t let him go, I’m living in a new country, I know new people I have a completely new life, but it still follows me around hanging just under the surface it won’t let me forget.
It was night in the city, and strange as it sounds, it was beautiful. The noise, coloured lights clashing with each other, the graffiti; I loved every part of this city. I kept walking trying to let my mind forget about everything that was bothering me in the moment, it was difficult I’ll admit. I’d been having an especially hard time recently. My parents were divorcing and my Mum refused to speak to me since I decided I was moving away to Germany from our crappy little home in England. My job didn’t have the greatest pay in the world, but it got me places and I could keep up rent on my apartment. And, I couldn’t help but feel a little lonely from time to time, I’ve been living here in Berlin for four months now, and still I hadn’t managed to make any real friends. People rarely spoke to me, and lets just say I’m not the world’s most confident teenage girl.
Finally I reached my destination, the Fernsehturm. Yes, I was going up the television tower, again. I’ve found being that high just being able to look right over Berlin, it calms me a lot, plus, if you can ignore the restaurant noise, it’s a good place to think for a while if you need to. Not the mention the awesome feeling you get going up the speedy elevator to the top, 6m/s, pretty impressive for a vertical cable car.
Reaching the top I walked half way around the 360 panoramic room to sit in my favourite spot, people rarely ventured round this far, usually finding the stairs up to the restaurant to go and eat while staring out over the city. I can’t argue, it’s a great feeling, but the food is expensive, and I’ve got (for once) full cupboards at home which I can raid when I get back home. Instead of joining the hordes of people, I sat and watched the traffic in the city moving slowly around, the lights glittering every now and then. I looked to my right at the Brandenburg Gate, and further right as the Reichstag was just next to it, it's glass dome on its roof reflecting the city lights.
I reached into my pocket and inserted my headphones into my ears turning my iPod on to block out the world around as best as I could manage while I stared out into a city scene and I could imagine a new life for myself, one where I’m not a nobody, one where people love me and want to be me, one where he still loves me. I hated that even here in my own universe, he still managed to creep in past all my defences, I can’t get him off my mind for more than a second. My thoughts cannot linger on him, a feeling of delight betrays me. The butterflies flutter in my stomach if my mind wanders for even a second. I wish I could control my emotions, my reaction to his touch; but the power they portray is untameable. This is unrequited love. But he’s not here to touch. He hasn’t been mine to hold for a very long time.
As I sat glaring out at the city, I was vaguely aware of the odd bit of movement behind me when a person occasionally managed to make it past the enticing stair way to the overly-priced restaurant. Under the drone of my music I could hear voices behind me, I couldn’t make out what the mumbling was so I paused my music, I’m sure since this is a public area, they wouldn’t mind me listening in… not that they would know I was, hopefully.
“The food was definitely not good enough for the price we paid! It was tasteless and they only gave us a tiny portion, it’s unacceptable.” One disgruntled voice said.
“Just let it go, we’ll have to remember not to come here again.” Someone else with a deeper voice replied.
“Well it’s just a shame, the view was so nice.”
“So we’ll just stay and look over Berlin for a while and we can just forget about the food.” Another person input.
Oh the hardship of some people’s lives. Yes the food was overpriced, but you have just had a meal at the top of a television tower in the middle of Berlin. What were you expecting? 5-Star dining? I sat waiting for them to leave again before I started playing my music again. As I heard them walk away I turned my head to see who it was that had realised how bad the eatery was here and I saw four figures, though, two of them were dressed oddly. One, the tallest, or I thought he was the tallest, it was hard to tell; he had his darkened hair styled upwards in an odd kind of way which seemed to suite him. He had an overall dark look about him, a black leather jacket and jeans which clung tight to his stick thin legs. He was beautiful, in a modern kind of way. Another one of the group seemed to completely contrast with the previous guy, though the colour scheme was similar his clothes just hung off him, I couldn’t really tell if he’d deliberately bought oversized clothing or if he just couldn’t afford to buy anything that fit him right, but then I figured he probably wouldn’t have been eating up here if that was the case. Two others accompanied the pair, though they weren’t as extravagantly dressed, in fact, they seemed almost normal by comparison.
I pressed the play button on my iPod once more and returned to looking out at the city I fell in love with. I looked out across the streets, even though it was late there were people filling them up, being alive and doing things while I was left to sit here hundreds of feet up in the air just having the privilege of watching it all.
An hour must have passed before I decide it was about time to leave and go back down to the surface and join the rest of the human race. As I stepped out of the door way and onto solid ground I caught my stepping as I almost tripped after stepping out of what was an unusually fast elevator.
I wandered back through the vast streets dodging the occasional tram and midnight drunk. It didn’t take me long to reach my apartment and I headed straight to bed. Getting to sleep was always a difficult task, my mind was always too active to switch off, I couldn’t help but think about things constantly, go over the day in my head, go over what could have happened today in my head, think about being with him again then realising it wasn’t going to happen, then being too distraught to get any real rest. I reviewed the day, nothing really exciting had happened, about the only thing that stood out in my day was seeing such bizarrely dressed people, and they didn’t seem to care about how they looked either, they walked amazingly confidently, that alone made me envy them. I’d never had self-esteem where I could wear what I wanted and be comfortable with it. But also, I’d never really had any kind of style that suited me, even though it was extravagant it looked right on them, I couldn’t even pull off turning up to work in a summer dress.
My self-confidence hadn’t really had a boost in the past two years and I doubted that it ever really would, I was still waiting for someone to tell me I was being stupid and that I needed to grow up. However, no one seemed to care enough to tell me to do that. So for now, I was going to be stuck here in this life, the same routine day after day without fail, and I was going to have to like it.