I'll Always Be Here For You

"How could you do this to me Ryan?" I get no response from Ryan. I didn't expect one. Ryan hasn't said a word to me in over a week.

Ryan and I started dating the day he convinced me to tell my parents about me being gay, and we've been together ever since. Until last week that is, when Ryan ended our relationship.

It's around 1:00pm and the sun is shining down, burning my back.

"How could you be so selfish? You knew I needed you and you still left!" Ryan remains silent. "Talk to me, Ryan!" I can tell people around us are watching but I don't care. "I loved you, why did you have to leave?" I feel tears forming in my eyes.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be. We were supposed to be happy. Together forever. That's what he always told me. But he lied.

"I still don’t get it" I mutter, shaking my head. "I know things were hard but that didn't mean you had to leave. We could have worked through it all. You didn't have to go."

You see, a couple of months ago, Ryan's mom died in a car accident involving a drunk driver. Ryan was absolutely devastated. By that point, we were living together in our own apartment but after hearing of his mother's death, he told me he needed to go back home to be with his sister. Miranda, who was only fifteen at the time, was fortunate enough to never suffer their father's abuse but Ryan was afraid that with their mom's passing, that would change.

I was hesitant at first (his father's drinking was still out of control) but Ryan was not going to change his mind. With his mom gone, his father was struggling with bills and such and Ryan felt the need to help out. I remember the day after he moved in, he came to visit me at our apartment with a black eye. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

I begged Ryan to move back into the apartment but of course, he refused. Weeks passed by and the abuse only got worse. At first, he came to visit me every day, usually sporting a new injury but after a while, he came less and less. Eventually, all I got was a phone call. I knew his father had finally broken him down. He wasn't the same person anymore. He was just the shell of the Ryan that I knew and loved.

I just didn't realize how bad it was until last week. It was around eleven at night when he texted me.

I can't do this. It said.

I sent him a text back, asking what he meant by it.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry Brendon but it's over.

My heart dropped to my stomach but before I could reply, he texted me again.

I know you're probably confused but trust me, we'll be better off this way. Goodbye Brendon.

I dropped my phone and fell back on my bed. That night, I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I saw I had a text from Ryan.

Look Bren, please know that I love you. The last thing I want is to break up but trust me, it's for the best.

"You broke my heart, Ry." I say. "You completely ripped it to shreds. Did you honestly think a text would justify what you did? I loved you with everything I had but obviously, that didn't matter to you."

For some reason, getting that text really pissed me off. I needed answers and I intended to get them. After getting ready, I headed over to Ryan's. I wasn't going to let him get away with breaking my heart without giving me some kind of explanation.

Once I got there, I got out of my car and marched up to the front door, knocking three times. I was fuming at that point, ready to tell Ryan off. When the door opened, it wasn't Ryan standing there. It was Miranda. There was something off about her. Instead of being the fun, bubbly girl I remembered, she looked upset.

"Is Ryan here?" I asked. I noticed her tense up and her hazel eyes filled with tears.

"No he's not." She said quietly, lowering her gaze to the ground.

"Then where is he?"

" He's dead "

With those two words, I felt my world come crashing down around me. Ryan couldn't be dead. He just couldn't be.

"He left you something." Miranda said, her voice shaking. She gestured for me to follow her inside. She led me into the living room and handed me an envelope. My name was scribbled on the front in Ryan's neat handwriting. With shaky hands, I carefully opened it, making sure I didn't tear the letter.

"I'm sorry to do this to you but I just can't be here anymore. I hope you know this isn't your fault. I love you, Brendon. You truly were the greatest thing to ever happen in my life. Please don't be sad, that's the last thing I want. Move on. Try to find someone that loves you as much as I do. Maybe one day, we'll be together again. I know you probably don't believe me, but know that I'm still with you. I'll always be there for you. Love, Ryan <3­"

By the time I had finished reading, I was in tears. I just couldn't believe that my Ryan was gone forever. It was horrible to know that I'd never see him smile, hear him laugh, or be able to look into his beautiful eyes ever again. I had lost the love of my life.

"You said you'd always be there for me, Ry." I say, staring down at the recently dug grave. "But I guess you needed me to be there for you.

"I read your note." I say, staring down at the freshly dug grave. "Ryan, it didn't have to end this way." My voice breaks at the end as tears rolled down my face. "You were always there for me. I just wish I could have been there for you."