Goodnight Moon

She heard the sound, echoing in her mind as the memory surrounded her. That was it, the little giggle he'd make when she'd stutter or act like a little girl. She could remember it' s sounds like nothing else, picturing the smile behind it so clearly... It was a sound that was second to wind chimes... It was just as wonderful.

A light sigh passed her lips. It was breaking, she knew it. She could feel it slowly tearing apart inside her. With tears in her eyes, she looked up at the night sky. The stars shone like the never had before, it was like they were watching her and knew her pain. She smiled up at them, knowing he was there. Then through her tears she choked on a laugh. It was like he was still next to her. She could hear him saying those little sarcastic remarks about her beliefs in heaven, but she knew. That's why she could smile. That was the only reason she could. Because she was right and that would be the first thing she'd tell him when it was her turn. She was right.

The pain was too much for her to take... This is what happens to someone when their other half is missing from them. There were too many if's out there to think about, too many maybe's. All of it made the feeling even more heavy. This was what he wanted those first few years. Did he see the reaction now? Could he see her? Or was he just as pained as her to look, to see the world without him?

Deep breaths. In and out. She looked back at the sparkling stars and the tears started again. It was real this time... He was gone and couldn't come back.

Then something landed on her leg. It lay still and didn't move, just waiting to be seen. A dragonfly. Her heart finally pulled itself together as she broke down. He was watching her now, she knew this just as much as she knew God had taken him. She let herself sob. He wouldn't be next to her anymore, but he kept his promise. He was still with her. He'd always be there. He promised.

Her throat felt raw and strained and something inside just felt empty and whole at the same time. A contradiction.

The sad smile returned to her face. She looked down at the blue dragonfly that had landed on her knee and reached for it, this time unafraid like she had always been. Her fear for this little creature had died with him, but with it was given birth the understanding. This was the smallest little thing he could have given her as reassurance, something to let her know. No coincidences. Everything happens for a reason.

Her own words sounded foolish, but she knew they was true. She wanted to curse God for taking him away once they were together, but at least... At least they had been. At least once.

The stitches pulled at her heart and healed it. There was a reason, there is a reason.

She smiled as she watched the dragonfly fly over the pond and into the sky. He wouldn't have believed she would have ever picked up one, never in a million years. She wiped at her eyes with her other hand. "If you can hear me, know that I'm glad there were no goodbyes. My heart may be a mess, you may be all I think about and all that I dream about, but I know..."

She stopped and choked on her words. Then laughed again, this sad little cry. "I was always horrible with choosing the words when you wanted me to talk. It was so much easier when you were there to talk the entire time. I'm the listener, not you!"

The tears came full on then. They'd traded jobs for the rest of her life now. Something as simple as that broke her all over again.

"Please... God, I-" She stopped and looked at the the sky. Then she turned and looked next to her, imagining him sitting next to her. She leaned into where he should be. "God, I miss you."

Then the wind blew and kissed her. It blew her necklace which made the sound of metal hitting metal. Her dog's tags, the ones she wore since her first dog had died when she was a kid. That's how I want to be remembered.

Her teeth started chattering as she fought the tears again. He was by her. He would be. She heard his voice still. Everything blurred together and she closed her eyes, praying for her guardian angel... The way she did everyday. She ran her fingers over her bracelet, the one he gave her when the first one broke.

Her eyes were still closed when she felt something tickle her nose. She opened her eyes and took in a small surprised breath. The same blue dragonfly had come back, landing casually on her nose. The tears stopped and she smiled. This was it. This was his promise and he kept it...

To the end.