Words Unsaid

“¡Damas de España, me voy a volver a casa!” (Ladies of Spain, I’m coming back home!)

My stomach churned from hearing the heavily deep voice that I dreaded to hear. It wasn’t enough that I had to see his face plastered on billboards and walls all over the city, but I had to see him on every television station this cable had to offer. I wanted nothing to do with him, and yet, I wanted to be with him this very second to celebrate the biggest honor of any person’s life.

His voice reverberated against the dark crimson red walls that Addy had painted herself. As much as I still had distaste for everything Sergio, I found myself not able to turn the channel. His eyes were red and brimmed with tears as he spoke fluently in Spanish. My heart melted hearing the words pouring from his mouth; it was one of the things that made me love him. Just remembering his touch makes my heart race. There was just something about it that I’ve never felt with any other guy. And the way he held me... words couldn’t describe how safe I felt. When I was in his arms, I felt invincible, like nothing could ever hurt me. I cherished every moment we spent together. We were one of those couples where we were so in love that everyone thought we’d end up getting married and spending the rest of our lives together.

Sergio had played a large role in my life. He has been through for me through the good and the bad. He had saved my life once when we were five; even then, I knew that I loved him. Sergio was the guy that all the girls wanted, that still stands true today. Most girls didn’t understand why he would want to date a simple girl when he could have anyone else in the world. It wasn’t easy watching him bounce from relationship to relationship, model to model. But he gave that up to be faithful to one person, me.

I understood what I was getting myself into. My parents, although they loved Sergio, always reminded me that he was young and a great footballer. That he could up and leave everything he has, including me, in exchange for the fame and the women. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he wouldn’t be playing for a Spanish football club. I had hoped my parent’s words were true, but I had to sadly learn the hard way.

He was seventeen, and I fifteen. We fit perfectly, nothing could've broken us a part. That was until after two years of being together, he got a call saying that he was being recruited to play for Sevilla. After a year of playing for them, he made his way to play for Real Madrid. I knew that something would have to be sacrificed, hopefully not our relationship, but something inside of me knew that we were breaking up. I acted as if I was excited for him and I was, I just didn’t want to let him go. Nothing was said officially, but when he never returned, I got the idea that we were over. I’ve tried to call him on his cell phone, but it was never on. I had even tried talking to his family. His younger sister and I were close, as she was with him, so I had figured she must have heard something—gotten a phone call, an e-mail, even a postcard...

No, nothing.

Wiping the beads of sweat forming on my forehead, I felt the coolness of the white-gold band rub against my skin. Laying my hand out in front of my face, the large diamond stood out easily. I had moved on or at least that is what I forced myself and everyone else to believe. If it had been so easy for Sergio to do, I would have to grow up and do the same. There wasn’t a chance he would face me after what he had done and I was okay with that.

I only hoped that I would be able to make myself walk down that aisle in two days and say ‘I do’.

▲▼

The craziness from the Spain win hadn’t fully died down. There were still people walking around the city in their Spain jerseys, blowing whistles, cheering and laughing happily. I had decided against watching the parade and opted to watch it on television instead, to Addy’s and Mateo’s dismay. Sure I had felt guilty for not supporting my team, but I couldn’t risk the chance of myself running into him.

It was childish to tip-toe around Spain as if I didn’t exist, but I wasn’t about to let down my guards and allow Sergio back into my life. The way he abruptly disappeared without a trace only lead me to believe that he didn’t have the heart to tell me in person he wanted a life bigger than what he had, a life without me.

Hearing my heels click against the light pavement of the sidewalks soothed me in an odd way. I kept walking; dragging the laughing man towards the small building that had become my second home after Sergio had left. The café was small and tiny, a perfect place to get away in my opinion. With Mateo always travelling to different countries for business trips, I had found myself exploring the city. This time, he was home and I was going to show him the part of Spain he never knew of. Our intertwined hands swung back and forth as we walked to the little shop that was owned by the cutest old couple I have seen. I had only hoped to have a love like that.

From afar, I saw the old man that owned the café. He watched on with adoring eyes as his wife flitted around the room, greeting customers and striking conversations about everything and nothing. It was obvious he was madly in love with her. You can see it in his eyes and the smile that was plastered on his face.

He finally noticed me, waving over at me. I gave a small wave back, making my way towards an empty table with Mateo following closely behind me. He didn’t understand my fascination with this place but he would soon experience it soon enough.

Mateo pulled my chair out for me before sitting down himself. I was enamored by his chivalry, giving him a kiss on the cheek before sitting down. We ordered our food, enjoying the quiet murmurs of conversations floating around the eccentrically decorated building. It was nice and peaceful, a place to get away from the hectic city life and away from popular football stars.

“Sergio!” My body froze on the spot, the one placed I had loved coming to was now contaminated with the garbage that I threw away years ago.

Hopefully he wouldn’t recognize me. I had changed a lot in six years. My hair was a lot longer and straighter; my body had grown fully and had curves that I loved. I had grown a lot taller as well and with heels, I could pass off being an ideal height for a model.

My back was to him and I was glad that I was facing towards the window, a view that would distract me from the beautiful one that stood behind me. Mateo was star struck, his eyes wide and mouth hanging wide open. I was sure at this moment he was more in love with Sergio than he was with me. Laughing at the thought, I picked at the bread on my plate, taking small bites of the chicken that I had ordered. The small room, that was once quiet, filled with laughter and incessant chatter. It was so like Sergio to brighten up a room by just a smile. It’s what made him so alluring.

Mateo kept looking behind me, ignoring the fact that I was sitting in front of him in my own world. I was glad; I didn’t want to have to tell him why I was acting so strange. Sure, it wasn’t fair that I never told him of my dating history with Sergio. But that was something he didn’t have to know and hopefully something he will never find out.

“Why aren’t you jumping up and down like most women in this place, nena?” I only shrugged, biting my lower lip in hopes that he would hurry up and we could leave without a scene. Although, I knew Mateo would want an autograph or picture… who wouldn’t, if Sergio was your favorite player?

Mateo got up a few seconds later, a pen and paper in hand. I sighed, sinking down in my seat, embarrassed that he was even acting this way. Footsteps came towards me and I knew that he had gotten what he wanted. I turned in my seat; my eyes meeting with familiar brown ones that made the world disappear around me.

“You must be Mateo’s fiancé? Si?” He held his hand out for me to shake. I took it, biting my lip and pushing back the tears that were threatening to fall. He didn’t even know who I was…

“Si. Esto es Maral,” (Yes. This is Maral) Sergio’s eyes widened a bit, his hand gripping mine a lot harder than he had intended to. He must have realized that there was only one Maral living in Madrid… and that Maral was the one he had left behind. His eyes never left mine as he trailed over my body, his mind and heart not wanting to believe that I was here in the flesh.

He pulled away after feeling the diamond that rested on my ring finger. A frown made a way to Sergio’s face as he looked at the glistening stone. Mateo was oblivious to the awkward glances between both Sergio and I, the conversation he was having on the phone was evident.

“I hear you’re getting married in two days,” I nodded,

The happiness and million dollar smiles I had grown accustom to seeing was hidden behind anger and sadness. His eyes didn’t shine like they used to when we were younger when he talked about football. Instead, they were dull, as if his soul was drain out of him.

It felt like eternity, trying to decipher why Sergio was still standing in front of me. He looked as if he wanted to say something to me and I wanted to hear my name come from his mouth. But I wouldn’t openly admit that.

“Mi corazón?” Mateo waved a hand in front of my face, breaking my gaze from Sergio to himself. “I have to leave, I’ll see you at home,” he kissed my forehead before swerving around Sergio, patting him on the back and congratulating him once more before opening the door to the warm air.

My comfort level was lost when Sergio took the seat that Mateo had preoccupied.

“Mierda, Maral. Es bueno verte,” (Shit, Maral. It’s good to see you) I glared at him, earning a chuckle and him leaning back into his chair getting comfortable.

“No puedo decir lo mismo,” (I can’t say the same) He didn’t even look fazed by my harsh words, instead a smirk played on his face.

“Oh c’mon, nena. Don’t be like that, I know you missed me,” the moment those words left his mouth, I wanted to inflict him with a pain worse than getting cleated in the chest.

“Don’t call me that! You lost every right and I didn’t miss you. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been fabulous without you,” I bragged, shoving the fact I was engaged in his face. He flinched, hearing that I didn’t need him in my life. The truth was far from it, but I wasn’t about to give him the benefit to rub it in my face that I have been completely miserable when we stopped talking.

“I see that. Comprometida? Que es una broma, nena!” (Engaged? He is a joke, baby!) I shook my head. He couldn’t possibly know that I loved Mateo but wasn’t in love with him.

“I love him,” I whispered, playing with the straw wrapper that laid on the black table surface. Sergio grabbed my hands, making me look up at him.

“No, tú me quieres,” (No, you love me.) I didn’t know how to react. My mind was going a million miles an hour and the only person who was able to do that was sitting across from me. I snatched my hands away, my hands tingling from his touch. “No es lo suficientemente bueno para tú.” (He isn’t good enough for you)

“And who is? Because the last time I checked, you aren’t the best candidate, either,” my words were full of hate. I hated being this way, I didn’t mean to unleash the feelings I had been harboring for years. But he was simply asking for it.

“I am a perfect candidate for you. You and I both know it,” his English was getting a lot better, but that was the last thing I should be thinking.

“I don’t know anything anymore. We’re done, Sergio. Terminado,” I spat out, folding my arms across my chest.

He leaned his arms on the table, watching a small blonde waiter walk past us. Sergio’s eyes lingering on her behind longer than I would have liked him to. I rolled my eyes, grabbing my purse behind my chair to leave before we caused even more of a scene for the audience that couldn’t keep their eyes off of Sergio and the mysterious brunette girl.

He grabbed my forearm, before I lifted myself out of the seat. His eyes pleading for me to stay but I wouldn’t allow myself ride down memory lane, when in fact; there was nothing good about the past. It had leaded me to where I am now, engaged to a man who was everything a girl could want and yet still feel so empty inside.

“We’re never going to be done, mi querido,” he smirked, licking his bottom lip.

I yanked myself out of his grip, the heat from his hand still lingering on my skin. His eyes grew dark with anger before he got up himself, pressing his muscled body against mine. “Dejar. Ir ser una puta,” (Leave. Go be a whore.)

As fast as the words came from his mouth, so was my fist colliding with his cheek. He didn’t understand what I had gone through and for him to call me a whore was unnecessary. I had only been with Mateo since Sergio had left. Mateo had been nothing but amazing. He had shown me a new light and put me first before everything else.

I left him red and a hand on the side of his face. The mass of women surrounding him checked his cheek and glared at me for ruining his precious face. I didn’t care. He deserved the hit and the pain he had endured would never compare to the one I have been feeling for the past six years.

▲▼

My anger subsided when I walked into the large apartment. Addy was sitting on the cream colored, plush couch with her boyfriend, Gerard, who was one of Sergio’s teammates. I had no problem with Gerard; he knew of my past but never brought up anything that involved Sergio around me.

“Hey, where were you?” Addy asked while one of her hands played with Geri’s hair. I smiled at the two, remembering when they had first started dating. Geri was a klutz and always making a fool of himself around Addy, but she still loved him.

“Café Rosada,” she nodded her head, giving me a look knowing that something had happened. It was as if she could read my mind, it scared me sometimes. I could never keep a secret around her.

“Geri, mi amor, can you make that pasta I’ve been dying to eat?” He eagerly nodded his head, getting up from his spot but not before giving her a soft kiss on the lips, heading into the kitchen to leave her and I alone.

As soon as Geri was out of earshot, Addy turned to me, eyes filled with worry.

“¿Qué paso?” (What happened?) I sighed, running a hand through my hair not knowing where to start. What started as an innocent meeting, turned from bad to worse.

“I ran into Sergio,” Addy gasped, a hand covering her mouth as she looked behind me to see Geri hunched over the stove.

“And?” I didn’t want to relive the conversation but she would get it out of me eventually.

“He told me how good it was to see me and that Mateo is a joke… and accused me of still loving him,” I left out the ‘whore’ part intentionally, I didn’t want Addy to go on a manhunt after Sergio.

“Well, do you?” She caught me off guard on that question. I did, but I didn’t.

“But Mateo-” I was cut off, but I was thankful because I had no idea where that sentence was going to go. She knew me better than I knew myself at times, I didn’t have to say a word to Addy and she would understand.

“Loves you and will understand if you told him about Sergio,” I nodded, but in reality I didn’t know what I was nodding about. The last thing I wanted was for Mateo to know anything about me and Sergio. He would be heartbroken after the encounter with Sergio today.

“I guess I have to do the right thing then,” Addy nodded her head, giving me a small hug before helping Gerard in the kitchen. I looked behind me to see Geri hugging Addy from behind. A large smile was on her face as he leaned down and kissed her nose and then her lips. I laughed at the giant height difference between the two, but that’s what made them adorable. Jealousy ran through me. That was the life that I had wanted with Sergio but that dream was shot down the minute he told me ‘goodbye’.

▲▼

I hadn’t seen or heard anything from or about Sergio after my encounter with him at Café Rosada. I was surprised that he wasn’t on the cover of a magazine saying that he had been beaten up by an ex-girlfriend. Then again, Sergio was always a private person. He wouldn’t humiliate me, no matter how angry he was. I was getting married tomorrow and I was getting anxious with every waiting minute.

Earlier, I had gone to see if my body still fit inside the dress. The dress was beautiful, an ivory Vera Wang dress that had a black sash around the waist. The dress fit perfectly and I never felt more beautiful and happy in my life. And even though it wouldn’t be Sergio at the end of the alter, I had to understand that Mateo loved me and it was unfair that my heart was being tugged in two directions.

Addy came with me to the bridal shop and the salon to get our nails done for the big day. There was a glint of mischief in her eyes that I didn’t know what to make of it but it made me nervous not knowing. It seemed as if Geri was in on it too since he wouldn’t look me directly in the eye. He had a habit of not being able to hold eye contact if he was lying or keeping a secret.

I let it go, happy that tomorrow I would be Mrs. Alves Vega.

▲▼

Waking up to Mateo gone was unnerving but it made a smile appear on my face knowing that he would be waiting for me in the church my parent’s had gotten married in. The butterflies in my stomach reminded me that my life would be changed dramatically and I may have to leave Spain forever. Of course I didn’t want that, Spain was my home, my comfort zone. But in many relationships, there were sacrifices that had to be made. And like the sacrifice of ending the relationship that Sergio had chosen, I was going to make one as well.

“Hurry up, puta! I swear, only you would be late to your own wedding!” I laughed, throwing the covers off of my legs, hopping out and jogging towards the shower.

Addy and the other bridesmaids were in the living room, rollers in their hair, waiting for me to get my ass up and start the day. From an outside perspective, it may have seemed as if I was stalling. And I would have to agree if I was so stubborn.

Quickly wrapping a towel around my body, I grabbed my clothes, putting them on in record time and heading out to see my friends lounging around. I wanted to tell them how I was feeling when they had asked. But I wasn’t going to tell them I had a glint of hope that Sergio would burst through those doors and object the marriage. Though, after the small fight… that wouldn’t be happening.

“¡Vamos, chicas!” (Let’s go, girls!) Everyone gathered their bags, heading towards the door in a mass pile. My parents were already at the church, waiting to give away their only daughter.

The car ride there was filled with annoying giggles from my bridesmaids telling me what would happen on mine and Mateo’s honeymoon. Some of the things they had said could make a nun blush. Addy was the worst, her and sex just seemed to go together. It was no wonder why Gerard was madly in love with that girl.

The car stopped in the back of the church since the door to one of the private rooms was there. The girls tried to shield me away from some guests but failed miserably. I was hounded the second I walked through the door. My hair was fixed into perfection; the veil was placed perfectly on top. The dress looked more magnificent than it had yesterday. Hopefully, this would be the one and only dress I would be wearing.

My parents walked in a couple minutes after the dress was put on my body. My mother gasped, tears brimming around her eyes. My dad kept his composure, a large smile on his face as he stared in amazement. I hugged the both of them, pulling away from my mother and letting my father take my arm and lead me towards the large dark cherry oak doors. It was time and I couldn’t have been more ready.

Letting out a huge breath, the music was cued and the door opened widely. Mateo stood at the end, an enormous smile on his face when he saw me. I smiled back, biting my lower lip as my father pulled me forward to start walking. The church was decorated beautifully; money wasn’t an issue with Mateo and I barely made a dent in his bank account with this wedding.

I had been so focused on not tripping I didn’t bother to see who had come to my wedding, at this point in time I didn’t care. I knew it would only be our friends and family. I reached the end, waiting for Mateo to pull me forward to him. He laced our fingers together, turning towards the guest instead of the priest. I was beyond confused; I didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

“Perdón, por favor” (Excuse me, please) I opened my mouth to talk but he pressed a finger to my lips before speaking again. “Maral and I are not getting married today… or ever,”

Gasps filled the room; mine was among the many hundreds. I looked over at Mateo who gave me a sheepish smile before grabbing both of my hands to face him fully.

“Mateo, what are you doing? Don’t you want to marry me?” I was hurt; I wasn’t going to hide that.

“Of course I do, but not if you are still attached to Sergio,” he whispered the name, making sure that no one, not even the priest could hear. I bit my lip not knowing what to say, he was right.

“I love you, though,” hoping I changed his mind. He shook his head, one of his hands rubbing his eyes.

“Mar, you know I love you and that you love me… but you love him more,” his head cocked to the side as Sergio stood next to him, a large black and blue bruise adorned on his face. I fought back a small chuckle as he caught me staring at the love tap I had given him.

Looking out at the crowd I had noticed the entire Spanish national team and his family sitting in the first three pews. I now understood why Addy had been acting strange yesterday. Looking back at the two men in front of me, I was speechless wondering when they had talked to each other.

Sergio glared at me but his eyes softened when he saw me in my dress. Mateo let go of my hands, stepping back to let Sergio take the reins. His large hand grabbed my waist, pulling me into his body. His hot breath hit my face as he rested his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes momentarily letting his hands run over my back.

“Nena, I love you,” his voice was quiet; I nodded feeling the warm comfort flooding through me. His arms tightened, as if I was going to make a run for it. I nuzzled my body closer to his own, feeling the muscles he had acquired through the years. He had trimmed and colored his hair, a promise he had made if Spain had won the world cup. “I’m not letting you go, again,”

I didn’t want to believe him. I couldn’t after the stunt he had pulled after telling me he wouldn’t leave me, years ago.

“You love me? You love me?! I’m not going to break down my walls because you tell me you won’t leave me, Sergio. You left me without a word and you just expect me to come crawling back into your arms? No, you are sorely mistaken. I have gone through hell and back for your ass and I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship that I don’t feel is secure,” it was the first time in months that I had spoken what I truly felt to the person that I wanted to hear it. I cringed, remembering that I had cursed in church but I was so heated I didn’t understand half the words coming from my mouth.

“I-Mar,” I punched him in the gut, a groan emitting from his mouth as he went down. I walked back down the aisle with Sergio laying there on the ground with his hands clutching his stomach and all our friends and family exchanging surprised glances with each other.

I turned around, facing him once again, “Oh, I have yet to hear the words that I’ve been waiting to hear since you left me high and dry,”

I finally let the tears fall; I had left Sergio in his own thoughts. This time I left him and there was no way he was going to leave me again.

▲▼

I finally felt free; the ring on my finger didn’t weigh me down anymore. Sure, I had to return all the wedding gifts and the money I had spent had gone to waste, but that didn’t matter. I was happier now, well… as happy as can be. Sergio had been calling nonstop, leaving voice messages that were sweet and not so sweet. It was apparent that he was angry about the punch, but he still wanted to talk.

Persistent is Sergio’s middle name. He sent me vases of flowers and candy from all over the world. Who in their right mind would send flowers to a girl that bruised his cheek and punched him in the stomach? Sergio Ramos, that’s who. He was not giving up and I don’t understand why.

It was getting late; I laid in bed checking any emails that I had missed. The apartment was quiet without Geri and Addy home, it scared me that I had grown comfortable to silence and loneliness. A soft tap came from my window, but I let it go, knowing that it was raining outside.

The tapping became more frequent, it was too irregular to be a raindrop. I walked slowly to the window, sliding the glass up. Music started pouring into my quiet room. Sergio stood in the pouring rain, soaked to the bone with a guitar around his body. He played beautifully, singing a song that I didn’t recognize. He looked up at me, hopeful that his plan was working. It was.

I smiled, shaking my head at him as he shivered when a gust of wind blew at him. And even though it was down pouring, he stood under my window playing his heart out to me on the guitar. I pulled away from the window, grabbing my rain jacket and umbrella before making my way outside.

The music stopped as I made a turn to the side of the apartment building. Sergio was staring up at my window probably wondering where I had gone. I decided to sneak up on him, grabbing at his sides. He jumped, turning around quickly to see my laughing figure.

“What are you doing here? Do you want another punch?” I asked, after I was able to breathe.

“I mean, I already got two might as well keep going if it means I get to speak to you. What’s a guy to do? I called, sent you flowers and candy… I figured this would win you over,” he smirked, pushing the wet limp hair that fell in his face. “Did it?”

“Si,” he grabbed my face, pressing his lips against mine. A shock ran through me and down my spine, my arms wound their way around his neck pulling his body closer into mine. He smiled into the kiss, breaking away just as quickly as he kissed me.

“I’m sorry, nena,” I smiled widely; those were the words that I had wanted to hear. It was known that ‘I’m sorry’ were the two hardest words to say in any language, along with ‘I love you’. Sergio stubborn and hated letting people know his soft side, but I was an exception.

“Finally,” I groaned, running my fingers through his tangled hair. He laughed, nuzzling his wet skin into my neck. I squeaked at the coldness, pushing him away so we could go inside.

Geri pulled up in front of the apartment building, an umbrella under him as he opened the door for Addy. She stepped outside, squinting at the both Sergio and I and laughing. She turned towards Geri most likely telling him to look in our direction. He laughed, wrapping his arm around Addy’s shoulder under the umbrella. They walked closer to us, Geri giving Sergio a weird look before he walked inside the building. Addy stood with us, clicking her tongue and a hand on her hip.

“Okay, Señor Ramos. You see this girl? Treat her right and even though I love her and want her to have kids, don’t think I won’t come after you and cut off the part needed to produce a child, entiendo?” Sergio let go of my waist, covering his lower parts as Addy’s words came spewing at him.

“Claro,” he nodded, sighing when Gerard pulled her inside of the house and away from Sergio.

I threw my head back in laughter as I made my way towards the door; Sergio grabbed my arm pulling me back into him. He leaned down to press a soft kiss against my lips before making his way into the building.

I stood there not able to form words or move any body parts. Sergio turned his head, winking at me.

He was going to be the death of me, but it would be a good way to go.