Status: Done
A Second Chance
All Is Out
I took a deep breath and looked out at the ocean; I was really going to do this. I was actually going to tell someone, after keeping it a secret for so long. I stayed quite for a few minutes, trying to prepare myself to speak of the unspeakable.
“Sometime before dawn would be nice?” Chase said, though he didn’t say it meanly. It was more like a push to get me to talk. I looked over at him sadly; he attempted a small smile at me. I looked down at my lap and sighed again. “Look, uh, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He said. I looked over at him; oddly enough that made me feel better. It was one of the most unselfish things I’d ever heard him say. I shook my head at him.
“I need to.” I took a deep breath, swallowed my excuses and began to talk. “Back home, I had a boyfriend; his name was Evan. We had dated about three years and we were nearly inseparable. He was my everything, my go-to person. I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t laugh or make fun or judge me in any way, shape or form. He was everything I had always wanted; I loved him. We had planned on marrying one day,” I looked over at Chase. “Obviously those plans where destroyed considering I’m here and single.” I looked back away. “Evan was a normal guy aside from the one small fact that he was the son of a billionaire. He was rich, but not just rich; loaded. Their family had everything that I could ever imagine having, not to mention he always bought me the best anniversary presents.” I smiled slightly, which surprised me. I resituated myself on the sand and sat Indian style and played with the sand that was in front of me. “Evan had one pretty big flaw though. He had a wild temper. When he got upset, it was almost like I was looking at a different person. I mean he would say things and do things that I know he would never normally do. It was…a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of situation with him. But he stayed calm most of the time, so most of the time it wasn’t bad.
“We never really argued though; he and I. I can only remember two times in that three year period when he and I had had a huge fight. Though once he had calmed down he would normally come back to me and apologize and say he was sorry and that he’s trying to control his temper and all that. Each time I let him off easy, and just allowed him to crawl back into my arms. Though at the time I didn’t mind, we had loved each other. I supposed that’s all that mattered to me at the time.” I had noticed that the whole time I was speaking Chase was listening intently, and not just blowing me off and only listening to half of what I was saying. He was really listening, like he wanted to know. For some reason it made me feel good to know that he was really hearing what I was saying.
“Things changed a bit when Evan met my parents; though let me explain my parents a little first. There was no love connection between my parents and me; sure I had grown up to believe that they loved me, but they were shy of showing it. That wasn’t true.” I shook my head back and forth slowly as I thought. “I can’t remember one time when my mother or father alike, had hugged me, or kissed me, or laughed with me, or played with me, or loved me. I don’t remember them giving me compliments, saying how proud of me they were; they never even said they loved me. No, growing up I was starved of love. I couldn’t even talk to them, about anything; school, friends, boys. The person that I talked to in our house growing up was my dog, because it seemed like he was the only one that even gave a damn about me. But I’m getting off topic. My parents were controlling and temperamental. Even though they didn’t care about me, whatever they said I had to do or else it was a punishment for me. But it seemed that when they met Evan, I had magically done something right in my life, and they seemed to be proud of me. I can even remember my mom saying, clear as a bell ‘I can’t wait to see you two on your wedding day.’ It made me happy that my parents were happy for me for once in my life.” I looked up at Chase and met his eyes with a cold face. “Turns out they only wanted me to marry him so we would be connected with the money.” I saw Chase’s face droop a little, like he was disappointed. I looked back down at the sand and continued to play with it aimlessly. “I went and told Evan that. But before I go on there are some things you need to know about Evan.
“For the three years that we had been dating, he had always been trying to get sex out of me. I had told him on multiple occasions that I wasn’t ready for that, and if he wanted to stay with me he would have to deal with no sex. He agreed to it, and told me that he would wait too. When I told him about what my parents intentions where, he comforted me because I was upset. He kissed me and told me that everything would be ok. But after he kissed me, he started to kiss and suck on my neck, only going lower in the process. I pushed him away multiple times…but he kept coming back.” I glanced over at Chase. “Little tip, don’t try to have sex with a girl when she’s beyond upset.” I looked back down. Anyway, eventually I slapped him across the face because he wouldn’t stop; he punched me in the face, and I blacked out.” I looked away out at the sea, I could feel water starting to rush to my eyes, but I held them back. It had been about five months now since all this happened, but just the simple memory of it can still cause me to shed a few tears here and there. I didn’t speak for a few minutes. I put my hand over my left eye as I shut them both. Not even after a minute, I felt Chase pull my hand away from my eye, I looked up at him; he seemed to have a remorseful face on.
“Are you ok?” I nodded my head slowly.
“Yeah, just, remembering the night.”
“You don’t have to tell me more. In fact I don’t want you to tell me more if it’s going to affect you like this. I think I know where this is going anyway.” I shook my head.
“You have no idea where’s its going. Besides, I need to say it. I’ll feel better.” He sighed.
“Ok.” I took a deep breath as I did before and began to speak again.
“When I woke up from the blackout, we were in his bed. He was still sleeping. I lifted up the blanket and looked at myself, my body,” I gritted my teeth. “I didn’t have clothes on. I looked and saw that they were on the side of the bed, on the floor, alongside his.” I took a moment of silence then looked up at Chase. “He raped me.” Chase didn’t freak out, or gasp or anything. He simply just stared at me with an understanding touch in his eyes. I looked back down. “I dressed myself and left. For a week he kept trying to get in contact with me. He would call, text me, come to my house. Each time I ignored it. Eventually I got sick of him always bothering me, and even though he did what he did, for some stupid ass reason, I still cared about him. So I talked to him. He told me how sorry he was, and that he had been drinking earlier that day. He swore up and down and promised me at least fifty times that it would never happen again. Against my better judgment, I missed him and wanted him back. So I decided to give him a second chance and I took him back; what an asswipe move.” I shook my head back in forth in disgust of my own decision. “Three months later it happened again.” I looked up at Chase. “Except I was awake this time. He pinned me down on his bed, and he was much stronger than me, so I couldn’t fight back. Forcibly he torn off my clothes, and his own, and he continued to rape me once again.” I looked at Chase square in the eye; he didn’t pull his gaze off me. “I punched him. I slapped him. I bit him. I screamed for god sakes. But in his somehow twisted mind it only turned him on more, and so he raped me longer and harder.” I looked away out at sea. “Eventually he fell asleep and I got out of there. This time no matter how much he tried to get in contact with me I ignored it, and told him that he would not be coming back to me this time.” I gritted my teeth hard. “I told my parents about what happened. But since they’re both such bitches, they told me to get over it and go back to him.” I looked at Chase. “I told you they wanted the money.” I started to get up from where I sat. “Through all this I got angry and depressed; and I didn’t handle it well.” I walked away over to the water’s edge and let the water run on my feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chase get up and come over to me. I stood with my arms crossed, and stared out at the ocean.
“Not to be nosy, but what do you mean you didn’t handle it well?” He said slowly, like he didn’t want to say anything too touchy that might upset me. I thought back to how I handled it, and grimaced. I didn’t especially want to tell Chase this part, but I knew it would feel good to have someone know.
“Let’s just say that I’m surprised I’m alive.”
“Let’s just say that I want to know more.” I looked over at him, and he was staring me down, though not intimidating, just staring at me intently. I tried to think of a way to tell him lightly in my head, but nothing came. So I figured I’d just blurt it out into the open, and get it off my chest once and for all. I looked over at him.
“I jumped off a bridge.” Chase’s eyes widened a little, his eyebrows went up and his mouth opened, though he didn’t gasp.
“You attempted suicide.” He said, simply saying what I hadn’t. At that second, I broke down. The whole time that I had been talking to him I was fighting back my emotions, my tears. But I surrendered and began to cry, right there in front of him.
“What the hell was I supposed to do?! I had been raped twice and no one gave a shit!” I yelled, though I wasn’t really yelling at him; I was trying to talk over my tears. I covered my hands over my eyes and stood there crying. Only did I move when I noticed that Chase’s arms had been wrapped around me. I curled into him and hugged him back, crying into his shirt.
“Sometime before dawn would be nice?” Chase said, though he didn’t say it meanly. It was more like a push to get me to talk. I looked over at him sadly; he attempted a small smile at me. I looked down at my lap and sighed again. “Look, uh, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” He said. I looked over at him; oddly enough that made me feel better. It was one of the most unselfish things I’d ever heard him say. I shook my head at him.
“I need to.” I took a deep breath, swallowed my excuses and began to talk. “Back home, I had a boyfriend; his name was Evan. We had dated about three years and we were nearly inseparable. He was my everything, my go-to person. I could tell him anything and he wouldn’t laugh or make fun or judge me in any way, shape or form. He was everything I had always wanted; I loved him. We had planned on marrying one day,” I looked over at Chase. “Obviously those plans where destroyed considering I’m here and single.” I looked back away. “Evan was a normal guy aside from the one small fact that he was the son of a billionaire. He was rich, but not just rich; loaded. Their family had everything that I could ever imagine having, not to mention he always bought me the best anniversary presents.” I smiled slightly, which surprised me. I resituated myself on the sand and sat Indian style and played with the sand that was in front of me. “Evan had one pretty big flaw though. He had a wild temper. When he got upset, it was almost like I was looking at a different person. I mean he would say things and do things that I know he would never normally do. It was…a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of situation with him. But he stayed calm most of the time, so most of the time it wasn’t bad.
“We never really argued though; he and I. I can only remember two times in that three year period when he and I had had a huge fight. Though once he had calmed down he would normally come back to me and apologize and say he was sorry and that he’s trying to control his temper and all that. Each time I let him off easy, and just allowed him to crawl back into my arms. Though at the time I didn’t mind, we had loved each other. I supposed that’s all that mattered to me at the time.” I had noticed that the whole time I was speaking Chase was listening intently, and not just blowing me off and only listening to half of what I was saying. He was really listening, like he wanted to know. For some reason it made me feel good to know that he was really hearing what I was saying.
“Things changed a bit when Evan met my parents; though let me explain my parents a little first. There was no love connection between my parents and me; sure I had grown up to believe that they loved me, but they were shy of showing it. That wasn’t true.” I shook my head back and forth slowly as I thought. “I can’t remember one time when my mother or father alike, had hugged me, or kissed me, or laughed with me, or played with me, or loved me. I don’t remember them giving me compliments, saying how proud of me they were; they never even said they loved me. No, growing up I was starved of love. I couldn’t even talk to them, about anything; school, friends, boys. The person that I talked to in our house growing up was my dog, because it seemed like he was the only one that even gave a damn about me. But I’m getting off topic. My parents were controlling and temperamental. Even though they didn’t care about me, whatever they said I had to do or else it was a punishment for me. But it seemed that when they met Evan, I had magically done something right in my life, and they seemed to be proud of me. I can even remember my mom saying, clear as a bell ‘I can’t wait to see you two on your wedding day.’ It made me happy that my parents were happy for me for once in my life.” I looked up at Chase and met his eyes with a cold face. “Turns out they only wanted me to marry him so we would be connected with the money.” I saw Chase’s face droop a little, like he was disappointed. I looked back down at the sand and continued to play with it aimlessly. “I went and told Evan that. But before I go on there are some things you need to know about Evan.
“For the three years that we had been dating, he had always been trying to get sex out of me. I had told him on multiple occasions that I wasn’t ready for that, and if he wanted to stay with me he would have to deal with no sex. He agreed to it, and told me that he would wait too. When I told him about what my parents intentions where, he comforted me because I was upset. He kissed me and told me that everything would be ok. But after he kissed me, he started to kiss and suck on my neck, only going lower in the process. I pushed him away multiple times…but he kept coming back.” I glanced over at Chase. “Little tip, don’t try to have sex with a girl when she’s beyond upset.” I looked back down. Anyway, eventually I slapped him across the face because he wouldn’t stop; he punched me in the face, and I blacked out.” I looked away out at the sea, I could feel water starting to rush to my eyes, but I held them back. It had been about five months now since all this happened, but just the simple memory of it can still cause me to shed a few tears here and there. I didn’t speak for a few minutes. I put my hand over my left eye as I shut them both. Not even after a minute, I felt Chase pull my hand away from my eye, I looked up at him; he seemed to have a remorseful face on.
“Are you ok?” I nodded my head slowly.
“Yeah, just, remembering the night.”
“You don’t have to tell me more. In fact I don’t want you to tell me more if it’s going to affect you like this. I think I know where this is going anyway.” I shook my head.
“You have no idea where’s its going. Besides, I need to say it. I’ll feel better.” He sighed.
“Ok.” I took a deep breath as I did before and began to speak again.
“When I woke up from the blackout, we were in his bed. He was still sleeping. I lifted up the blanket and looked at myself, my body,” I gritted my teeth. “I didn’t have clothes on. I looked and saw that they were on the side of the bed, on the floor, alongside his.” I took a moment of silence then looked up at Chase. “He raped me.” Chase didn’t freak out, or gasp or anything. He simply just stared at me with an understanding touch in his eyes. I looked back down. “I dressed myself and left. For a week he kept trying to get in contact with me. He would call, text me, come to my house. Each time I ignored it. Eventually I got sick of him always bothering me, and even though he did what he did, for some stupid ass reason, I still cared about him. So I talked to him. He told me how sorry he was, and that he had been drinking earlier that day. He swore up and down and promised me at least fifty times that it would never happen again. Against my better judgment, I missed him and wanted him back. So I decided to give him a second chance and I took him back; what an asswipe move.” I shook my head back in forth in disgust of my own decision. “Three months later it happened again.” I looked up at Chase. “Except I was awake this time. He pinned me down on his bed, and he was much stronger than me, so I couldn’t fight back. Forcibly he torn off my clothes, and his own, and he continued to rape me once again.” I looked at Chase square in the eye; he didn’t pull his gaze off me. “I punched him. I slapped him. I bit him. I screamed for god sakes. But in his somehow twisted mind it only turned him on more, and so he raped me longer and harder.” I looked away out at sea. “Eventually he fell asleep and I got out of there. This time no matter how much he tried to get in contact with me I ignored it, and told him that he would not be coming back to me this time.” I gritted my teeth hard. “I told my parents about what happened. But since they’re both such bitches, they told me to get over it and go back to him.” I looked at Chase. “I told you they wanted the money.” I started to get up from where I sat. “Through all this I got angry and depressed; and I didn’t handle it well.” I walked away over to the water’s edge and let the water run on my feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chase get up and come over to me. I stood with my arms crossed, and stared out at the ocean.
“Not to be nosy, but what do you mean you didn’t handle it well?” He said slowly, like he didn’t want to say anything too touchy that might upset me. I thought back to how I handled it, and grimaced. I didn’t especially want to tell Chase this part, but I knew it would feel good to have someone know.
“Let’s just say that I’m surprised I’m alive.”
“Let’s just say that I want to know more.” I looked over at him, and he was staring me down, though not intimidating, just staring at me intently. I tried to think of a way to tell him lightly in my head, but nothing came. So I figured I’d just blurt it out into the open, and get it off my chest once and for all. I looked over at him.
“I jumped off a bridge.” Chase’s eyes widened a little, his eyebrows went up and his mouth opened, though he didn’t gasp.
“You attempted suicide.” He said, simply saying what I hadn’t. At that second, I broke down. The whole time that I had been talking to him I was fighting back my emotions, my tears. But I surrendered and began to cry, right there in front of him.
“What the hell was I supposed to do?! I had been raped twice and no one gave a shit!” I yelled, though I wasn’t really yelling at him; I was trying to talk over my tears. I covered my hands over my eyes and stood there crying. Only did I move when I noticed that Chase’s arms had been wrapped around me. I curled into him and hugged him back, crying into his shirt.
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