A Second Chance

I tried to think rationally at first. I mean, just because I didn't have my period didn't exactly mean I was pregnant. I could just be honestly late; I mean, it happens to me all the time. I'm sure that's it, yeah that has to be it. I mean, Luke wasn't really rushing last night. I know he was trying to do it quickly, but, he couldn't have been in so much of a rush...could he?

I tried to shake the thought out of my mind. Thinking about it now wouldn't help me any. I took one of the deepest breaths I had ever taken and pulled up my pants and walked out of the bathroom.

When I walked back out of the small tiny breathless room, I looked over at the clock that hung endlessly on the side wall. My shift seemed to be going extremely slow this evening, I still had two hours to go even after it felt like I had already been here three hours past due. I sighed to myself and went on working and waiting tables, though silently watching the clock with a steady eye, just waiting for this night to be over.

A half hour before my shift was over, the whole bar had cleared out; not a soul in sight aside from the few of us that had to stay and be the working help. I sat at the bar with my elbow on the table helping hold me up and watched mind-numbingly as the clock hands ticked back and forth. The world seemed to be moving slower tonight, though everything inside of me was going a mile a minute. My heart had been beating like a drum for the last few hours and I could feel my bloodstream beating as well. Sam came over to where I was sitting and looked at me like I was a child of his own.

“Hey there, you seem to be looking a little on the nervous side.” I had to admit it; he most certainly had the fatherly touch in his voice. Though I never heard that from my father, all I ever heard out of my father's mouth was money, money, money. I looked over at him with my elbow still holding up my head, and my other arm over my stomach. I had a horrible pain in my lower torso.

“Nah, I'm not nervous. I'm just in pain; I got this bad aching in the pit of my stomach.” He rubbed a hand on his short little goatee then snapped his fingers as if he just realized the solution to world hunger.

“A shot of whiskey ought to lighten you right up.” He walked over to the backside of the bar and grabbed a big whiskey bottle and poured a small amount into a shot glass and walked back over. He placed it down in front of me and smiled whole heartily. “Drink up, lass.” suddenly, the pain in my stomach grew twenty times worse.

I looked back up at him with an apologetic look in my eyes. “I don't think drinking is a good idea for me right now. I have a gut feeling it would only make things worse.” He stared at me like I had three heads.

“What are you talking about? Whenever Taylor would have a stomach problem when she was younger all I would have to do is give her a shot of whiskey and she'd perk right back up. Now come on, take your drink and feel better.” I shook my head slowly.

“Sam, please. I don't want to drink right now.” He looked at me like I had just broken all Ten Commandments.

“Mallory, I know you pretty well. And you would normally never turn down a drink. And there's only limited reasons why. Either you're pregnant, or you have just gone mad.” I was shocked at his sudden words; they came as a mild surprise. At this point now, I knew that Taylor and Chase were watching and listening to Sam and I. Trying to save myself in any possible way, I looked over at the two who were watching.

“Guys, I'm not mad, and I'm not pregnant,” I turned back to Sam. “I just don't want a drink.” Sam stared hard at me then loosened his gaze and shrugged.

“Have it your way.” He turned and walked back over to the cash register. I gripped my stomach again as another rip of pain went spiraling through my body. I looked over at Taylor and Chase, who had gone back to their work. As I held my stomach, I realized that I had told them I wasn't pregnant with a lot more confidence that I felt in saying it.

The whole rest of the night, I stayed mostly to myself. Or at least I tried to stay to myself. When I had to approach a customer or Sam and Taylor, I didn't exactly meet eye contact and I tried to say as little as possible. As the night went on, my sociability had dropped increasingly after Sam talked to me. It wasn't that I was exactly worried, I was just unsure. And I didn't like that feeling. I figured that after work, I would go back home, go to bed and then tomorrow talk to Luke about all this.

The night was over and I was beyond ready to go home. Since it had grown so cold, I grabbed Luke's flaming teddy bear jacket that he had let me borrow and slipped it on. I walked out the door and the cold nipped at my face.

When I turned to walk away toward my house, I heard a voice call my name. I turned around to see Chase standing slightly a ways behind me. His face didn't even look like his own in the almost morbid turning moonlight. No smile was placed on his normally funny and cute face. For a few moments, I simply just stared at him, I stared until he spoke.

“So, you going to tell me or do I have to ask?” I knew what he was referring to, my behavior earlier. God, Chase doesn't miss a freaking thing.

I didn't answer right away. I took a moment to think to myself, I mean I had only become unsociable earlier because I didn't feel well and I just didn't want to speak with anyone. That's not so wrong, is it? I moved a little bit over to Chase and looked him straight in the eye.

“There's really nothing to tell. I just didn't want to talk earlier, I didn't feel well.” He cocked an eyebrow at me and nudged his head over to the big tree and lake that we stood at the first night I had worked. There was a bench nearby that we both sat down on. He looked me straight in the eye, with still, his smile nowhere in sight.

“Where?”

“Where what?”

“Where didn't you feel well?” The pain that I had was a mixture of my stomach, and a little lower than that. I pointed to my stomach. He looked at me like I was clearly hiding something. “That's it?” He asked eagerly. I sighed slightly.

“Well, it hurt a little lower than that too.” Chase looked over at the lake.

“Mhm. Mal, this is going to sound personal but I want you to answer. When's the last time you got your period?” I looked at him shocked.

“Chase...”

“Just answer me.” I sighed again. There was no sense in lying about it to him.
“About last month today.” He looked back over at me.

“So you should be having it again right now, shouldn't you?” I nodded slowly. “And do you?” He asked suddenly sounding a lot more like a father than a friend. I shook my head. “So, you're telling me that you're late.” It wasn't in question form, but I gave an answer anyway.

“Yeah. Why are you all of a sudden so interested in my menstrual cycle?” He grimaced a bit at the word, which normally would have made me smile. But not right now. Chase was treating me like I had done something terribly wrong, and I hadn't, whatsoever.

“I'm not. But I'm interested and concerned about you. Mallory, it's been on my mind, it's been on yours, I'm sure it's been on Luke's too. You can't possibly deny the obvious signs of it. Mal, you might be pre—”

“Shut up!” I stood up and looked at him. “You don't know anything, you don't even know what you're talking about. I'm not being stupid and denying the fact that I might be, but there is nothing set in stone. It might just be coincidence that my stomach hurt and I'm late. There is no solid proof so you can't say a thing. And not to mention you're talking to me like I'm five and I just broke all the commandments. So shut up Chase, just shut the hell up!” I was nearly screaming at the top of my lungs. I felt like running outta there, but I held myself back and tried to be a big girl for once in my life.

Chase pretty much just stared at me dumbfounded, like I had thirty heads. Honestly, I was shocked at myself. I had never exploded like that on anyone, not even Evan. I felt like I was obligated to apologize but for some strange reason I held myself back on that too. Chase's face twisted into a bit of disgust.

“Mallory, I'm sorry. I didn't know this was a big touchy-feely issue with you. I guess I should have asked permission first before I spoke with you. Sorry, my bad. Won't ever happen again, I promise.” Chase got up and began to walk away from me. Knowing what an ass I had just been, I began to grow disgusted with myself.

“Chase, wait, I'm sorry. I'm just, kinda really confused and I don't know what's going on, and I'm growing a little tense, and I guess I just momentarily snapped. I'm really sorry.” He turned around and looked at me with his arms crossed. After a few seconds his arms dropped and he sighed.

“Mal, I think you need to talk to someone. And I'm going to be that someone, right now and right here.” He pointed down to the now vacant bench. I looked over at the bench, and at that moment it looked like one of the most painful places that anyone could ever sit. I grimaced but reluctantly sat myself down next to Chase. My hands were in my pocket, and I didn't look at him, but he spoke anyway. “Mal, you know I care about you. You know that I want the best possible for you. But, tonight, how you were acting, I know that's not really you. So please, I can see that something is obviously on your mind. Just, talk to me about it.” His words were sweet, but they only shattered like glass in front of me. I looked over at him slightly.

“Chase, you're right. There absolutely is something on my mind, and I do need to talk about it. But I can't with you, it's personal.” I could see the dagger go through his chest in his eyes.

“Mal, you can tell me anything.” I swallowed and looked away.

“Chase, I, I'm scared.” He moved himself closer to me and placed his hand over mine. “I'm terrified actually.”

“What are you scared of exactly?” I was scared of a lot of things. The fact that I actually might be pregnant just about makes me go to pieces by itself.”

“There are too many things to name.” In that moment, I realized that Chase was actually right. I did have to talk to someone, but that someone wasn't Chase. I had to talk to Luke, I needed to. I pulled my hand away and stood up. “I have to go.” I said more coldly than I intended. Chase too stood up beside me.

“Why? Where are you going?”

“I need to talk to Luke.” Before Chase could say another word, I turned my back and started running to Luke's house.

I banged on the door when I got to it; and I banged loudly. Since it was 3am, I should have been more sensitive to Rick's sleeping, but at the moment, I didn't care. I needed to see Luke; I needed to talk to him.

I heard slight barking behind the door right before I heard light footsteps. The door opened slightly and Luke poked his head out and looked at me. Without a word he slipped out and closed the door behind him. We met and held our eyes for a good minute before I looked away, and walked down his few front steps gripping myself from the cold. He followed behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Mal? Are you ok?” I walked forward and sat at the base of a big tree in his front yard; he followed and sat beside me.

“I don't know.” I said a little above a whisper.

“Mallory, what's going on?” He said with a hint of urgency in his voice. I sighed slightly and looked over at him.

“You want to get married someday, right?” He stared at me confused for a moment but answered.

“Yeah, someday.”

“And you want to have kids some day?”

“Eventually.” He moved his hand over and held mine tightly.

“Well, what if 'eventually' comes sooner than you thought?” I looked off into the distance as he processed what I said in his head. His grip on my hand loosened. I could feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of my head.

“Mallory, are you trying to say that you're...” He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't have to. I looked over at him, slowly.

“There's a slight possibility.” He moved away from me by the smallest inch.

“But you're not completely sure?” I shook my head no. “Why do you think that you're, uh,”
“Pregnant.” I finished for him.

“Uh, yeah. That. Why do you think that you are?”

“I had horrible cramps and stomachaches all throughout work, and I'm late.” He stood up and held out his hand to help me up; I took it and walked toward the dirt road that lay in front of his house. He followed.

“Well, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're pregnant, does it?” I looked back at him. His face was written all over, and the biggest words that I could make out were “I don't want to have a baby.”

“No.” I answered solemnly.

“So, how can you figure out if you really are or not?” I walked back over to him with my arms crossed.

“Go to the drugstore and buy a pregnancy test.” He cringed in a cute way.

“But, won't I look a little awkward?” Beside myself, I smiled a little at him.

“They won't think it's for you Luke, I promise.” I actually chuckled a little at the end of my sentence, which surprised me. He smiled slightly at me too. “Hey, the quicker you get one, the faster we'll know for sure.” That seemed to motive him.

“Ok, I'll go get it. I won't be long, so just wait here.” He kissed me lightly then started to trot down the dirt road to town. I saw down under the tree we had just been under, and thought to myself.

What if I was pregnant? How would Luke take it? It was plainly obvious that he doesn't want me to be pregnant, not now anyway. But if I was pregnant, would Luke be there to support me? I can't imagine that he wouldn't be a part of the baby's life, but, what if his and my relationship gets ruined? I can't imagine that, I couldn't live like that.

I pulled out the grass that was laying in front of me, when one specific thought invaded my head; did I want to have a baby? And after a few good minutes of hardcore thinking, I got my conclusion.

Yes. Yes I did. But Luke didn't.

I saw Luke running down the road after about six minutes. He ran up to me out of breath and handed me a small little bag that had a small little box inside of it. “Here.” I grabbed it and was about to turn and go inside and take the test, when I stopped myself and looked back at him.

“Luke,” I said quietly. “Do you want to have a baby?” He was silent for too long.

“Of course I do. But right now, isn't exactly the best time to have one.” I think I felt my heart literally break in two pieces. One piece for an unborn baby, and the other for Luke.
I didn't have any words for him, so all I did was nod and walk inside his house and head for the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, I opened the test, took the test, and then placed it down on the counter top and waited. I sat on the toilet seat cover; as with each second that ticked by made my stomach of butterflies flutter even stronger. The seconds that passed where the longest I had ever experienced in my entire life, and with them passing I kept thinking of Luke's words. Of course I do. But right now, isn't exactly the best time to have one. Each time they replayed over in my head, another stab wound was inflicted in my already broken and fragile heart.

From where it sat on the counter, the test beeped. I had my results; but now that they were here I was too scared to even look at them, because either way someone was going to be unhappy.

I picked myself up, and walked over to it, and forced myself to look, and when my eyes caught sight of the sign, I felt like crying. Whether that was from happiness or sadness, I have no idea.

It was positive. I was pregnant, and I was happy, but I wasn't at all, because the boy I loved, the boy I wanted to want this baby too, didn't want it.

I stuck the small little stick in my pocket, just because I didn't want it in the trash can at their house, and I headed back out front. When I reappeared, Luke looked at me with high hopes on his face. I didn't know how to tell him that I was going to have a baby, I didn't know how he would take it, and I got scared. So I did what I do when I get scared.

“Negative.” I breathed at him breathlessly. He ran up to me with a smile and hugged me tightly.

“Thank God.” I heard him say to himself. The test in my pocket now felt so heavy, a thousand pounds heavier.