A Second Chance

I had to step back from him, literally. I backed myself up a few feet and just stared at him. My face was purely expressionless. He stood there, like a stone, his face was hard but I could see his eyes were soft, they were his vulnerability. I looked away from him and walked over to my bed and sat down. I could hear that he was walking over toward me, but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I had so many new thoughts and feelings surging through my body that I just could barely handle it. He sat down beside me silently; he kept his distance.

“Mallory, I, I'm sorry.” Suddenly, I felt guilty. And I was really getting tired of feeling like that. I turned myself so I could look over at him.

“You don't have to be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. You can't help it.”

“I've felt this way for a while. But I knew that you loved Luke, so I tried to control myself. But, with you Mallory, it's different. I've liked other girls before, but none of them compare to how I feel about you. From the day I met you, I got this same feeling that I have now. When you first smiled at me, you don't even know how amazing it felt. But then I would see how you would smile at Luke, and all I wanted was for you to look at me that way. Maybe that's why I wanted to be the one you talked to about your problems. Not to mention, you were the only one here that didn't think I was the spawn of Satan. It didn't take long for me to open myself up to you, because I just automatically felt so comfortable around you. That's why I told you about my childhood; something I haven't really told anyone else. Ever. Mal, I didn't want to feel this way about you, and if given the choice to not feel this way, I would, because I know that now it has completely screwed up your thoughts. But I just, I needed to know how it felt to kiss you; to for just a few seconds be connected to you. I'm sorry Mallory.” I felt like crying.

As he had spoken, he was talking soft and low and he wouldn't exactly look me in the eye. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to just admit all that to me. I reached out and placed my hand over his; he looked in my eyes for the first time since the kiss.

“Chase, you don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong at all. And trust me, I somewhat started to feel the same way about you. I mean, I felt like I could completely talk to you about things that I wouldn't dare to speak of around Luke. And, who knows, if Luke hadn't been here maybe you would have been the guy for me. But, as much as it might break your heart to hear this, you're not. But you are for some other girl, and when you find her, she will be the luckiest girl ever because I know that you will love her like no one else ever has. Chase, I do love you, just in a different way than you want me to. And so for that, I'm sorry.” Without hesitation, he pulled me into his arms for a hug, and I gladly hugged him back.

“I should be going,” he said as he let go of me and started to get up. I got up too and followed him to the door. He opened the door then turned back to look at me. “And I meant what I said, about the baby. If you ever need help, I'll always be here for you.” I smiled at him.
“I know you will, Chase. Thanks.” He bent over and kissed me on the forehead, then walked out into the cold night.

After he left I grew exhausted, simply just from the events of the day. I figured that sleep would be the best possible thing for me right now, so I turned out my lights, and crawled myself into my little warm cozy bed. Quickly, I fell into a deep sleep.

There was a bang on my door; I got up and walked over to it and opened it. It was Luke, and he looked angry. He was dripping wet from the storm that was making itself known outside.

“Luke?” I asked.

“When the hell were you going to tell me?” A bad feeling sunk down low in my stomach. He came walking into my house, and shut the door behind him.

“Tell you what?” I had a feeling I knew what he was talking about, but I figured it would be better to just play dumb.

“That you were pregnant.” His voice was an icy stone. I could hear thunder and lightning crash outside. My stomach started to knot itself.

“Luke, I was going to tell you I swear.” I started to walk closer to him and he backed himself up.

“Bullshit!” It was like his words crackled so much, that the thunder and lightning outside mirrored his voice. At the same instance, a lightning bolt must have hit a pole, and all my lights went out, leaving me and Luke in the eerie darkness. His face was nothing but a silhouette in the moonlight and bolts of lightning. “Mallory, why would you lie to me about that?” He wasn't exactly yelling, but his voice was deep and loud. Tears started to well up in my eyes.

“I got scared!” I screamed through tears.

“So you lie to me again? Goddamn Mallory, I don't even know who you are anymore! How am I supposed to know that you're telling the truth when you talk to me? How do I know you aren't lying when you say you love me?!” I felt like dropping to my knees and assuming fetal position.

“I do love you Luke!” He walked further away from me as another flash cascaded the sky.
“Then why do you lie to me like I don't matter at all?” His voice was suddenly a thousand times calmer, and I think that hurt just as much as the words. I walked over to him.
“You do, Luke. You matter to me so much.” He turned to face me, his eyes were as cold as ice.

“If I matter so much, then why did you kiss Chase?” His voice had gotten much louder, just as the thunder's audibility seemed to keep increasing. I tried to wrack my brain for the words but I couldn't find any, because there were none. “Mallory, I used to think that I knew you so well. I used to think that I was the person you could tell anything to. But now realizing that you can't even tell me that you're pregnant with my child,” He paused for a moment and stared at me skeptically. “It is mine, right?”

“Of course it is! I haven't been with anyone else!” I screamed over the thunder.

“How would I know?! I don't even know you anymore!” And the bullet penetrated my heart. Tears were rolling down my face like waterfalls.

“Luke, please don't say that. Please. You do know me, you know me better than anyone else ever has.” He glared at me then looked away out the window.

“I used to. Now, I'm not so sure.” I couldn't find my voice, so I walked away. I went over to my bed and sat down. I looked over at him, and he was simply standing at the window watching the rain fall.

“Who told you anyway?” I asked when I couldn't handle the silence anymore. He looked over at me and snickered almost wickedly.

“Your precious little Chase.” My eyes grew slightly wider.

“What?” Luke walked over to me with his arms crossed.

“Yup. He stopped by the shop and it happened to come up,” he laughed sarcastically. “You know, the only thing I was thinking as he was telling is why am I hearing this from him. I should have been hearing it from you. Actually, screw that, I should have known. Why couldn't you just tell me when you actually took the test? You know, I'm not a bad guy I would have understood. I would have gotten used to the idea. But you know what, I don't want to have a baby, or a family, with someone who constantly lies to me.” I got up from where I sat and wrapped my arms around him, and for a second, I could feel that he almost hugged me back.

“Luke please don't say that! I love you too much to hear that! I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, I'm so sorry! Please, you can't do this to me; you can't just leave me here like this!” I was crying and screaming, so I had no idea how much of that he actually understood. He pushed me off of him, and I let myself fall to the floor.

“Mallory, I loved you. I loved you so much. And I thought you loved me too.”

“I do love you!” I screamed.

“But I don't even know anymore. I can't trust you. You keep hurting me and I keep being surprised when you do. And I'm sick and tired of that feeling. So I'm solving my own problem. I'm leaving the island to go to a professional woodworking university in London. It's only a yearlong thing, but I might stay there for good. Mallory, I can't keep expecting perfection from you, and it's hurting me too much to watch you do these things to me. I'm sorry.” I was completely sprawled out on my floor crying my eyes out. I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

I could hear his feet making their way to the door, and I cried louder because I couldn't find my voice. The door opened, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that he turned back around.

“Give pictures of the baby to my dad. He'll send them to me. Good luck to you.” The door shut and he was gone, and I was alone.

I shot up out of bed in a hot sweat, tears were running down my face, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I looked around my house, it was empty. I looked outside, it was peaceful, no clouds, thunder or lightning. It wasn't raining. I wiped my face and felt sweat and tears come off on my fingers. It had been a dream. A terrible dream.

I regained the pieces of myself I had lost during the dream and simply sat on my bed in silence looking out the window. I took a deep breathe to myself. “I need to tell him the truth.”