Status: Sorry I haven't been posting again.... I'm hoping in the next 2 weeks to have time to get one out!

Take My Hand, Just Hold On

Chapter 30: 4st 7lb

I sit perched on the edge of my window, legs up and arms wrapped around them, as I watch the sunrise at nearly six. Well, I don’t actually get to see the sun rising because I’m on the wrong side of the building, and even if I were on the right side the building across the street would block my view… God, I love cities. Note the sarcasm, please.

Anyway, even if I couldn’t see the sun rising, it was getting lighter out. It’s the start of a new day, one where I would hopefully not be a complete jerk to one of the only people in the world trying to help me. Yes, I’ll try, but I don’t hold much hope if I’m being completely honest.

“You really didn’t sleep at all, did you?” I hear a voice right behind me and a jump a little, causing me to tumble to the ground. I land on my elbow and protruding hip bone and yelp out in pain. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to startle you!” Robert says as he kneels on the ground next to me. I straighten out my legs trying to stretch out my pained hip. It seems to dull the pain a little. “Are you okay?” Robert asks.

I shrug as I twist my arm to look at my elbow. It’s a bit red, but looks fine, “I’m okay. Just hurt when I landed, but I’m fine now.” I grab at the window ledge with my uninjured arm and start to pull myself up. Robert grabs my other arm above my elbow and helps. I pull my arm away once I’m standing and he lets it go easily.

“You’re up early,” I say as I make my way slowly to the couch.

“Didn’t sleep great, but obviously better than you,” was his response as he took the other side of the couch. “Did you sleep at all?”

I shake my head, “No.” There’s a long silence, neither of us eager to talk. Finally I have to say something though; “Are you hungry?” was the first thing that came to mind.

Robert looks over at me and gives a bit of a sheepish smile that I assumed to mean yes, but he didn’t want to ask. I get up and walk to the fridge; walking is probably good for my hip anyway – walking off wounds and all. I open it and look in. No milk. No juice. No eggs. No fruit. No vegetables. I open the cupboard next to the fridge and find two cans of soup and an old bag of pasta. I look back to Robert and shrug, “I probably shouldn’t have asked… I don’t think I have anything breakfast-like.”

He walks around to me and grabs a glass and pours some water from the fridge. “That’s okay, I have to go meet Brian a bit later to go over some things, so I can wait until then.”

“Good,” I say, nodding. “Sorry,” I add.

“Do you mind if I stop by again this evening after Brian and I are finished?” he asks as he walks around to the stool.

I shrug, “Sure, if you want to.”

“I do,” he smiles. “Maybe I’ll bring some dinner? Get you to eat something…”

“You can bring something; I can’t guarantee that I’ll eat it though.”

“You don’t have to eat a lot, I’d just like to see you eat a little bit.”

I look in his pleading eyes and find myself nodding, “Fine, I will eat at least a few bites Mr. Pattinson.”

“Good,” he smiles. “Shall we watch some Saturday morning cartoons?”

I allow a small smile as I recall the few Saturday mornings we had together being deeply saddened by the state of morning cartoons in America now-a-days. I follow him out of the kitchen to the couch and change the channel.

***


I hear my buzzer just after 5 and force myself off the bed I’ve been laying on all day. I hobble to the door on my still-pained hip and answer, “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” I hear Robert answer on the other end. I don’t think, I just buzz him in. If I gave it any thought, I’m sure there’s no way he’d get in here and I was trying to be nice today, remember?

I unlock all my door locks in preparation and just wait, staring out the peephole until he came into view. I open the door before he knocks and he looked a little startled before stepping in, “I thought for sure this would be harder,” he says while pulling off his shoes.

“I shut my brain off,” I answer, looking at the white paper bag in his hand. I smell the air, “Indian?” I ask.

He nods, “Yeah, I remember we meant to go out for Indian before I left but we never got around to it. So, I thought I’d bring it to you instead!”

I try to smile a bit for him before I lock the door and wander into the kitchen to grab a couple plates and some utensils.

We split the food up and go to eat it on the couch. I try the garlic naan first and surprisingly want more of it – not because I don’t usually love garlic naan, but because I haven’t wanted to eat anything for a couple months. I take a few more bites before trying the curry and the rice dish. Everything tasted quite good and I ate more than I had in a long while. Even so, I couldn’t seem to get through more than half my plate of food, which was only half a plate to begin with.

Still, Robert seemed pleased with what I ate and I continued picking at the naan while I waited for him to finish. We put the leftovers in the fridge and I ask, “Where did you get this from? I liked the naan a lot.”

“I noticed,” he replies, “I think it was called Gill’s or something? It’s only a few blocks away.”

“Hmm. Well, it was good. Thanks for bringing it.”

“Thanks for eating it.”

We make our way back to the couch and I start flipping through channels, trying to find something on worth watching.

“Do you want to go for a walk with me, Brenna?” Robert suddenly asks.

I look over at him, “Uhm, not really…”

“Please? Just a short one?”

“I don’t really like going out… Especially if there’s no purpose behind it, Robert.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to you. I’ll be right there, it’s still very light out,” he tries explaining.

“I’m not really worried about getting jumped or anything,” I give a shallow laugh. “I just don’t much enjoy being around people.”

“Just a couple blocks?” he asks.

I close my eyes, be nice, I tell myself. “Okay. Just two blocks. 10 minutes, okay?”

Robert nods and gets up to put his shoes on. I follow.

Once out of the apartment, Robert takes out his cigarettes and lights one. “I see why you wanted to leave so badly,” I nod my head toward the now lit cancer stick in his mouth.

“Not why,” he responds, letting it hang loosely in his mouth as he talks. I never understood how the laws of gravity weren’t working against people who do that, or maybe they’re just skilled. “Just a nice bonus,” he finishes as he blows out his first drag.

“Can I see that thing for a moment?” I ask, already holding my hand out for it.

“You’re not going to throw it away are you?” he asks as he places it in my fingers.

I shake my head as I bring it to my mouth and inhale. I get an immediate urge to start coughing, but I hold it in as I blow out the smoke. “Hey! Give it back, Brenna. Jesus Christ,” Robert says, taking it from my hand. He takes one last puff and throws it on the ground.

I look at him curiously, “Was that necessary?”

He frowns, not looking at me, “I just don’t want everything about you to change.”

I was silent, unsure what to make of that sentence. The rest of the walk was almost completely quiet aside from a few mutterings of unimportant things.

I open the door to my apartment and walk in, holding the door a little for Robert before closing and locking it back up. I follow him to the couch and sit in my corner, bringing my legs up close to me.

“We could watch a movie? I’ve got a few recorded I think,” I say, trying to break the somewhat icy silence that had fallen between us.

**Rob’s POV***


I nod to her question, “Sounds good.” It was all I could muster. I didn’t know what to say to her to make anything better. I thought a walk would be good, fresh air, a bit of exercise. Maybe help her sleep tonight somehow. I refuse to believe this is a hopeless situation, but I can’t think of what to do at this point.

“Any opinions on what you want?” she asks, I look to her and she’s pointing to the screen. I look at the screen and see a few movies pulled up.

I shrug, “Whichever you want, I’m easy.”

She chooses Catch Me If You Can and manoeuvres her pillow into a more comfortable position. I look at the TV and try to pay attention; unfortunately, I fall flat. All I can think of is Brenna and how I can possibly help her. Getting her to go to that therapist is probably my best shot; God knows I’m not qualified for any of this. For all I know I’m making things fucking worse for her. I look over at her and my eyes run over her frail body. It almost makes me sick to look at her like this; she’s just so different, and I don’t know if it’s possible for her to be the way she used to be. I hope so. I should probably keep that hope alive; I think I’m the only one around her that has it.

I continue watching her, trying not to be too obvious or creepy about it, I was just trying to take in her appearance. My guess is that she weighed no more than 7 stone, which is ridiculously thin for someone who is about 1.7 metres. Still, she did eat tonight, so maybe if I just keep bringing by food I know she likes… Fuck, I can’t believe this happened. To her of all people. I’ve never wanted to kill someone before, but I think I’m pretty close to wanting to kill this James guy. At least I think this is what that feeling is.

I see her eyes fall shut for a few seconds, then flutter open. Then close. Open. And close. I wait a few minutes before I allow myself a smile. She’s asleep. See, maybe I am helping?
♠ ♠ ♠
Song: 4st 7lb by Manic Street Preachers. Goooood song. But, then, I`m a little biased because I chose it ;)

Notes: Yay! I got it up on time, definitely didn`t think it was going to happen this week! Patting myself on the back right...now! Also, it`s super long and kind of dull, so for that I apologize :P But! I hope you`re still enjoying it. I love the comments, keep 'em coming! Recommendations are super-cool and appreciated as well. Heck, just you guys' reading is awesome.
Until next Tuesday, then! Cheers <3

**Update: For those curious, 7 stone is about 100 lbs, and 1.7 metres is about 5'7" - although in actuality I have a thought in my head Brenna is more about 5'8" - but what does Rob know, right? ;) Anyway, hope that clears things up!

**Another update, someone pointed out that there are also kg conversions :P So! She's 45 kg and about 172 cms for others who are wondering. Gosh, I hope this isn't all too confusing, heh.