Take My Hand, Just Hold On

“Remember, just let me know as soon as you want to leave and we will,” Robert tells me as we walk up to Brian’s open front door.

There were about 5 people loitering around the stairs and in the entrance that we had to swerve through as I answer, “I know. Just as you have to remember to have a bit of fun tonight, and that means not worrying about me all the time.”

Robert glances back at me and gives a sheepish smile, as if to say he would try but it’s unlikely to happen. In response, I roll my eyes and stick out my tongue.

As we make it to the living room I hear, “Rob! You’re in escrow!” I look over to see Brian coming our way. “Brenna, a pleasure to see you, as always,” he adds as he got closer.

“Thanks for letting me tag along with Robert,” I tell him.

“Ah, who needs the bugger? You’re welcome with or without him,” Brian jokes as he puts an arm around Robert’s shoulders. “So, Rob, how does it feel to be in the home-owning business?”

“Couldn’t say quite yet,” Robert says, adding, “I’ve not moved in, and technically I don’t own the house until the 15th of next month, so it’d be a little weird if I did move in.”

“You may have a point there,” Brian smiles. “Can I interest you both in a beer or drink of another sort?”

“No thanks, mate. I’m driving tonight,” Robert replies, looking over at me.

I shake my head, “I’m not going to drink tonight. Why don’t you, Robert? I can drive us back.”

“Are you sure?” he questions.

“Absolutely.”

“Alright, shall we celebrate, then?” Brian asks, walking toward a table with a beer tub.

“Celebrate what?” Robert responds as we follow Brian to the table.

“Who needs a reason? The weekend, I suppose!”

“Cheers,” Robert says as he pops the cap off his beer.

“Cheers, mate.”

After following Robert around for nearly an hour I tap him on the shoulder to let him know I’m going to the kitchen to get a glass of water. “Oh, I’ll come with,” he says, ready to follow me 10 feet into the other room.

I laugh, “Not necessary, I think Robert. I’ll be back shortly.”

“Oh, okay. I guess I won’t be your body guard, then,” he pouts. I laugh a little and shake my head in an amused fashion before walking away.

I took a guess when I entered the kitchen as to which cupboard the glasses were in, and guessed correctly. As I begin to fill the glass with tap water I hear a voice behind me, “Want to put a little something else to that glass?”

I turn around to see a dark haired man with a bottle of vodka in his hand. “Uh, no thanks, I’m fine with water,” I respond, attempting to step around him, but he steps in front of me.

“Oh, come on now, it’s a party,” he prods, shaking the bottle a little as if to tempt me. I back up slightly and hit the counter, as he takes a step closer to me and unscrews the cap to the bottle.

“Look, I really can’t drink tonight, so if you’d just let me squeeze by you…” I trail off, hoping this guy would back off.

He takes a swig of vodka right out of the bottle as he lays his free hand on the counter to the left of me. I felt my heart start to race as images of James flashed through my head. Without really thinking, and wanting to try to get further away from the guy standing in front of me, I jumped up to sit on the counter. As I did this, he put his bottle down on the counter and put his other hand on the right side of my now seated legs. Looking slightly up at me and lifting a hand to my face, he grazes my cheek down to my chin and smiles, “You know, you’re a very pretty girl.”

I froze in much the same way as when James was raping me. My mind was screaming, wondering if this was happening again, and trying to get me to stop it, but I couldn’t seem to get myself to move or do anything as this guy’s hand trailed from my chin to my neck and his body pressed against my legs.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I hear, snapping me out of my silent reverie. I look up and see Robert striding toward us from the doorway.

The guy backs off slightly and says, “Just getting to know her a little better, you know?”

“Yeah, she’s not yours to get to know. Get the fuck out of here,” I can see Robert clenching his jaw, trying to stay as calm as possible.

The guy doesn’t make a move to leave, though. Instead he replies, “What, and she’s yours? Because, I hate to break it to you, she never said anything about a boyfriend.”

Robert looks over at me, “You – you weren’t okay with this were you?” I shake my head violently and he then turns back to the guy. “It doesn’t matter that she’s not ‘mine’, she doesn’t want you touching her, and you knew that. So, I will repeat: Get the fuck out.”

At that moment, Brian walks in, “Whoa, hey, men. What’s happening here?”

“This guy is trying to tell me who I can and cannot talk to at your party,” the dark haired man says.

Brian looks to Robert, who responds with, “You and I both know you were not just talking to her.” Robert looks to Brian and says, “He had his hands on Brenna, and that’s not something she wanted.”

Brian looks to me and I nod in agreement, dropping my head after to look at the ground, wondering how I could have let this happen. Why couldn’t I have just pushed past him? What is it within me that allows this shit to keep happening to me?

I hear in the background of my thoughts, “Okay buddy, you’re out. I’m telling Trevor to not invite you back to any of my parties. Just leave, okay?” I hear footsteps, and then feel the presence of me and one other body.

“Are you okay?” Robert asks, walking up to my still seated body.

I shake my head, “I just feel so fucking stupid and ashamed.”

“Ashamed? Why?”

I shrug, “I don’t know why I seem to freeze every time something like this happens to me, but I do. I mean, how easy would it have been to just walk around him and find you? Or just call out for you, or anyone?”

I watch as Robert’s body squats down until his face comes into view, and then I turn my head away slightly. He stands back up and lifts my chin up to meet his gaze, “None of this is your fault.”

I wait for more, but he says nothing else until, eventually, I nod my head. He smiles, “Can I help you down?”

I smile back at him and say, “Sure.” Robert puts his hands slightly above my hips and lifts me slightly as I slide off. As my feet hit the ground, I wrap my arms around him, “Thanks.”

I feel him nod as he takes his hands from hips and wraps them around my waist. “Feel like hiring me on as your body guard, now?” I hit his chest lightly as I back away and smile at him.