Life on Mars

*Jared’s POV*

I was convinced that she was a master of disguise. I don’t care what Eliza says about me being able to see it written all over her face; I meant what I said. I see what she puts there for me to see and nothing else. Nothing else except for a faint slit in the smokescreen that tells me there’s so much more going on in her head behind those gray eyes than she’s willing to admit.

In a way she’d also been right, though. When the elevator doors opened to the ninth floor and I was met with her anxious figure, I was sure she hadn’t wanted me to see the strange mix of elation and horror stretched out across her face. She was happy to see me, yes, but somehow also fearful of my unexpected arrival. It disappeared briefly then, only to reappear as we stood together in the bathroom, steam already collecting on the large mirror off to my left.

My invitation for her to join me was misleading. I didn’t expect anything from her, particularly sex. I only wanted to be close to her. After 48 hours of missing her smile and her skin and her scent…I just wanted to be with her. It felt like a lifetime had passed since we’d been in the same room. I’d thought that perhaps she would feel the same way, but when I saw the way every muscle in her body tensed at my suggestion, I started to think that wasn’t the case.

I still wasn’t sure how I felt about being here. I debated with myself during the entire drive to LAX as to whether or not I should turn the car around and just go back home. But I couldn’t push aside the way her voice sounded on the phone earlier – almost sad and a little disheartened. I entertained the idea during the flight that maybe it was all because she missed me, and the way she leapt into my arms only seemed to confirm this notion. I felt nothing but relief when she began smothering me with kisses.

By the time I’d gotten out of the shower I’d managed to convince myself that her reaction to my words before she disappeared from the room were only because she was still recovering from the initial shock of my unforeseen arrival. I reminded myself not to take it personally, that I already knew Eliza felt for me, and that it didn’t go any deeper than that.

Once I finished up in the bathroom and I stepped into her bedroom again, void only of a shirt, I saw that she was dozing off on her bed. My scarf was wrapped snugly around her neck and she grinned sheepishly at me before beckoning me towards her.

She looked so content and so comfortable that I had to laugh at her. I went across the room and settled on the mattress beside her, reaching out to push a strand of hair out of her eyes. She then reached up to cover my hand with hers. “I'm sorry,” she whispered. “You know I want to be close to you. It's just...I think I'm still recovering from the shock of having you here. I'd just gotten used to the awful idea of being without you all week.”

I smiled reassuringly at her, shaking my head. Her words were just what I needed to hear. “There's no need to apologize,” I told her. “I had a feeling that was what it all boiled down to anyways.”

She smiled gratefully, turning to press a kiss into the palm of my hand, then brought her gaze back to mine. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” I nodded immediately. I'd known for weeks that I would never keep anything from her. That meant no subject was off-limits.

“How long has it been?” She went on. “Since you've been with someone?”

I didn't have to think back. I'd been counting the months all along. “Well...three months since I've been with anyone but...about a year since I've been with anyone I really cared for. That probably sounds awful but it's true.”

This time she was the one providing me with the reassuring smile. “It doesn't sound awful,” she disagreed. “I understand. There's a difference for me, too. It's not as easy as some people think it is to hold out for that feeling each and every single time.”

I smirked and nodded again. “So when was the last time you had that feeling for someone?”

“Last summer,” she replied. “Shortly after Presley and I got back from our cruise I went to Prague for the remainder of the summer, just to clear my mind and regroup. I crossed paths with an American businessman who lived there for work and...we had a brief love affair. Don't say anything to Presley, though. I never told her and she'd have a field day if she found out. She'd think it was the answer to all of her questions.”

I laughed. “I'm sure I can resist. But I take it that means Holden knows?”

“He does,” Eliza answered. “I had to tell him in case he ever looked me up. Holden would be the first person he'd talk to.”

“Understandable. So what happened?” I asked curiously. “How come it didn't work out?”

“What happened is my trip ended,” she laughed. “I had to come home. Life goes on.”

I hesitated for a long moment before speaking again. “The inevitable conclusion, hmm?”

Obviously I was completely transparent to her, because she instantly knew what I was getting at. She pulled my hand away from her face and gathered it within both of hers. “You're a part of my life, Jared,” she whispered. “You, Shannon, Tomo...you're all a part of my life. It's different for me this time, just like it is for you. For the first time in a long time...I'm actually investing in someone, which means...I have something to lose if I walk away. But I don't want to walk away, and I don't want to lose you.”

“I don't want to lose you, either,” I admitted softly. I pulled my hand from hers and leaned down to press a tender kiss to her lips. She willingly kissed me back, but suddenly began giggling. I pulled away just enough to look into her eyes, giving her a smile of my own.

“Get your clothes off and get into my bed, Mr. Leto,” she grinned.

“Yes ma'am,” I laughed, my smile growing wider.

****

I woke up the next morning to the fresh scent of coffee brewing and the distant sound of chatter. I rolled over towards Eliza’s side of the bed, not at all surprised to see that she was gone. Then I glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was only 7:30, but I felt as if I’d been sleeping for days.

I would’ve never thought it was possible, but this bed was at least ten times more comfortable than any other bed I’d ever slept in.

I reached out and grabbed her pillow, covering my face with it and breathing in her scent. I spent several minutes inhaling and exhaling, using reverse psychology to jumpstart my sluggish body, before I pushed the pillow away again and climbed out of the bed. I threw some clothes on and made my way towards Eliza’s bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. When I pulled it open all the way the voices immediately grew louder. I knew they must all be in the livingroom because I could hear the television in the background.

An unfamiliar female’s voice, which I assumed belonged to Violet, was the first I heard. “You really think it's that bad, Izzy?”

“Well she read it, didn't she?” Came Holden's sarcastic reply.

“Shut up, Holden,” returned the mysterious female's voice. “No one asked you.”

Holden laughed, the tone of his laughter giving away that he wasn't phased by this female's attempt to deter his sarcasm. I stepped out into the hallway, pausing only when I heard Eliza's voice. I didn't want to interrupt.

“Yes, I really think it's that bad,” she replied. Her voice sounded much more distant than the others'. “Most novelists pick a couple of things to expand on. They'll choose a job or hobby for their character and then research it to the death. They include pertinent information in the story and thus enable the reader to learn new things. But this guy chose to write about at least three different things: cameras, aircrafts, and ancient Egypt. And he does it in this very textbook, specific, factual way, which I found pretentious and very know-it-all. Why can't he try to relate to his readers and be down-to-earth about his knowledge, instead of telling the reader what kind of stupid camera the protagonist uses? It's just...snobby. So...return the fucking book, Vi.”

Holden began laughing again, and I used the break in conversation as an opportunity to emerge from the hallway. Violet, in all her mahogany-haired beauty, was the first to notice me. She was curled up on an oversized butter yellow colored armchair with a steaming mug of coffee. Holden was sitting on the matching couch nearby, sifting through The New York Times. Eliza was standing near what I presumed was the kitchen doorway with a dishtowel slung over her shoulder, her arms crossed over her chest and a soft smile on her face. Everyone was still in their pajamas with disheveled bedhead. It made me think of Christmas morning.

“Well good morning, sleepyhead,” Violet grinned incredulously. “My God, my cousin wasn’t kidding. You are even more gorgeous in person...”

I blushed instantly and Violet’s jaw dropped.

“And he’s even got the decency to look bashful,” she went on. “Fucking adorable...”

“Would you stop harping on the man?” Holden laughed, glancing over his shoulder at me. “Good morning, Jared. What a pleasant surprise it was when Eliza told us you’d unexpectedly flown in from California. Couldn’t take another day without her, hmm?”

“Actually...no,” I smiled. Like a magnetic force, Eliza and I moved towards one another and exchanged a tender kiss and a long embrace.

“Meet my cousin, Violet,” she said when we pulled away from one another.

I smiled and stepped forward, shaking Violet’s outstretched hand. Her intense hazel eyes burned up at me with something akin to curiosity and suspicion. I have to admit that it confused the hell out of me...

“I can’t believe you’re in my house,” she mumbled.

“Violet, stop it,” Holden sighed with amusement. “If you keep acting like this then we’re not going to be able to leave him with you all day. He’s your cousin’s boyfriend – nothing more, nothing less.”

Violet shot Holden a dirty look and then smiled up at me again. I couldn’t resist smiling back. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “It’s just a bit much to digest, you know? I didn’t really believe the two of you were dating until I saw that picture of you in People.” Her chest rose and fell in a gentle sigh as she motioned to the house around her with her free hand. “You make a beautiful couple. Welcome, and please, make yourself at home.”

“Thank you,” I nodded gratefully.

I turned away from Violet when I felt Eliza tugging on my hand. “Have a seat over by Holden,” she suggested. “I'll bring the both of you some coffee.”

“Okay,” I smiled, leaning down to press another kiss to her lips. “Thanks, babe.”

I watched as she disappeared into the kitchen, then went over to where Holden was and settled into the empty space beside him. He sighed, shutting the newspaper and folding it up, then tossed it onto the coffee table. He turned to me.

“Book reviews at 7:30 in the morning,” he muttered, gesturing to the novel sitting on the coffee table in front of Violet. “Can you believe these two?”

“I don't think I've ever even seen Eliza awake at 7:30 in the morning, so no,” I laughed.

Eliza reappeared then, bearing a mug of coffee for both myself and Holden. We each took one and thanked her, and it was only when she nodded towards Violet that Holden and I knew she'd heard us. “I used to be a morning person. Ask my cousin.”

Violet snorted with laughter but her eyes never left the news droning on across the television screen. “It's true,” she attested. “Right up until she started writing. Then she became a total night owl. Now she's only awake early when she has to work. Otherwise she's still up all night because that's when she wants to work.”

“There's no shame in that,” I shrugged with another laugh. “I'm guilty of doing it on a regular basis myself.”

“Good thing you weren't up last night,” Holden chuckled from beside me. “We were shitfaced.”

Eliza laughed loudly, moving back towards the kitchen again. “I still can't believe they didn't wake you up,” she said over her shoulder. “They were making so much noise when they got in.”

“It's only because we tripped when we came through the doorway,” Violet said defensively as she rolled her eyes.

Holden scoffed and narrowed his blue eyes at her. “No, you tripped and you tried to take me down with you.”

“It doesn't matter!” Eliza interrupted loudly from the kitchen. “You both made it through the door in one piece, didn't you? So that should be the end of it!”

Holden and Violet both looked as if they were about to argue with her, but the house phone unexpectedly began to ring. Violet let out a heavy sigh as Eliza shouted that she'd answer it, and as soon as the ringing stopped I saw Holden eyeing the kitchen doorway suspiciously. Seconds later Eliza popped her head out, her gaze settling directly on him.

“It's Kellan,” she informed him. “I'm finishing up breakfast. Can you get this for me?”

“Sure thing,” Holden nodded. He got up from the couch and quickly closed the gap between he and Eliza, taking the cordless phone from her. She ducked back into the kitchen as Holden greeted this Kellan person, still holding his coffee mug in the other hand.

Violet promptly turned to me. “So I don't know if you caught it earlier, but you're stuck with me today. I took some time off since Eliza's in town and I didn't really have anything special planned. You're welcome to hang out with me or...go do your own thing if you'd like. I don't mind either way.” Then she suddenly cocked an eyebrow at me curiously. “This is gonna sound like a dumb question, but do you ever like...think twice about going out?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I mean...do you ever stay in because you're afraid that if you do go out, you'll get hounded by the press or crazed fans or something?”

“Not really,” I replied. “It can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but what choice do I have? I either stay in and keep myself from living a life or...suck it up and just do what I want.” I smiled politely at her. “No one knows I'm in New York, so if you'd like to go out and do something then I'm game for it. It's not difficult to keep a low profile when the press isn't expecting to see my face.”

Violet laughed softly and nodded. “I like the way you think, Jared,” she said. “And yes, actually, I did have something in mind. I was thinking about getting my hair done.”

I started to respond but Holden beat me to it.

“No,” he told her firmly, dropping back down onto the couch beside me, sans the cordless phone. “Your hair is beautiful just the way it is and you don't need a new hairstyle.” He quickly turned to me. “Right, Jared?”

Once again, I started to respond, but this time Violet beat me to it.

“Look at who you're asking,” she snapped at him. “Jared changes his hairstyle and hair color every other day, Holden. Seriously.”

“Yes, and what I can't understand is why everybody always wants to mess with a good thing,” he retorted. “It just doesn't make any~”

“Enough!” Eliza shouted, coming through the kitchen doorway with a plate in each hand. “Amazing, isn't it?” She sighed, her eyes on me as she placed them on the table in the dining area. “They manage to bicker like they're still sleeping together.”

Both Holden and Violet's gazes shot towards Eliza, their disapproval at her spilling the secret evident. Eliza merely shrugged dismissively and returned to the kitchen to retrieve the other two plates.

“Thanks, Eli,” Violet grumbled after her as she stood up, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

Holden got up, too, and motioned for me to follow him. As I did he glanced at me and smirked. “Welcome to my New York,” he mumbled under his breath, delivering a manly slap to my shoulder.

Violet delivered an evil glance our way, but the second she turned back around Holden and I grinned at one another.

No, it certainly wasn't the New York I was used to. But I didn't mind one bit.

****

Three hours later I was hiding beneath a charcoal gray fedora hat and wrapped up in a broken-in navy blue NYU zip-up hoodie that belonged to Eliza. It had to be at least three times too big for her, thus the reason she rarely wore it anymore. But I was more than happy to make use of it. I liked knowing it was something she'd owned and loved for years.

I was spinning around in slow circles in an empty salon chair, watching as the stylist skillfully and meticulously shaped Violet's hair beside me. Despite her adamant protests, I used my name to get her into an upscale salon that I occasionally visited while in town. Violet only ceased arguing with me when I explained to her that money alone can only get a person so far. The rest depended on reputation.

And at first, I felt a little like a prick for wording it like that, but when I saw her wide smile as I hung up the phone after booking the appointment, I knew I'd done the right thing.

“So...you and Holden?” I finally inquired, ceasing to spin when I was facing her again. “For how long?”

Violet sighed, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Come on,” I laughed. “You had to know it was coming.”

“I did,” she acknowledged. “I'm actually surprised you didn't ask earlier.”

I laughed again and motioned to the stylist. “You're pinned down in a chair beneath sharp objects. You can't run.”

“Ah, right,” she laughed in return. Then her smile gradually faded and her expression turned thoughtful. “Holden and I had a thing going for about a year,” she finally returned. “But...I wanted to take the next step and he didn't, so I broke it off.”

I carefully considered her words. “Are you saying you wanted to marry Holden?”

Violet chuckled gently and managed to shake her head for a second. “No. I brought up the idea of one of us relocating. I was willing to move there, only because I knew he was working for Eli, but he said he just wasn't ready for that yet.”

“Is it awkward?” I asked curiously. “Him working for Eliza and being at your house?”

“No,” she smiled. “It was never awkward for us, that's why it worked so well in the first place. Even afterward it seemed like it should've been harder than that. But it wasn't and...that's when we knew that things ended exactly the way they were supposed to.”

I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. I'd felt that way about many past relationships, and while on some level it troubled me, on a deeper level I understood that the right person just hadn't come along yet.

“You really like her, don't you?” Violet suddenly questioned softly.

I hadn't even noticed my gaze had dropped until I realized I had to lift my head to make eye contact with her. Her large hazel eyes were filled with so much sincerity that for a moment it overwhelmed me to the point that all I could do was nod. I was at a complete loss for words.

“She really likes you, too,” she informed me. “More than she's probably letting on.”

I let out a heavy sigh, raising my eyes to the stylist, whose name was Gina. She must have felt my eyes on her, because she met them almost right away. “Can you give us five minutes?” I implored.

She nodded silently, running her fingers through Violet's hair one last time before drifting away. As soon as Gina was out of earshot, Violet spun towards me so that we were face to face.

“I'm sorry,” I began. “But this is a public place and there are no guarantees that the stylist isn't going to repeat everything we're saying. It's not even that I have anything in particular that I want to say, I'd just rather keep the topic of your cousin between the two of us.”

“Understandable,” Violet smiled. “You're entitled to your privacy.” She popped her arms out of each side of the cape and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees. “But now that she's walked away I can ask you what I've been dying to ask you: are you hopelessly in love with my cousin?”

I laughed lightly, admittedly caught off guard by her question. “Well I wouldn't quite say I'm there yet but...”

“On your way,” she finished for me, her knowing smile never ceasing. “Look, Jared...the fact that you're even here right now, the fact that she hasn't sent you home, is a massive milestone for her. For as long as I can remember she's always kept everyone at an arm's length. Obviously there's something about you that appeals to her on another level. So honestly...take what you can get, while you can get it.”

“Meaning?” I pressed humorously.

“Meaning make a move on her, for crying out loud,” she said, throwing her arms out around her. “You're Jared fucking Leto!”

I frowned, leaning back in the salon chair and crossing my arms over my chest. I didn't have the slightest clue what to think of her suggestion, and I didn't know whether to take it personal or not.

“Don't look at me like that,” she laughed casually. “All I'm saying is that if you can't break her, and it is so painfully obvious that what you feel for her goes way beyond a Hollywood attraction, then there is just no hope for the rest of us...”

I watched as she spun back towards the large mirror anchored to the wall and pulled on a strand of hair until it was poker straight, presumably to check the length. She stole a quick glance at me, but I still couldn't manage to wipe the frown from my face.

“She told me that I make her uneasy,” I admitted quietly. “Last night.”

“Good,” Violet scoffed. “Cocky little bitch...” Then she cocked an eyebrow at me again, just as she had earlier. “You're both gorgeous. Why is it that you two are trying so fucking hard not to sleep together?”

“What's the rush?” I retorted. “We've got all the time in the world. And how the hell do you know we haven't slept together anyway?”

“I can tell,” she shrugged. “Don't worry, she doesn't kiss and tell – Presley had to have mentioned that already. We both try like hell to get details out of her but she won't budge.” She stole another glance at me. “And the fact that you're in no rush tells me one thing.”

“Oh yeah? And what's that?”

“That my cousin was right: the tabloids really do have it all wrong.”

The smile instantly began tugging at the corners of my lips. “I'm glad you feel that way,” I told her softly.

“Me too,” she replied, still toying with her hair. “Because something tells me you're not going anywhere anytime soon. Hope you like awkward family holidays with people that effectively avoid eachother the rest of the year!”

I couldn't keep myself from laughing, and I felt guilty at first, but I felt better when Violet began laughing, too. As awful as she tried to make it sound, I honestly couldn't think of anything better than spending a holiday with Eliza.

Except maybe the rest of my life. But that remained to be seen.