Life on Mars

*Jared’s POV*

I pulled a pillow into my lap and sighed. It was the next morning and after recounting the events of the night before with Shannon in my livingroom, I was beginning to feel like I should start drinking again already. “Okay, explain this to me one more time,” I requested. “I still don’t think I get it.”

Shannon laughed. “It doesn’t make any more sense than it did the first time if I keep saying it,” he protested. “Why does it matter so much? Eliza made it incredibly clear that she doesn’t want to see you again.”

It mattered. It mattered because I’d spent hours having one of the best conversations of my life. It mattered because even when we were dancing, I still wanted to respect her boundaries. I didn’t ask her to come home with me. Every bone in my body wanted to, and when I didn’t because I actually feared she’d say yes, I was shocked to find Shannon standing near the back of the club by himself at the end of the night. I scolded myself for not at least asking for her phone number earlier, for finding out if she lived in L.A., and most of all for not asking if I could see her again.

Then Shannon told me she’d gotten angry about something. I kept asking him about what, but at first all he would say is that she and Presley had gotten into some sort of disagreement in the ladies room. Then he tried to say he said something that offended her. But I didn’t buy any of it, and after grilling him relentlessly for several minutes, he finally admitted that Eliza West had no interest in being in any kind of relationship with me. He told me she said it wasn’t personal, that she just preferred to be alone.

Then he told me that he reassured her that I was relationship-phobic as well, and I proceeded to tell him what a jerk he was all the way home. But only after I wrestled his phone out of his pocket and called Presley’s number. I was almost relieved when Eliza picked up the phone.

Right up until she hung up in my face.

“She mentioned knowing that I get around,” I grumbled. “I’m sure that like everybody else in this town, she knows about everyone I’ve dated.”

“So what?” Shannon returned. “I told you she said it wasn’t personal. If she were honestly appalled by your dating history then I’m sure she wouldn’t have spent almost three hours with you.”

Okay, so he had a point. “Maybe,” I relented. “But I don’t know that for sure. I mean she hung up in my fucking face when she realized I was the one calling Presley’s phone.”

“Yes, which you deserved after practically knocking me out when you took it away from me. Very childish, by the way.”

I gave him a smug smile. “At least I got it.”

“Even more childish,” he laughed. “Congratulations.”

“Fuck you,” I laughed in return, picking up the pillow in my lap and tossing it at him. “Are you gonna call Presley?”

“Yes, later on,” he answered carefully. “When I’m not in the general vicinity of you or your house.”

I tried to sound casual. “Do you think she’d give you Eliza’s number?”

“No. And I’m not even comfortable asking. I refuse to be in the middle of this and I’ll bet Presley feels the exact same way.”

“Well could you at least ask?” I pressed. Ugh. I felt pathetic.

Fuck it. If it got me her number then I didn’t mind.

Shannon sighed, his hazel eyes wandering all around the room as he thought it over. “Fine,” he eventually replied. “But if she says no then for the love of Christ, please don’t ask again.”

“Deal,” I nodded.

I watched as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open.

“Are you calling her right now?” I asked, feeling a flash of panic ripple through my veins. I wasn’t sure I could handle rejection from the same woman twice in less than twenty-four hours.

“No,” he snorted. “I’m sending her a text message.” He typed out a quick message, then set the phone on the couch next to his leg. He opened his mouth to say something but his phone beeped, and before I knew it I was leaning forward in anticipation of Presley’s response. He read the message, taking far too long to do so, and then laughed loudly.

“What?” I demanded. “What’d she say?”

He laughed again. “She said, and I quote, ‘Sure. But they’ll never find my body.’” He typed in another text message, flipped his phone shut and stuffed it back into his pocket, then raised his eyes to mine. “This is the weirdest kind of rejection I’ve seen yet,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, bro.”

“It’s cool,” I sighed, but we could both hear the blatant lie in my response. I hated every second of this. One inadequate explanation after another and I got the feeling that I either would never get a decent one, or that if I did it wouldn’t be any time soon. I stood up and wandered towards the doorway. “I’m gonna change and head over to the gym,” I told Shannon over my shoulder. “You want to come?”

“Sure,” he answered. “I need something to keep me busy.”

Yes, he needed something to keep him busy until he called his new girlfriend. The new girlfriend that was best friends with my new object of affection.

****

I spent the next few days enduring intense workouts and late-night songwriting sessions with Shannon. Tomo came by once or twice, but as predicted he was mostly missing in action due to his sister’s presence in town. We all went out to dinner together in Santa Monica one night, and I found the laughter and the jokes and the presence of friends incredibly helpful in my efforts to distract myself from thinking of Eliza’s exquisite smile and infectious laughter.

I missed her. I missed her and I barely even knew her.

Shannon had only passively mentioned Presley’s name a few times, and I knew he was intentionally avoiding doing so for my sake. As promised, I didn’t ask if she’d changed her mind about giving me Eliza’s number, and I even refrained from asking about Eliza in general. I figured the less I knew the more likely the sting was to fade away.

But I was wrong. It didn’t fade away. It only intensified with time.

So by the following week I’d had about enough. I realized that if I wanted to get anywhere I’d have to take things into my own hands. I didn’t know where to start, but I figured that the internet was a good place. It was stupid, I know, but I thought that I might as well prove to myself that her phone number was indeed unlisted. People that didn’t want to be found didn’t usually have listed phone numbers…

I was sitting at the island countertop in the center of my kitchen with my laptop when I got started, and as soon as I typed in the words, “Eliza West, Los Angeles,” and thousands of accurate hits – not just key words – came up, I knew something was going on.

The third one was a Wikipedia entry, and I frowned at the screen skeptically. Wikipedia?

I curiously clicked on the link, not expecting much, but my frown only grew deeper when I saw a photograph of her on the right hand side of the page. It was impromptu, and so clearly taken in Los Angeles. I began to read the text:

“Eliza Phoenix West (E.P. West), is a bestselling author from Miami, FL. She has written seven novels, all of which have made The New York Times Bestsellers List, and is in the process of writing her eighth. She currently resides in Los Angeles, California, where she has been living for the last two years.”

I groaned, covering my eyes with my hands and taking a deep breath. Unbelievable. She hadn’t ever told me what she did for a living, had she?

I dropped one hand onto the countertop, going back one page and clicking on the images link instead. Several photos came up. Press photos, professional portraits that were obviously from book jackets, and photos from book signings.

This was disastrous. I was officially positive that she didn’t want to be seen with me.

The front door suddenly opened and slammed shut, startling me. I jumped but didn’t turn around. Shannon was the only one with a key, and as I listened to his footsteps grow nearer I sighed heavily.

“Aren’t you gonna say hi?” He asked from the doorway behind me, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“To you? No,” I answered. “I just saw you this morning. Aren’t you sick of me yet?”

“Well yes, but~”

“Shannon, I’m convinced that Eliza does not want to be seen anywhere near me or even associated with me,” I interrupted him. “She’s an accomplished novelist and we all know what kind of reputation I have in Hollywood. I’m sure she doesn’t want to damage her own reputation. Quite frankly…I don’t blame her.”

It was then that I heard the distinct and unfamiliar second set of footsteps. I took another deep breath, praying that I hadn’t just completely fucked myself over, and twisted around in the chair.

And I felt both relief and sadness upon seeing Presley’s pretty face. She smiled gently and moved closer to me, peering over my shoulder at the computer screen. Shannon simply watched with interest from the doorway.

“Did you check out the Wikipedia entry?” Presley inquired excitedly. “I wrote it. But don’t tell Eli. She’d freak.”

“I think I can manage that,” I returned sarcastically. “I’d have to be talking to her in order to avoid telling her a secret.”

“Right,” she nodded, still smiling. Her green eyes were inexplicably playful. “You’re wrong, you know. Eli isn’t even slightly shallow. Yes, it’s true that you have a reputation around Hollywood for failing to be one of the…nicer celebrities…but she, in fact, thinks you’re very nice.”

“Well thank you for telling me that, but it doesn’t really help much,” I informed her. I twisted around further in the chair so that I could see Shannon better. “What the hell is going on?” I asked him.

He shrugged casually and nodded to Presley. “She asked me to bring her here.”

“Huh,” I murmured. I looked at Presley again, who was busy reading her ingenious Wikipedia entry. “What’s going on?” I demanded. “Why did you ask him to bring you here?”

She turned her attention to me immediately and grinned again. “We should talk,” she replied.

“About what?” I questioned naively. I knew who she wanted to talk about but I didn’t know what she wanted to talk about.

“Oh come on now,” she chuckled. “Eli, of course.” She shifted to another part of the countertop, then pressed her lips together and bent down to rest her elbows against the surface. “Her publicist, Holden, likes to tell her that the best word he can think of to describe her is ‘intense.’ However, I beg to differ. I think ‘impossible’ is far more accurate.”

That sounded about right. “Go on,” I urged quietly.

Presley motioned towards Shannon with her eyes. “I know your brother told you he doesn’t want to get involved. I also know that he said he was pretty sure I didn’t want to get involved, either. But…I do. I want to get involved because I know she’s impossible and I know how she is and it just makes my blood boil.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “And getting involved means what, exactly?”

“Well…” She sighed. “I want to ask you something first.”

I nodded in response.

“She doesn’t need someone that’s weak,” she began. “She needs someone who can put up with her bullshit and…who doesn’t give up easily. It can’t just be about this being a challenging piece of ass. You have to really, truly want this.”

“What makes you so sure she’ll change her mind about me?” I asked.

“It’s not about you,” she shook her head. “It’s about relationships and…intimacy and…the whole picture.” She held out her hands about a foot away from one another. “Think big picture, Jared.”

“Is there a reason she feels whatever way that she does?”

“If I could answer that with a yes, I wouldn’t explain the details,” she admitted. “But the truth is, no, there’s no reason for it other than her own parents’ marriage failing. I have listened very carefully in every conversation I’ve had with her in the last two years, trying to hear something in her voice that meant she got knocked around by some guy or whatever but…nothing. She’s not the type to lie anyway. She’s very frank and very honest, sometimes almost painfully honest, so that’s actually another thing. If you can’t handle the hard truth then don’t even bother with her.”

“He can take it,” Shannon chuckled from the other side of the room.

I twisted around to glare at him again, but my expression softened when I realized he was right. I could probably use an honest woman in my life…

“So what’s it gonna be?” Presley implored. “You want to think about it first?”

“No,” I answered quickly, reaching forward to flip my laptop closed. “What do I need to do?”

Presley squealed joyfully, then reached out to tug on the sleeve of my t-shirt. “For starters, put some clothes on. We’re gonna go for a ride.”

My heart leapt in my chest. Did that mean what I thought it meant? My eyes shot towards Shannon again and he only smiled, nodding towards my stairwell.

“You’d better get dressed,” he told me. “And…leave out the black fingerless gloves this time, okay?”

I shot up out of the chair and practically ran across the kitchen and into the foyer. I’d managed to make it halfway up the stairs before Shannon and Presley could get another word out, and I could hear her gentle laughter echoing through the house. I suddenly longed to hear Eliza’s laughter even more...

I wasn’t prepared for any kind of confrontation but I would take what I could get.

****

I felt like I was going to throw up. The car ride was taking far longer than I’d expected it to, and as I began to see the signs for Santa Monica on Pacific Coast Highway, I leaned forward to the front seat. I felt like an idiot for doing it, but I just had to point something out.

“I thought your Wikipedia thing said she lived in Los Angeles,” I said to Presley. “Why are we in Santa Monica?”

Presley laughed. “Well that’s the information Holden has put out,” she answered. “If I say Santa Monica then she might get suspicious, and I already think she’s suspects I’m the one that wrote that entry.”

“Right,” I nodded, flopping back against the seat again. I began to gnaw on my bottom lip again, ignoring Shannon’s eyes in the rearview mirror, and continued mulling over what I was going to say to Eliza when I saw her. After 45 minutes I still hadn’t come up with anything even slightly useful.

“We’re here…” Presley suddenly sang, and my gaze snapped upwards to the quickly approaching driveway. Shannon abruptly turned into it, and seconds later he killed the engine. They both twisted around in the front seat to look at me, but my eyes were already cemented to the huge house outside the window.

It was pristine white, with a decent-sized parking area at the top and a two car garage just off to the left. Several palm trees hovered over the perimeter of the house and they swayed gently in the breeze. I sighed heavily and turned to Shannon and Presley.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked Presley. “I mean…does she at least know you were planning on stopping by?”

“No,” she shrugged. “But my florist shop is closed today so she knows to expect me at some point or another.” She reached out and patted my leg reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Jared, she’s not going to kick us out.”

I wished I believed her. I wished I believed that this situation was going to turn out well and wouldn’t only make things worse. I still didn’t think it was the best idea in the world, and during the entire drive over I went through a massive range of emotions. First exhilaration, excitement, and anticipation, then fear, anxiety, and nervousness. None of it was helping me to formulate coherent words in my head. When had I ever been so uneasy about talking to a woman?

Never, and that was the problem.

When Shannon and Presley started to climb out of the car, I automatically followed suit. I could hear the ocean waves crashing in the distance, and while Presley marched right up to the front door and began searching for something on the ground, Shannon hung behind to walk with me.

“Look…” He began. “I’d be lying if I said I agreed with Presley and I thought that this was going to…work or…whatever. But honestly, Jared, I can tell you’ve been trying everything in your power to forget about Eliza for the last three days. If you can’t then…you should at least take advantage of the opportunity and tell her that.”

I nodded discreetly. “Thanks,” I said quietly. “I appreciate that.”

He swung his arm over my shoulders, and when we both faced forward again just in time to see Presley stand upright with a key in her hand, he was the first to groan loudly.

“Oh my God, tell me we’re not about to walk in on her not only unannounced, but without even knocking, too,” he sighed. His arm dropped from my shoulders as he stared at Presley in horror.

“I can do no such thing,” she smiled. “Calm down, me and Holden do this to her all the time. Why do you think I know where her spare key is?” She moved towards the door, slipped it into the lock and twisted, and a second later she pushed it open and stepped inside. “Eliza!” She shouted. “Where the hell are you?”

Shannon and I both uneasily stepped in after her. As he pushed the door shut behind us again, I heard the sound of Eliza’s voice, riddled with unmistakable exhaustion.

“I’m upstairs, you retard!” She yelled. “Do you fucking see me down there?”

I nudged Presley’s arm and she glanced over her shoulder at me. “Are we waking her up?” I whispered cautiously.

“No,” Presley answered. “I talked to her three hours ago and she was already up for the day. She only sounds like that because she’s waiting for a callback from her editor. She turned in her manuscript two days ago and she’s just a little frazzled right now.”

I opened my mouth to speak again but Shannon stepped up to my defense before I could. “You’re throwing him to the wolves, Presley!” He complained. “What is this, we try to catch her when she’s at her most vulnerable?”

“No,” Presley responded, looking hurt by the suggestion. “We’re catching her when she’s at her best and her most honest.” She turned to me again. “This is not a coincidence, Jared. I could’ve brought you here two days ago but what would’ve been the point? I had to let time wear her down a little.”

And stress, I thought. I moaned softly, burying my face in my hands. I didn’t like where this was going, but I wouldn’t turn back now. I couldn’t. Not with her so close. “Presley,” I said in between my fingers, making a split second decision that I was hoping I wouldn’t regret. “Where is she upstairs? I’ll go talk to her.”

“If you go through the kitchen and up the stairwell here,” she motioned to the one closest to us as I dropped my hands again, “then second door on the left. If you go up the one in the back of the livingroom over there, then second door on the right once you get around the corner.”

I didn’t look at her or my brother as I moved away from them and towards the nearest stairwell. I tried to remain as quiet as possible as I climbed the stairs, feeling both sets of eyes watching me. When I reached the top I took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen, ignoring the slight hysteria threatening my very being as I moved across the floor. Before I knew it I’d reached that second doorway.

I noticed right away that unlike the rest of the house, which was filled with bright, natural light, that there was hardly any light coming out of this room. Shannon’s words rang in my ears and I worried all over again that we’d arrived at the worst time possible. But I pushed aside the thought and stepped into the doorway anyway.

I could see Eliza’s head just over the back of her desk chair. She was facing her desk, and I did a quick inventory of the room, glad that she couldn’t see me. This was clearly her office. Scattered papers and books lay everywhere, and a tall, dim lamp in the corner was the only source of light.

“Remind me to change the hiding spot of my spare key,” she said slowly, her back still to me.

I stifled a small laugh, then hoped for the best. “I won’t tell her you moved it if you don’t.”

She didn’t respond right away. Her head merely dropped back against the desk chair and she let out a heavy sigh. “Of course,” she breathed. “Of course she would do this to me.”

Obviously she was talking to herself, not me.

“Actually…I just want to ask you a question,” I explained.

“And what do you want to ask me?” She grumbled.

I cleared my throat and spoke as softly as I could. “Presley thinks that…persistence is key. Is that true?”

Eliza slowly spun the chair around so that she was face to face with me, and I was surprised to see her wearing sophisticated satin red square-framed glasses. I knew then that her steel gray eye color was indeed natural, and somehow the exhaustion that clouded them only made her that much more painstakingly beautiful. “Does it matter?” She asked wistfully. “Presley’s just gonna keep…pushing for all the things she thinks I need.”

“What do you need?” I whispered. “At least tell me that.”

She chuckled quietly and shook her head. “A phone call from my editor.”

“Eli…” I murmured, my voice wandering off when I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Judging from the expression on her face she hadn’t expected my pleading tone, because she started to look almost guilty.

“Okay,” she sighed again. “But…is there anyway I can get back to you on that?”

I nodded. “Sure.” I was positive that those eyes could get me to do anything and agree to anything she wanted.

She nodded, too, then stood up and smoothed out her blue v-neck tank top. “Sorry about hanging up on you the other day,” she frowned. “It’s just that…”

“It’s complicated, I know,” I finished for her. “You don’t need to explain. We can talk about it another time.”

“And…what if I change my mind?” She inquired. “What if I decide I don’t want to talk about it after all?”

I shrugged. “Well I hope that won’t be the case,” I admitted. “But if it is then…I guess I’ll have my answer, won’t I?”

She nodded again, then crossed her arms over her chest and slipped past me out into the hallway. I noticed that she was careful not to brush any part of her body up against mine. “Come on,” she said over her shoulder. “I’ll make everyone something to eat.”