Life on Mars

*Eliza’s POV*

By the time Jared and I made it into the kitchen, Presley and Shannon were already perched atop stools at my island countertop, laughing about something together. Presley looked up first, smiling proudly at me.

“I didn’t give anyone your number,” she reminded me.

I growled under my breath at her. “Don’t even start with me,” I warned through clenched teeth. “This is not the time.”

“Fine,” she chirped. “But by the time you do want to talk about it, you’ll already have figured out that I’m right…”

“I somehow doubt that,” I smiled wryly. I glanced briefly at Shannon. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he smiled. “You look like you could use a drink.”

I laughed bitterly and looked at Presley again. “Thanks to you.” I walked over to the fridge, pulled it open, and began rummaging around. “I’m a vegetarian so if you don’t like the meal I’m about to make then too bad,” I announced over my shoulder. “Presley, please show the guys around.”

“But~” She started.

“Go!” I hollered, my voice reverberating off the interior of the fridge. “You’re already on my last nerve.”

“Okay, okay,” she relented. “We’re going.”

I stood frozen in place, waiting until I heard the rustle of more than one set of footsteps leaving the room. As the footsteps began to ascend the stairs back down to the first floor, Presley’s voice began to mingle with them.

I took a breath and shook my head, leaning forward and resting my forehead against the edge of the top shelf. I held it in my lungs, and exhaled only when the plastic grew so cold against my skin that it was almost painful.

Why? Why had she done this? What was the point? I’d spent the last three days fielding her incessant questions about why I wouldn’t just talk to Jared, why I wouldn’t try to explain to him why I’d left Area without saying goodbye. I kept repeating the same things over and over to her, trying to get it through her thick skull that whatever it was that he wanted, there was no way in hell I could possibly want the same thing.

And I hated myself for it, but the basic facts remained the same. I couldn’t get him out of my head. When I sat staring at the phone, waiting for Beth to call, I thought of him. When I stood on my back deck drinking tea and watching the early bird surfers, I thought of him. When I lay in bed surrounded by my excessive amount of pillows, trying so hard to sleep, I thought of him. When I put on reruns of CSI to kill some time, I thought of him.

It was killing me. I had to get it out of my system at some point. I had to explain to him why I thought getting involved with him wasn’t a good idea for either of us. I wasn’t worried that it wouldn’t make any sense to him. I wasn’t worried that it would make complete sense to him. I was only worried that no matter what he thought of my explanation, he would try and convince me to feel otherwise.

Then, strangely enough, he spoke, and I realized in that instant that Jared had never even left the room. “You know…” He began. “You really don’t need to make anything for us but…if you really want to…I could help out. You’ve been standing there an awful long time.”

I made a face at the inside of the fridge, then pulled my forehead away from the shelf and placed the palm of my hand on top of my skin to warm it up again. I pushed the refrigerator door shut with my free hand and turned around. I didn’t look at him, though. Instead I stared at his hands folded on the countertop in front of him. “Why aren’t you downstairs?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

“Because I’d rather have you show me around,” he replied.

I nodded, leaning back against the closed refrigerator door and slowly lifting my gaze to his. Just like at Area three nights prior, the expression on his face made my heart ache. I reached up and covered my eyes, already feeling my face grow red at what I was about to ask next.

“What did she say to you?” I said softly. “When you saw her before you guys came here. What did she say?”

“A lot of things,” he admitted. “She said…you weren’t the type to lie and that you’re painfully honest. She also said that…in the last two years she’s been unable to find any reason why you’re so reluctant to be involved with anyone. It’s just that…Shannon told me how you mentioned that you’ve dated a few people since moving here and…even though they’re both telling me it’s not personal, I can’t help but wonder why now, of all times, you’ve decided you’d rather be alone.”

“It’s not personal,” I reassured him. “It’s just that…being alone was always the ultimate goal.” I finally dropped my hand and gestured down the hallway to my office. “Look at what I do for a living, Jared. Do you think I could accomplish anything with kids running around my house and screaming at the top of their lungs? I made a decision years ago that this, that being a novelist full-time, was the only thing I really wanted out of life.”

“I never asked for any of that,” he whispered, and his tone wasn’t at all condescending. “I never asked for anything.”

“You asked for me!” I blurted out angrily, pointing at him accusingly. “Shannon has been telling Presley how upset you are about me walking out, and she’s been over here every day since then, following me around my house and trying to make me feel guilty for something I’ve never felt guilty for!”

He wasn’t phased by my fury, which only made my pulse race even more. It would be so much easier if he could just walk away. “I don’t want you to feel guilty,” he said tenderly. “I just want to understand. I’m trying so hard, Eliza, but it’s difficult for me to understand why you would even assume I want something so different from what you want without even asking me first.”

“I don’t know what I want,” I snapped. “But I do know what I don’t want. And isn’t this a conversation we were saving for later?”

“Well we’re having it now,” he shrugged. “What difference does it make?”

I groaned loudly, stalking to the kitchen door and sticking my head out into the stairwell. “Presley!” I shouted. “Get your ass up here and retrieve Shannon’s other half! Go swimming, put on a movie, I don’t give a shit, just get him out of my damn kitchen!”

I could hear Presley’s flip-flops snapping quickly across the deck, and just as she appeared in the open doorway, Jared slipped past me out onto the landing.

“You could’ve just asked me to leave,” he chuckled. “I can walk myself out of the room, thank you very much.”

I grimaced at him, watching as he began down the stairs. Presley was beckoning him forward, and when Jared reached the bottom he glanced over his shoulder at me and smiled. And despite myself, I smiled back. He chuckled again, then sauntered out onto the deck to join Presley and Shannon.

“Presley!” I shouted again. She dutifully hopped back into the doorway, grinning up at me like a Cheshire cat.

“Yes, dear?” She questioned.

“Put on some music,” I answered. “The silence is starting to get on my nerves.”

She pranced into the livingroom and went over to the surround sound stereo, pressing several buttons. “Some Tavares, some Leo Sayer, some Marvin Gaye?” She asked playfully. “What’ll it be?”

“I don’t care,” I sighed. “As long as it isn’t angry or depressing.”

“Got it,” she nodded. “Hey by the way, Shannon told me that he and Jared are both vegetarians like you. Fucking freaks.”

“You’re just pissed because you don’t have the self-discipline for it,” I laughed.

“Maybe,” she laughed in return. “Or maybe…I just like me some good meat.”

We both began to giggle like little girls, and I went back into the kitchen just as she slipped a CD in. A few seconds later I heard Leo Sayer’s voice, and I couldn’t help but laugh again at Presley’s comment. I honestly did not want to hear about her idea of “good meat”…

****

I don’t know what I’d been thinking letting them stay. I was on edge the entire time, really only dedicating about half of my attention to our conversations throughout dinner and even afterwards. I was too preoccupied waiting for my phone call from Beth. I was worried she hated my new material – she’d never taken this long to give me her opinion – and by the time the dishes were cleared and we were lounging on the deck under the deep, navy blue sky, I had just about decided my career was over.

Jared’s perpetual glances in my direction weren’t helping the matter. I kept feeling this strange wash of irritation and enjoyment each time I realized his eyes were on me. Why me, I kept asking myself. Why, of all the women that he could have in this town, would he get so hung up on me? It just didn’t make any sense…

I wanted to ask, but I knew I wouldn’t. I was 32 years old and I’d known enough men, both romantically and as acquaintances, to say that confronting him would not help my case. It would only lead him to believe that I’d made up my mind and that I wanted to be involved with him. Did I find his intelligence incredibly sexy? Of course. Did I wonder what the six-pack I’d felt underneath my fingertips three nights ago looked like? Of course. Was I astonished by the confidence and courage he had to come to my house, despite my leaving Area without a goodbye? Yes. Perhaps this was the one that fascinated me the most, even more so than why he seemed intent on pursuing me.

Yes, I wanted to say to him. Persistence is key. But I could fight with myself all I wanted and I knew the words would never come out. I’d made the decision on how I was to spend my life years earlier, and to even fathom altering one carefully-crafted rule or guideline felt like a digression from everything I’d worked so hard for.

I was angry. I was angry that I was naïve enough to think I’d never meet someone that would make me feel like changing my mind. I was angry that it had honestly never even entered my mind as a slight possibility that a man for me even existed. I was angry that the complete antitheses to everything I believed about love, sex, and Hollywood, wanted me. This beautiful creature wanted me.

He didn’t have to say it. He didn’t have to agree or disagree with what I’d said earlier. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he wanted me. I could tell by the way he smiled at me, laughed at my jokes and listened intently to my stories, that I was only reaffirming whatever qualities drew me to him.

Eventually, Presley’s voice broke my train of thought. I looked up, startled to see all three of them watching me expectantly, and smiled guiltily at her.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

She sighed and laughed at me. “I asked you if you wanted to tell them the story of how we met. They’re curious.”

“Oh,” I nodded. Then I looked at Shannon quizzically. “She hasn’t told you that yet?”

“No,” he smiled. “I guess it just hasn’t come up.”

“Huh.” I turned to Presley again. “No, you can tell it. I like it better when you tell it.”

“Says the storyteller,” she laughed again. “Okay fine, but you have to make any necessary additions. I don’t want to leave anything out.”

“I can do that,” I reassured her.

“Okay,” she began. “So Holden wasn’t always Eli’s publicist. When she lived in New York she had a different one, and when she decided to move out here two years ago, she hired Holden instead. This way she had someone locally. Holden and I knew one another by face. He gets around town and…so do I and…somehow we always ended up being at the same events. I’d be running around with my staff trying to set up floral arrangements and whatnot and he’d be…skillfully working the crowd. Very smooth talker, by the way.”

I had to stifle a laugh at that one. Holden could coax anyone into believing almost anything. He almost had me a couple of times…

“See? She knows what I’m talking about,” Presley laughed, motioning to me. Both Shannon and Jared turned to me and I nodded affirmatively.

“It’s true,” I nodded. “He’s very suave.”

“Hmm, charming and clever,” Shannon commented. “I’m not sure I like where this is headed.”

“Keep an open mind, honey,” Presley grinned, patting his arm. “Okay, so I’m doing this event for this writer’s new novel. It’s a press event and it turns out she’s new in town. People haven’t started to show up yet, but both Holden and Eliza are already there. Problem is, Holden can’t find Eliza. He comes up to me and offers me fifty dollars to stop everything I’m doing, put someone else in charge, and find his writer.”

“She didn’t take the money, by the way,” I pointed out. “Hell I would’ve.”

Presley gestured to my house. “Yeah, because you need an extra fifty dollars like I need a triple bypass.”

“I’m just saying…” I chuckled softly. “I’m just saying that of all people to take money from, I would’ve taken Holden’s. But go ahead, please finish your story.”

She nodded and went on once again. “Obviously, I didn’t take Holden’s money, but I did say I would go look for her. It took me likely twenty minutes to find her ass. She’s sitting down in the corner of the ladies room, her head between her knees, breathing into a paper bag. We’re talking full-blown panic attack. I don’t even know who the fuck she got the paper bag from…Anyway, I talk to her for a little bit, calm her down, and finally get her to come out. But…now we can’t find Holden.”

This time I laughed out loud. This was the climax of the story and most certainly my favorite part. Even Presley had to work hard to keep her laughter at bay so that she could finish.

“Holden’s out in back of the venue, his tie loosened up and his hair sticking every which way, looking like he’s about to have a panic attack of his own. He’s also smoking a joint. Eli and I burst through the door and the second she sees him he starts freaking out, telling her it’s not what it looks like. Eli grabs my arm, marches us both over to him, and holds out her hand, saying it’s exactly what it looks like. They spend about ten seconds staring eachother down until she turns to me and says, ‘Presley, I’m either smoking that joint or sending you to go find my paper bag. Can you please explain this to him?’

“I just looked at Holden and told him he’d better give her the joint. He did and…before you knew it, we were all passing it around. Eli did her first press conference in Los Angeles stoned out of her fucking mind and no one could ever tell the difference…”

“And we accused Holden of trying to get it on with that girl from the caterer’s,” I added. “I’m still convinced that he wasn’t about to have any anxiety attack of his own. I think he just had post-makeout hair or whatever…”

“Me, too,” Presley winked. “But he’s still sticking to his story. Fucking liar…”

“We’ll crack him one day,” I promised her. “I’m sure of it.”

“So…some pot and all you guys are best friends,” Jared summarized as he turned to me. “But I have to say that you don’t strike me as the breathing-in-a-paper-bag kind of woman. I mean weren’t you used to it by then?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten completely used to it,” I answered. “It was exceptionally bad that day because it was a new crowd and I wanted to make a good impression since I’d just moved here but…”

“She’s a great public speaker,” Presley told Jared. “She just doesn’t think that because she can’t see it from the outside like we can.”

“Well it’s not like I can critique my press conferences afterwards,” I pointed out. “They aren’t televised.” I turned back to Jared. “For instance…you’re a musician. People record you playing and singing, whether it be live or in a studio, and you can go back and look at it and figure out where you went wrong or what you could’ve done better. Me…I’m trying to remember what the hell I even said.” Then I nodded towards Shannon. “Same thing with your brother, you know? It’s a wonderful advantage.”

And not more than a few seconds could’ve passed between the time I finished speaking and Jared turned to Shannon so that they could share a knowing smile. Neither of them spoke, but it was clear that Presley and I were missing something.

“What is it?” I asked, glancing back and forth between them. “What did I say?”

“It’s nothing,” Jared shrugged, his eyes wandering away and his smile fading. He shifted awkwardly in his seat, avoiding eye contact with everyone but Shannon.

“You called him a musician,” Shannon whispered with a soft smile, his gaze never leaving his brother’s. “A musician, not an actor.” Then he turned to me. “You’re the first person that’s ever done that.”

I frowned. “But…that’s what he is,” I said slowly, turning back to Jared. “I mean…I’ve seen some of your movies but…isn’t this what you do full-time?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, his blue eyes tender. “It is.”

“So…”

“Hallmark moment…” Presley suddenly sang quietly. “Shut the hell up, Eliza.”

Jared laughed instantly, and it seemed the trance was officially broken when he did. The rest of us joined in, but only right up until Presley’s cell phone began vibrating incessantly against the tabletop. She glanced at the caller i.d. and her eyes widened, and as she answered it, Shannon and Jared started saying something to one another. I turned my attention to the pitch black ocean water off to my left, reveling in the rare moment of clear, empty thought – the kind of moments that I loved.

It was short-lived, though, because within seconds Presley had snapped her phone shut again and cleared her throat.

“That was Holden,” she informed me. “He wants to know why your cell phone is not out here with you. He also wants to know if you can have another spare key made.” She grinned cheekily. “I left it on the coffee table and he’s at the front door.”

I gasped, rocketing up out of the chair and running into the house. I could hear Presley’s laughter, and then her singsong voice as she explained to Jared and Shannon what Holden’s appearance meant to me.

He had news. Good or bad, I didn’t care, but he had news.

Okay, I did care. I prayed it was good news…

I nearly crashed into the front door when I reached it, fumbled with the lock for a second that seemed to last forever, and yanked it open. I was greeted by Holden’s fabulous smile, happy blue eyes, and haphazard golden blonde hair.

“I called Beth,” he shrugged smugly, enjoying stringing me along for a few moments. “I was worried you were going to go insane if you didn’t hear from one of us soon. Do you know what she said when I called her?”

I was so paralyzed with anticipation that I couldn’t reply. No matter how many times I’d been through this the fear had never dissipated.

“She said I interrupted her,” he went on whimsically. “She was reading. She was reading your manuscript for the third time because she loved it so much.”

My jaw dropped in astonishment and I let out a little shriek of excitement as I launched myself into Holden’s arms. I felt like I could finally breathe for the first time in two days. He laughed as we embraced, patting my back proudly, then lifted me up just enough so that he could step over the threshold and into the house.

When he set me down and we finally broke away from eachother, he motioned over his shoulder with a nod of his head. “Whose car is that out there?” He asked as he pushed the front door shut. “Do you have a visitor?”

“Yes,” I grinned. “Shocking, I know. I actually have three of them.”

“Wow,” he chuckled. “You’re in rare form then. This is a milestone, Izzy. You won’t even pick up the phone when anyone other than Beth calls when you’re waiting to hear from her. Were you halfway through a bottle of vodka when you let your guests in?”

“Very funny,” I laughed, swatting his arm playfully. “It’s Presley and her new boyfriend and…his brother.” I scratched my head absently and mumbled the last part. I wasn’t sure how much he knew.

But recognition flashed through his eyes and he glimpsed in the direction of the deck suspiciously. Then he looked at me again. “So the Leto boys are here, huh?”

I nodded slightly.

“Dare I ask if Presley’s version of Friday night’s events are different from your own?” He asked. “I know you two tend to see things very differently when it comes to men.”

I grimaced, then sighed guiltily. “I hate myself for saying this,” I whispered. “But no, probably not.”

His blue eyes glinted with amusement. “So…you wouldn’t tell me that she shoved some guy’s brother off on you so that she could have her way with the other? You wouldn’t tell me that you hated her for sticking you with the least interesting man you’d ever met? You wouldn’t~”

“No,” I hissed. “I wouldn’t say any of that. Now stop it. You’re ruining my spiritual high.”

“Hey! Good news?!”

Holden and I both turned towards Presley’s beckoning voice. She was standing in the patio doorway with both Jared and Shannon peeking out from over the backs of their chairs. Each set of eyes were filled with curiosity.

“Of course,” Holden nodded.

Presley let out her own little shriek and ran towards us, barreling into me and hugging me tightly. “Yay,” she squealed, hopping up and down so forcefully that I had to pull myself away from her. “Sorry,” she giggled. “I’m just so proud.” With her arm linked through mine she looked at Holden expectantly. “Are you staying?”

“No,” he shook his head. “While I would love to meet your new boys I do indeed have a second date with my lady friend. If I weren’t so proud then I’d probably be pissed at Izzy for making it necessary for me to drive all the way out here to tell her the news.” He eyed me warily. “I had to detour because of you.”

“So sorry,” I drawled sarcastically. “I’ll make it up to you in your next paycheck.”

“Don’t tease me,” he grinned, wrapping an arm around my waist and planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “I’m sorry I can’t stay but we’ll do this another time. Please tell them I said so.” He peered over Presley’s shoulder and waved at Shannon and Jared, who quickly waved back, then looked at the two of us again. “I love you girls and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Holden reached out and kissed Presley’s cheek as well, then pulled open the front door and disappeared outside. I pushed it shut once he was gone and spun around to face Presley, my back pressed up against the door. I breathed a sigh of relief and covered my face with my hands.

“Thank God,” I whispered. Then I dropped my hands again and nodded at her. “Pres…get the tequila.”

A knowing smile burst out onto her lips and she nodded in return. “Oh I am so on it,” she told me, turning and heading for the livingroom. “Jose Cuervo, here I come!”