You're My Everything

They were having a party to celebrate coming home, of course, so Ellie and Brian got to spend less time together than they would have liked on the first night back. Their house was packed with guests and Ellie was currently on damage control, trying to prevent anything from getting broken by drunken house guests. It hadn’t been planned for all of these people to come over for a party, but like she always said, everything was unexpected when it came to the boys.

She knew Val was staying in her apartment for the night, enjoying being in a comfortable house again, and Ellie wished she could be doing the same. She was in the mood to watch television or read a book at the moment, but she was not in the mood to be a babysitter. It actually reminded her of her teenage years, doing damage control for Matt so their parents wouldn’t find out what he was doing while they were gone.

Much to Ellie’s surprise and delight, Brian had decided to help her instead of having fun with everyone else. She grabbed a glass bowl out of someone’s hand and placed it high up on a shelf where no one could reach it.

“You really don’t have to help me,” she said to Brian. “You just came home from working hard, so you should take a break and have fun. But don’t let that take away from the fact that I am glad you’re helping me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied with a smile. “I’ve been partying for six months straight, so I’m actually giving my liver a rest tonight. Plus, if I’m passed out somewhere on the floor, I can’t exactly spend time with you.”

“That’s nice, but I also think you’re trying to suck up to me a little bit,” Ellie said with a knowing smile. She knew what he wanted. “Come and help me get Matt upstairs. He really over did it tonight.”

The moment everything had started, Matt took full advantage of the alcohol surrounding him. Ellie knew it was because it was one of the last opportunities he was going to have to go crazy and have fun. Having a baby kind of cut down on the whole partying scene since he was going to have to be on diaper duty for the next two years, so Ellie figured he was going to squeeze as much of it in as possible in the next few weeks.

“The last time I saw him he was in was in the kitchen, hanging onto the counter and a bottle of tequila for dear life,” Brian said with a laugh. “I hope he didn’t pass out yet because I’m not going to carry his ass up the stairs.”

Ellie quickly scanned through the crowd of people, noticing that the pass out rate was increasing as it got later. At this rate, no one would be awake in an hour. It was starting to get late, though, just to give them a little bit of credit. It didn’t take her long to find Matt slumped over on the couch, looking like he was going to throw up all over his shorts. If you hadn’t noticed, Matt was pretty easy to pick out in a group of people.

“He’s over there on the couch,” Ellie said, pointing to him. “And he looks like he’s still conscious, so that’s a good thing.”

She started to cut her way through the crowd to reach him, and Brian followed close behind her. Matt saw them approach and his eyes instantly lit up.

“Ellie!” he yelled much louder than necessary. “You’re my favorite sister, did you know that?”

“Yes I did, since I’m your only sister,” Ellie replied with a laugh. “We’re going to help you up to your room though so you don’t pass out on the floor and so you’re closer to a bathroom”

Brian came into view and Matt squinted his eyes at him a little bit as they both wrapped an arm around his shoulders to help him walk. He stumbled a bit and Ellie realized just how much he weighed, which was a lot.

“Ellie, you know I’ll kick his ass for you if you ever need me to,” Matt said in a not so quiet whisper. Brian just rolled his eyes as they started to force him up the stairs. “You know, if he ever does something you don’t like, I’ll just slap him around a little bit and make him come to his senses. I’m not too happy about this whole you and him thing in general, so I’m just offering my big brother services to my little sister.”

“Thanks, Matt,” Ellie said as she smiled at Brian over her brother’s shoulders. “But I think I can handle Brian on my own. Besides, I have complete faith in the fact that he’s not going to do anything that would require you to kick his ass.”

They made their way into Matt’s room, and Brian dumped him onto the bed with just a little bit of bad intentions behind it.

“Hey, watch it asshole,” Matt said slurring his words. Ellie knew he was already on the verge of falling asleep, so his words didn’t have that much of an effect. Brian just smiled at him humorously. “I’ll be watching you, just remember that.”

“I’m going to take this bottle from you now,” Ellie said, wrenching the now empty tequila bottle from him grip. Matt’s eyes were already closed so he didn’t struggle that much. “You’re going to have a hell of a hangover in the morning.”

Matt nodded in response, so close to sleep already that he wasn’t even listening to what she was saying. Ellie just shook her head and left her brother alone. She closed the door behind them so no one would disturb him while he was sleeping.

Brian and Ellie stood in the hallway together and he turned his gaze to Ellie’s room, not even bothering to be nonchalant.

“I think everyone is pretty much done drinking for the night since they went so hard so early,” Brian said, pulling Ellie in close to him. “I don’t think they require our baby sitting services any longer.”

“You just want to corrupt me with your bad intentions, don’t you?” Ellie asked. She could feel his breath on her lips, and she knew he had been waiting for this since he left. She knew he had been a good boy on tour, even though he didn’t have to be, which meant he was probably dying at this point.

“You know I always have bad intentions when it comes to you,” Brian said with a mischievous smile before he kissed her. It was the kind of kiss that two people had when they had been missing each other for so long. You were becoming reacquainted with that person and getting used to how they felt again, yet at the same you had been away from them for so long that every touch wasn’t enough. It was filled with passion, and Ellie thought she could never be too close to Brian.

He backed her up into her room and kicked the door shut behind him, not wasting any time in getting down to business. Ellie was just about to get into the process of removing Brian’s clothing when she heard something behind her that sounded oddly similar to someone clearing their throat.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Zacky called out frantically coming up behind them. He was clearly drunk, but that didn’t explain why he was sitting in Ellie’s room with the lights off. “Before you two start doing something I really don’t want to see, I want to make my presence known.”

“Get the fuck out of here, dude!” Brian hissed with a large amount of frustration. “If you don’t leave, I just might throw you out of here myself.”

“I figured you might have said that,” Zacky replied as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I was hoping you two had already done stuff earlier so you would get less mad at me for what I’m about to ask you.”

“You have no idea how close I am to punching you right now,” Brian said dangerously.

“Calm down, Brian,” Ellie said with a laugh. She wasn’t afraid to admit she was just a little bit frustrated that Zacky was there, too, but she wasn’t ready to punch him. “Let’s just listen to what he wants to ask.”

“Thank you,” Zacky said, giving her a smile of gratitude for saving him. “Listen, seriously, don’t hate me for this, but I have nowhere else to sleep. Two people I don’t know are fucking on my bed, which is really nasty by the way, and Jimmy and Johnny are asleep in your bed. I need somewhere to sleep, so I was kind of hoping I could sleep on your window seat just for tonight. I’m sorry to be a cock block, but I need somewhere to sleep.”

“Sleep on the fucking floor, douchebag,” Brian said as he pushed his way past Zacky. “I don’t care where you sleep, but you’re not sleeping in here.”

“I’ve been sleeping in a tour bus for six months,” Zacky complained. “I’m not sleeping on the floor after that. I was looking forward to coming home and sleeping in my bed, but now that isn’t going to happen, so this is the next best thing.”

“Zacky, of course you can sleep here,” Ellie said, ignoring Brian when he sighed in disapproval and frustration. She heard him sit down on the bed behind her, and when she turned around to look, he was laying down with his hands over his face. She just shook her head. They all could be such drama queens sometimes. “Let me just go get you a blanket and some pillows.”

When she left the room, Brian looked over at Zacky and said, “You are so dead.”

Zacky just shrugged his shoulders in reply and settled into the window seat with a happy smile of victory on his face. Ellie was back with a pillow and blankets in less than a minute. She handed them to him and then sat next to Brian on the bed, giving him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Please promise me you two won’t do anything while I’m asleep,” Zacky pleaded as he situated himself with the blanket and pillows. “I don’t want you to ruin my innocence.”

Brian just rolled his eyes in response. “You don’t have to worry about that, Zack, even thought the amount of innocence you currently posses is questionable. Unfortunately for him and thanks to you, he won’t be getting any tonight,” Ellie said with a laugh.

So, an hour and a half later, Brian and Ellie were lying side by side on their backs listening to Zacky’s snoring and doing nothing fun, which meant they had all of their clothes on. Brian was clearly still frustrated about being interrupted by Zacky, but Ellie was still lying awake for another reason. She had stared at the ceiling and counted to five hundred a couple of times, but nothing seemed to take her mind off one thought.

“Brian, are you still awake?” Ellie whispered. Brian grunted in reply. She knew he was still a little upset with her for giving into Zacky’s demands. “Ever since you got home, there’s just been this one thought in the back of my mind, and I can’t seem to make it go away.”

“You don’t have to whisper, you know. I don’t care if we wake his stupid ass up,” Brian said in a voice much louder than hers. Ellie laughed a little bit since they both knew Zacky could sleep through anything. “But what’s been on your mind?”

Ellie sighed and waited a good five minutes before even answering him. She was debating whether or not it was a good idea to bring up something from their past that they had never really discussed after she had returned. She knew it was a touchy subject for both of them to discuss, but the time had to come sooner or later. As she thought about whether or not to go down this road, Brian waited patiently for her, almost as if he knew what she was about to say. He didn’t rush her to say anything though. He always gave her as much time as she needed.

“Do you ever think about the baby?” Ellie asked, barely audible above Zacky’s peaceful snores. Ellie closed her eyes when she waited for his response.

“Yeah, I do,” he replied. “I always wonder whether he’s going to look more like Val or Matt. Hey, he might even look like you a little bit.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Ellie said, even quieter. She was beginning to think this was a very bad idea. If he didn’t pick up on what she was actually asking about, then he probably didn’t think about it at all.

“Oh,” Brian replied, his voice much quieter and shakier than before. They had only touched briefly on this topic once before, when they were shouting at each other in the pouring rain. They had been too young and immature to deal with all of the emotional repercussions that came with how Ellie had handled everything, and now that they were older and about to enter into an actual serious relationship with each other, it was almost time to face everything.

He didn’t answer her back for awhile, just as she had taken a long time to ask her question. Ellie was afraid he wasn’t going to answer her at all and that she had ruined everything they had just worked so hard to fix. She was beginning to feel upset, but she forced the tears to go away by keeping her eyes closed. Ellie was just about to give up and roll over on her side when he finally answered back.

“I think about it all the time,” he answered quietly. Relief washed over Ellie in waves. She knew he was telling her the truth. She had forgiven him for everything he had done to her when they were younger, but there was still some mixed feelings she had about how he had handled her pregnancy. He had basically abandoned her, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t have a little bit of fear that he was going to abandon her again sometime in the future. This made her believe just a little bit more that he had said what he did to protect her.

“You do?” she asked as she opened her eyes and turned on her side to face him. He looked at her and she could see a bit of sadness in his eyes.

“Yeah, I always wonder if it would have been a boy or a girl,” he said. “And if it was a girl, I wondered if she would have your smile, and if it was a boy, I knew I was going to teach him how to be the greatest guitar player ever.”

“Yeah?” Ellie said quietly. His answer made her insides feel like melted chocolate, but it still made her feel like crying. The whole thing was bittersweet for her to talk about. “When I think about it, all I feel is guilt over what I did.”

Ellie felt Brian’s warm hand enclose over her own, letting her know that everything was going to be okay.

“You shouldn’t feel bad about what you did,” Brian said soothingly. “You did what you had to do. There was no way a baby could fit into your life at that time.”

“I know, but I never even gave that baby a chance,” Ellie said, sniffling as a few tears began to run down her cheeks. “When I saw Val step off of that bus, it just made me think of everything again and I’ve been feeling terrible all day. So many people can’t even have babies, and I just got rid of something that thousands of people pray for everyday.”

“Ellie, you can’t beat yourself up over it,” Brian said, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “You made the choice that was right for you at the time. It was almost seven years ago, and there’s way to go back and change what you already decided to do.”

“I know, but all these years I’ve ignored what I felt,” she said. “I’ve pretended that I was okay with the decision because I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with all of the guilt on my own.”

“That’s what you have me for now,” Brian said softly as he drew Ellie into his arms. He squeezed her tightly, letting her know he would always be there for her, no matter what. He let her know he was going to make everything alright. “That’s what we have each other for now. We have to stick together to get through the things we can’t deal with on our own.”

He could feel some of her tears soak through his shirt. “I love you so much,” Ellie said into his chest, her voice muted.

Brian just held her and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. He listened to her gentle breathing as he lay awake all night. Ellie had forgiven him for everything, but it was clear that she was still a very broken girl. He had fixed just one piece of her last year, but the other half of her was still very shattered over her decision to have an abortion.

She had been living with guilt and beating herself up over this for so long that it was starting to take its toll on her, and Brian swore he was going to help her get through this. He owed it to her, and he wouldn’t just stand by watching her live her life in emotional pain.

Brian loved Ellie more than anything else, and she was the last person on earth who should have to live life feeling that way everyday.