Dove and Grenade

It was almost noon when I opened my eyes the next day. Matt was still curled up, holding me, and I smiled. Sleeping had been much easier last night than the night before.

I yawned, causing Matt to shift. He constricted his arms tighter around my hips, and I giggled softly. He sighed.

"Don't move," he said. "I kinda like it here."

"Matty, I have to get up sometime," I replied.

"Not right now," said Matt. "The only movement I want is for you to turn around so I can see you."

I rolled my eyes, but I did it. He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. I twirled one of his curls around my finger. That was something I was going to miss when I was away- playing with his hair. It seemed like a daily occurrence, and he didn't seem to mind.

"I didn't sleep the night before last," Matt said.

"I didn't either," I said.

"It's just hard without you," he continued. "I guess I got used to having you here, and I don't think I can sleep while you're away."

"I've been thinking," I said, "about a way this could work out. I would work weeks like they want me to, but since it's not that far of a drive, I could come back on weekends and days I didn't have to work. That way it's not long without you and I can still work like I want."

"I suppose that could work," said Matt. "I'd like you to be here more often, but if it makes you happy, I can't stop you."

I smiled and rested my head against his chest. It was silent a few minutes before I spoke again.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I want you to be happy, too, and I know this probably isn't your idea of a life together."

"As long as you're happy, I'll be happy," Matt said.

"I know you're trying to put up this front for me, but if you aren't happy, just tell me," I said.

He sighed and said, "Do you know where you're staying up there?"

"Not yet," I replied. "I was thinking about an apartment, but I don't know yet."

"If you need help with anything, you just let me know," Matt said.

"You've done so much for me already, Matt," I said. I looked up at him and said, "I love you."

The corner of his mouth turned up, and he said, "I love you too, Kara."

I leaned up and kissed his lips. Being with him here made me almost sorry I was giving this up for a job. The job had always been my dream, though, and I could make both work if I tried hard enough. I felt Matt's grip tighten, and he rolled over on top of me. His lips brushed my cheek.

"I take it you're not mad at me anymore?" I giggled as his fingers began pulling my shorts down.

"Fuck being mad," Matt said. "If you're going away, I'm gonna need as much of you as possible while I can get it."

He put his lips to my neck, easily finding that sweet spot like he did every time he wanted me weak. He didn't even have to work for it; it was like he knew all along where it was. It probably had to do with his excursion when we were younger.

The first time we had sex, when I was seventeen, I had started out in control. I thought I could handle him. He was, after all, the most submissive of Aron's friends. It wasn't until I finally let him get on top of me that I realized just how much I'd let him win.

When his lips left mine briefly, his hand had touched my neck as gently as possible. It was like in one movement he had found the exact place that would make me the weakest, and he had never forgotten where it was.

I tried to focus on him now, but the way he easily maneuvered our clothes off, the way his hands caressed first my hips, then slowly my breasts, the way he paused just as I was taking in too much, the way he teased me, it was like we were back in that bed six years ago. It was like we were having sex for the first time again. And then, in the middle of it all, I realized truly how stupid I'd been for the last six years.

I should have known from the minute he was inside me for the first time that he was the one.