Dove and Grenade

I was packing the next day, my music playing as loud as possible. Tonight was my last night in Los Angeles. I picked up a pair of jeans, and something fell out and hit the floor.

I looked down. It was a small picture frame. I leaned down and picked it up, but I should have left it. It was Matt and I at our housewarming party, holding our cups of alcohol and smiling like the world was ours. I half smiled and my eyes started swelling with tears.

There was a loud knock on my door, and I snapped away from the photo.

"Come in!" I shouted.

Jordan peeked his head in the room, and I smiled. He crossed his arms.

"Couldn't hear me knock the first time," he said. "Your music's so goddamn loud."

"Hey, Jordy," I said.

"Now what's a pretty girl like you doing with tears in her eyes?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm just..."

I paused, but he nodded. He sat down next to me and took the picture from my hands.

"Let's not think about this," he said, shoving it into my suitcase. "I heard you were leaving tomorrow. Why so early?"

"I want to at least have a day to myself before jumping into work," I explained.

"I'm gonna miss you, Kara," said Jordan.

"I'm gonna miss you," I said. "I'll be back on a weekend soon. I'll call you when I'm coming back down, alright?"

"Promise?" Jordan said.

"Of course," I replied.

He put his arms around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"It'll be alright," Jordan whispered. "Mer's outside the door. I won't keep you."

"I'll talk to you soon, alright?" I said as he stood up.

He nodded and left. Meredith came in, Dylan following close behind her, leaning against the door frame. I stood up and put my arms around her. I started shaking, and she pulled me closer.

"God, Mer," I said. "Even if I'm just two hours away, this is gonna drive me insane."

"Don't go, Kara," Meredith said. "You don't have to go."

"I know," I said. "I need this, though. I can't give up on my dream."

"You'll call this time, won't you?" asked Mer.

"I will," I said. "I'll call every day if that's what it takes."

She squeezed me one last time before letting go and stepping back. Dylan gave me a one-armed hug, and he kissed the top of my head.

"See you around, ese," he said.

I smiled and returned his hug. They left before Meredith or I could start crying. I picked up a shirt, but there was another knock at the door. I looked up and saw Jorel standing there.

I nodded silently to him, and I said, "I suppose you're here to slap me on the wrist?"

"Kara, I don't get why you're leaving," Jorel said. "What don't you have here?"

"A job, Jor," I replied curtly.

"A job," he repeated. "So I guess people that care about you and people that love you and a place to sleep don't matter."

"I didn't say that," I said.

"It was implied," said Jorel. "Which brings me to another question. What the fuck are you staying with Alex for?"

"I...I don't know-"

"Don't lie, Kara."

"I'm not lying. I don't know, okay?"

"That is the most bullshit thing I've heard come out of your mouth in the last two weeks. You're staying with Alex, and you both get a free ride. Don't fucking lie; we both know it."

I shook my head and said, "Even if that's the case, it's no one's business."

"No one's business?" laughed Jorel. "Are you fucking high? Matt is your fucking fiancee, and you expect him to be okay with you going to live with your ex-boyfriend two hours away? What the hell has gotten into you?"

"Decker, it's not like that-"

"Kara, I'm sick of this shit. We all are. Problem is, no one else says anything. They don't want you to feel like shit, but I think you deserve it. You deserve to feel like shit after the way you've been treating Matt. He has been nothing but good to you. He has given you everything, and you've thrown it away."

I took a shaky breath.

"You are such an ungrateful bitch when it comes to the people around you. It's never enough, is it?"

I didn't say anything.

"Is it?" he snapped.

Say something. Anything. Instead, I was silent. I clutched the shirt in my hand and shook. He nodded.

"That's what I thought," he said. "I'll see you around, Kara. Have a good life."

He started walking away, and I threw my shirt after him as hard as I could. He stopped.

"Fuck you!" I screamed. "Don't you dare tell me how to live my life."

"I'm not telling you how to live it," said Jorel. "I'm telling you what's wrong with it."

He walked away as I slumped down on the bed and started crying.