I Hope It Was Worth It.

Dear Alex,
Don't say you're sorry...okay? Because that is the worse thing you could do right now... You left me...You just left. You didn't even look back once...and all I can say to you is why? How could you do that? You....you said you loved me. You said you wanted us to last forever.... so how could you do that to me so easily? Stop calling me. Stop texting me. Stop writing me these stupid letters. I'm not gonna respond to them. You broke my heart, shattered it completely...and that kills me.

You say you're sorry now, and I wonder every day, does he mean it? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Does he cry at night every once in a while just thinking about how everything used to be? Do you even remember all the things we've been through together? All the hard bullshit we went through? But you don't care obviously...you left... you left me here in this shithole of a town while you went off and became something...something amazing.... something everyone wanted to be...but in doing so, you lost yourself. You lost me. You lost us.... and I have to ask you right here and now, was it worth it? Was all the screaming fan girls worth losing the one girl you said you'd never leave? Was getting on MTV and shit worth not coming home for thanksgiving? Or your mom's birthday? Is selling out tours and merchandise worth not remembering where you came from? And who was there to support you through it all?

I hope it was worth it Alex....I hope you cherish it forever, you know, like you used to cherish me... Alex...being famous won't last forever.... and when you come back you won't have anyone to fall back on... I am gone. I'm not coming back. I won't change my mind...I have to be strong and not give into you. It would be a lot easier if you stopped trying right now, it would be easiest for the both of us. I'm not going to tell you I don't love you anymore...because that would just be me lying to not only you, but to myself also...I know deep down that I will always love you Alex, no matter how much I really don't want to admit it. I will love you...but loving you won't be real love...because you, just aren't you anymore.

You changed, morphed into something scary... Something I never thought you would be. An arrogant asshole... that is what you are now... We were in love Alex. You loved me. I love you. So all I can ask is what the hell happened? And you keep on trying to say you're sorry now, but why? Because you regret leaving? Or you just want me back? I don't know...but your apologies are about 6 months too late... you blew it. Remember that time during Junior year, we went to the mall together, and you got asked for your autograph for the first time? Do you remember how genuinely happy it made you? I do...I remember how honored you were, and I remember that smile on your face...you were so innocent back then, so genuinely happy to have a fan....not anymore though, now you take them for granted like you do everything else... I remember when we got back in the car, you looked at me and said, "That's why this band needs to be something, people like that... We need to make it, so we can have these amazing people say, 'You guys inspire me, your music helps me' Stuff like that, I want to make these people happy!" You were so serious about doing so... you were so cute.

What happened to you? What happened. When did it change from loving what you do, to not giving a shit and doing it for the money? Who are you? Where is the loving boy I used to know? Where is he? I want my boyfriend back... I wanted him back. Now I have to move on... find someone who cares about me, and who cares when he hurts me, and someone who won't leave me and then expect me to be fine again when he comes back home for a few days here and there. I am no one's sometimes girlfriend Alex, no fucking way. I left all of your stuff at your house, all the useless crap you've given me over the years that I used to adore, I left it all there. I don't want any more sad reminders of what used to be. I just want to forget. I want to forget the 6 years I gave to you. I want to forget freshman year, all the way to my 20th birthday... I want to forget you more than anything. I want to forget the hurt. The pain. The disappointment. And if that means forgetting the love, the memories, the laughs, the best times of my life...then so be it. This pain you left me with, I can't deal with it. It is in my heart constantly. It's stabbing me. Choking me. Tearing me down. I'm suffocating, I need to let it...you... go.

I'd like to think when you read this, it makes you regret all you've done to hurt me. I'd like to think it makes you cry just a little. I'd like to think you'd care... But I know the new you. I know the truth is, you will look at this and shrug, crumple it up in your hand, and toss it aside. You will stop trying to get a hold of me. You will give up without another thought of it. You'll go home in a few months and see the box of crap on your floor, and sigh, because you have to move it to the trash, and we both know how lazy you are. You will eventually get around to throwing it out, and the only thought you give it is that it is way too heavy, and you shouldn't have given me so much shit if in the end I would give it all back. And that's it. You aren't the same. You don't give a shit about anyone but yourself anymore.

I hope it was worth it. I hope you being famous is all you wanted and more. I hope you remember me every now and then, and it makes you wonder why you let such a good thing slip through your fingers. Miss me...but let me go.