The Smile You Fake, The Steps You Take

POINT OF VIEW: Amanda Rothman.

Jack's last words really drove his point home; he was really done with me, completely finished. He no longer cared what I had to say and he wanted nothing to do with me. I'd completely thrown myself out on a limb for him, telling him that I loved him, yet he still turned me down. We'd never said that to each other before, and it had still meant nothing to him. We were really done. Having nothing better to do with my night, I slumped down against the wall and simply cried. I sat by myself for nearly fifteen minutes, sobbing while curled up in the fetal position. That was when Alex passed by the hall and did a double-take.

"Amanda?"

I looked up at him and pressed my lips together to prevent myself from crying more. "Yeah?" I asked offhandedly, my voice shaking.

"What's wrong?" he asked, climbing the steps and sitting down next to me.

"You wouldn't want to know," I cried, wiping my eyes. "You apparently don't care about me anymore, either. At least, you shouldn't, if you know what's good for you."

"Maybe I don't care what's good for me," he replied quietly before asking, "Wait, who doesn't care about you anymore?"

"Jack, who else?" I sobbed, burying my face in my hands. "I tried to talk to him and he totally blew me off. I don't have anybody left!"

Alex pulled me into his arms and let me cry into his shoulder with complete abandon. "I'm still here for you, okay? Don't worry about Jack. If he doesn't care about you, he's not worth shit. And trust me, there's nothing in this world you could do to stop ne from caring about you."

I said nothing for a long time. "Alex?" I finally piped up.

"Yeah?"

I lifted my head from his shoulder and opened my mouth, hesitating.

He dried my eyes for me. "Come on," he urged gently.

I tried to speak but simply couldn't find the words. That was why I chose to kiss him instead. I wasn't sure exactly what had come over me, but it wasn't like I had much left to lose. Jack had made my decision easy for me: he'd left and Alex was the only remaining contendor. He kissed back for a short moment before pushing me away.

"Amanda, we shouldn't," he reasoned, lower than a whisper.

"I don't care," I whispered back. Maybe this was how things were meant to go. Jack obviously no longer cared about me, so I would still have somebody now.

He kissed me first this time, harder and more eagerly than before. We stumbled to our feet without letting our lips part. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as close to my body as I possibly could while he lifted me off my feet and carefully made his way up the stairs and down the hallway. "Have you been drinking?" he whispered. That was when I realized for the first time how slurred his words had become.

"Maybe," I sighed. "Why does it matter?"

Alex kicked open a door and quietly inched inside. "It doesn't."

I smiled and kissed his forehead. "I love you. So much."

He put me down and closed the door with his right hand, locking it as well. "I doubt that you love me more than I love you. Trust me on this one."

"I trust you."

Alex laughed softly and kissed me again, pushing me slightly backwards with every passing moment. I tripped on my own feet and fell onto a bed...his bed. We were in his room. He snickered at my clumsiness and climbed on top of me, being careful not to completely smash me under his weight. We just kissed for a while and nothing else, but after several minutes I felt his fingers roaming for my bra strap. I flinched away involuntarily and sat up, knocking him onto the floor.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry!" I hissed, inching away from the edge of the bed and leaning against the headboard.

"No, it's my fault. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he sighed, sitting down next to me and rubbing his eyes wearily.

I kissed him once more. "No, it's fine." I took his hand and placed it on my back. "I don't care."

He hesitated briefly. "Are you sure?"

I left a trail of kisses from his collarbone all the way up to his lips. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

A thin beam of light was coming in through the open shade and hitting me right in the eyes. I frowned and pushed my hair out of my face, beginning to sit up in bed. Where was i, anyway? I could hardly recall the previous night, except for the fact that Jack had completely shut me down. I groaned at the memory and tried to push it out of my mind. I winced as the light hit me again and I turned away, only to notice that somebody was fast asleep next to me. The first thing I noticed was the hair: solid-colored and dark brown. Most definitely not Jack's. Oh my God. I shot out of the bed and frantically searched the floor for my clothes, pulling them on at lightning speed. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I did not sleep with Alex last night. OH MY GOD. I ripped open the door and stumbled into the hallway, running into the bathroom and slamming the door.

I looked in the mirror and surveyed myself: rumpled clothes, tangled hair, smudged makeup. I looked like a complete wreck. I ran a brush through my hair and splashed my face with a handful of cold water before drying it on a towel and stepping into the hallway. I had to get out of here, now. If any of the boys caught me, they'd know. Well, not necessarily, but they could probably guess. Especially if it was Jack. God, Jack. If he saw me right now, he'd never speak to me again.

POINT OF VIEW: Alex Gaskarth.

I rolled over and went to wrap my arm around Amanda when I realized that she wasn't there. I sat up and looked around the room, confused. Where the hell had she gone? I pulled on my pants and glanced all over. Her clothes were gone, and so was she. I stepped into the hall and looked down the stairs just in time to see a flash of platinum hair and a slamming front door. So that was that. Great. I'd hoped that we could have made something out of last night, but apparently not. Or maybe she was just scared, I didn't know. Either way, a one-night stand with my best friend was not what I had pictured. I slumped downstairs into the living room where Jack, Rian, and Zack were laying all over the place watching music videos on MTV.

"Morning," I yawned. "Where's Amanda?"

"She just ran out the door," Jack shrugged indifferently, then sighed and sat up. "Listen, is it stupid that I might go and try to talk to her at her house today?"

I winced visibly but shrugged. "I don't know. If I was you, I'd just give it a week or two. Maybe three." The fact that we were having a civil conversation was astounding to me, and I was still contemplating how we'd gone a solid sixty seconds in the same room without Jack punching me in the face when he spoke again.

"That sounds good. Give her some time to chill out, right? I mean, what I said to her last night was pretty awful."

"What did you say?" Zack asked curiously.

"She told me she loved me, and I told her it was too damn bad," he frowned.

"Dude!" Rian shouted. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

She'd told him that she loved him. I had been the second choice. That was most definitely not what I'd wanted. I had taken things too far, and now that Jack wanted her back I was going to be standing in the way. That was just perfect. I'd have to talk to her now; as much as I wanted to be with her, I couldn't do that to Jack. It wouldn't be fair to him, nor Amanda, and especially not me. If I had to live knowing that I wasn't what she'd actually wanted in the first place, I'd probably go insane.

Jack sighed. "I know, it was stupid. I should have just told her the truth and said that I love her too, more than she could ever understand. But I was mad and didn't want to believe her after, well, you know." He paused. "And about that, Alex, look. I blew it out of porportion and I'm really sorry. It's just...I don't know. I care about her so much and just the thought of ever losing her - never mind, you wouldn't understand. But it's not really your fault that she probably came onto you. She had a lot to drink before the party...we kind of snuck out of the venue right before the show and went to a bar for a little while, and you know that she has a serious problem with holding her alcohol." He smiled to himself before concluding, "So we're cool again, right?"
I nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, we're great." My heart was pretty much ripping apart with every word Jack said. He was going to try to win her back, and she was going to go to him. This was totally my weekend. Not.