The Smile You Fake, The Steps You Take

POINT OF VIEW: Alex Gaskarth.

"Wake up, kids!" I shouted, kicking open Jack and Amanda's door and launching myself into the room. I was about to leap onto the bed and rudely awaken the two when I noticed how they were sleeping. First of all, they were both in only their underwear. Jack always slept like that, so he wasn't much of a concern, but Amanda? It's not like I could have ever asked her what she sleeps in, though. That just isn't the type of thing you ask of your best girl friend. Second, Amanda was pretty much wrapped around Jack, their bodies touching and their chests rising and falling in unison.

I lingered in the doorway, not knowing if I should wake them up or just leave them. Had they hooked up in the past few hours? No, Amanda wasn't like that. She and Jack weren't like that. I would have noticed before now if they were. Besides, she wouldn't have sex with someone unless she really really loved him. Ss for Jack? He was strong and he knew what he wanted but he'd never force something like that on a girl, especially not Amanda. Then again, what if they'd liked each other for a long time, had been flirting behind all of our backs? Amanda tended to hang around Jack a lot, but he was her best friend. One time last year a guy had gotten Amanda drunk and tried to sleep with her at a party we'd brought her to. Jack freaked out and got into a full-on fist-fight with the guy, then the rest of us had to jump in. This had resulted in all of us limping back to the car, Zack practically carrying a sobbing Amanda. Jack had remained furious for days after the matter, but once again, he was her best friend and it was his job to take care of her. It was all of our jobs.

But say they did hook up. Jack was overage and Amanda was under. Only two years separated them (Amanda being seventeen and Jack being nineteen), but Jack could be charged for some sort of sexual assault if anybody found out, even if the action had been mutual. What the hell was that called again? There was some sort of legal term for it that I couldn't recall, but it was the same shit that Brittney Spears's little sister's boyfriend got charged for. The last thing our band needed was for our lead guitarist to be charged with some sort of sex scandal bullshit.

All this thinking was starting to hurt my head. In her sleep Amanda rolled away from Jack; this made me feel better and I finally jumped on the bed.

"Wake up, sleeping beauties, time to play a venue!" I cried, bouncing up and down on Jack's chest. They both woke abruptly, Amanda sleepily laughing at my insanity and Jack frowning on account of it. "Come on, we're here! the concert starts in three hours, meaning that we need to be in the stadium in at least two. You know how long it takes us to get ready, what with Zack and his goddamn obsession with his shoes and Amanda and her stupid hair and makeup schtick."

Jack nodded and rubbed his eyes wearily. "You can go first, 'manda," he offered, yawning.

She smiled and said, "Thanks, Jack," before retreating into the bathroom to brush her teeth and do whatever it is that girls do in order to get ready. As soon as she disappeared I climbed off Jack and stared.

"What?" he yawned again.

More staring.

"What?!"

"You didn't..." I hesitated, not wanting to put my opinions out in the open in case they sounded extremely stupid. "Never mind, I'll tell you after the show."

Jack nodded and got out of bed. Aha! Just as I'd suspected: no pants.

Two hours later we were freaking out about last-minute stuff: Zack was lacing up his kicks, Rian was ripping the bus apart in search of his drum sticks, and Amanda was in an extreme shouting match with Jack, who'd minutes previously sat on and broken her backup camera. "Come on, kids! Time to go!" Rian shouted as he kicked open the bus door and was greeted by hysterical screams. He snickered and leapt down the steps, Zack following closely behind.

"I said I'm sorry!" Jack cried, heading for the door.

"Sorry doesn't get me a new camera, does it, Jack?" Amanda shouted back, shoving him down the stairs and following. I was dying to know what was going on between them but it would have to wait until after the set was played and we were back on the bus.

We spent the next forty-five minutes running through the set list, minus all the pyrotechnical crap. Amanda spent this time lazing about in the green room backstage, probably still fuming about Jack's latest failure. When we hit the 15-minute countdown, security escorted the us backstage, where we were to wait until the stadium had been filled up.

"Did you decide if you're gonna forgive me?" Jack asked Amanda, frowning.

"Nope, not yet," she replied and flicked his white guitar. "I gotta head for the little pit thingy. See you at the end of the concert."

Jack leaned in to hug her but she ducked away, heading instead for Rian. Amanda gave each of us a hug, albeit Jack, and jogged away.

"Shit, she is so pissed," Jack groaned and hit his head against a wall.

"Don't worry, she'll come around. Kara always does," Rian reassured him, heading for the stage while twirling his drum sticks around his fingers.

"Yeah, don't freak out," Zack offered. "Chill." He followed Rian, fine-tuning his bass guitar as he went.

I grabbed Jack's arm and pulled him after me. "You guys will be fine, just calm down, okay? Play a good show and you can talk to her afterwards. She's stuck on the bus with us whether she likes it or not."

He nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Let's kick some ass and worry about her later."

"That's the spirit!" I cried and shoved him onto the dark stage. He tripped. "Nice fail, dude." I grinned, even though it was too dark for him to see, and took my place in front of the center microphone. Jack struck his strings for a short moment, sending a burst of echoing sound throughout the stadium. The cheers rose almost a decibal higher and flashing multicolored lights lit up in every square inch of the dark crowd. Jack struck another short, random chord, sending the crowd into another frenzy. Rian pounded out a short beat before everything fell completely silent. I took this as my cue to launch into the beginning vocals of "Dear Maria, Count Me In." Jack joined with his short guitar solo, and then Zack, Rian and I followed. As I uttered the first lyrics, "when the lights go up," four huge spotlights hit each of us and the stadium went wild. Girls were waving signs in the air and singing along, one of my favorite things in the world.

I glanced down at the empy space right before the stage, reserved for photographers and vanue security, to see Amanda focusing her lens on me. I grinned at her and flashed a thumbs-up while I sang, holding it until her flash went off and she grinned at the digital review of the shot. Over all the noise, I faintly heard her calling up to me, "Nice one! It's sexy, Alex!" I laughed and finished out the song. Once it was done, I gripped the microphone with my left hand and shouted into it, "What the fuck is up, Detroit?"

This was greeted by screams and cheers. "I love you, Alex!" somebody shouted.

"I love you, too!" I laughed, then glanced at Jack. "So Jack, why don't you tell everybody the dumbass thing you did a little bit earlier on the bus."

Some girls in the front row laughed and Jack nodded. "Why the hell not. So my best friend in the entire world is riding the tour bus with us because she's our leading photographer. I might introduce you guys to her if you earn it." Cheering. "Anyway, I kind of sat on her camera and broke it, and now she's really pissed at me."

"Oh, boo!" one girl shouted and I couldn't help but snicker.

"Hey, you in the front row with the blue shirt!" I called to her.

She looked surprised at being singled out but answered with, "What up?"

"Okay, so I want to hear your opinion, blue shirt girl. What should Jack do to make it up to his best friend?" I asked. "And everyone in this stadium right now, shut the fuck up. I want to hear her." At my request, everyone fell silent.

"First he's gotta apologize and really mean it. Second, buy her a new camera; make it better than the one he broke, that always works. And you should bring her on stage later, by the way.

I grinned. "Nice. Jack?"

Jack nodded. "Yo, if you guys can sing along at the top of your lungs for the next couple of songs, I'll bring her up here. Right now she's down there, probably taking pictures of me at bad angles to get back at me."

"Damn straight!" Amanda shouted from the pit and the girls in the front row who had heard her laughed.

"Anyway, we're gonna play these next two songs without stopping and then we'll see if you earned it."

We played straight through "Stay Awake" and "Vegas." The crowd most definitely earned it.

--- --- --- ---

POINT OF VIEW: Amanda Rothman.

"To the bus!" I cried and jumped on Alex's back.

"Why yes, of course ma'am," he replied in a terrible British accent. Sometimes it was hard to believe that he was actually born in the U.K. He galloped to the bus with me on his shoulders and even made it up the steps before tripping on a pair of Zack's shoes. Where as Alex landed face-down on the floor, I fell safely onto the couch.

"Jesus, Zack! You and your goddamn shoes almost killed me!' Alex cried.

"It's not my fault you're clumsy," he replied simply.

"I am not clumsy," Alex protested, moments before tripping on Jack's legs. "Well...okay."

Rian laughed. "I'm gonna go to bed. I didn't get much rest on the way here."

Alex waited for Rian to leave the room before whispering loudly, "that's code for: 'Me and Kara sexted the whole time'!"

I sighed. "First of all, it's 'Kara and I.' And second, must you always be so crude?"

"Yes, I must," he nodded while rifling through the miniature fridge. Jack was already on his laptop checking Myspace and Zack was playing with his acoustic guitar on the couch.

"You truly have no life," I concluded, plopping down next to Jack.

"Sure I do," he replied, his eyes remaining glued firmly to the screen.

I rolled my eyes and stood again. "Whatever, I'm going to sleep."

"Wait," Jack set aside his laptop and stood suddenly. "Are you gonna forgive me for breaking your camera? I feel so guilty."

I sighed. It was impossible to stay mad at him. "Yeah, I forgive you."

His smile practically lit up the room. "Good. Well, night!" Jack wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. It felt good, his warm, strong body pressed against mine, but I shook off this feeling and stepped away.

"Um, good night then," I stammered awkwardly and retreated to my room. Once there I leaned against the cool wall and closed my eyes, taking slow, deep breaths. What the hell? In all the years that I'd known Jack, not once had he ever inspired that weird feeling in me, and now all of a sudden it was there? What is going on with me lately? I chalked it up to being overtired and climbed into bed, rubbing my eyes fiercely. I could hear Alex and Jack talking but managed to shut out their voices; right now I needed to sleep, not eavesdrop.

A long moment or two later Jack stormed into the room and slammed the door. I sat up and scanned his face: he looked pissed. "What's wrong?" I asked nervously.

He shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Nothing."

"Please?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I wanted to know.

"I just can't, okay?" he snapped.

I was taken aback and flinched away from him. He seemed to notice this almost at once and frowned at himself. "U'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's fine," I lied.

"I just-" he reached to touch me but I quickly moved away.

"I said it's fine," I repeated quietly, barely more than a whisper. I settled under the covers and closed my eyes. "Good night, Jack." Now I wished that I had eavesdropped so I could understand why Jack was so upset.