The Smile You Fake, The Steps You Take

POINT OF VIEW: Jack Barakat.

Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK. Why had I not put two and two together? There was no way that I could compete with John now that I knew he was that John. I'd thought that Amanda and John would have one day together to rehash the friendship they used to have, then he would leave and everything would go back to normal. I figured that after he left I would have plenty of time to move in with Amanda. But now he was going to be with us for the remainder of the tour, which was a really long time. This was not good. I felt gay just thinking it, but it was hard to deny that John was a good-looking guy. And I have nothing on him. At least, that's how I figured any normal girl would see it. Didn't I just have the shittiest luck in the world?

I had been taken by surprise when Amanda ran away just as I was about to tell her the band touring with us, especially since she'd been pestering me about it for days, but then I turned to see the face of the guy that was going to try and take Amanda away from me and that face turned out to be one of my closest touring friends. Why in the name of God did it have to be John O'Callaghan? And why had I never heard of Amanda's friendship with him before? How long had she known him? Longer than me? I got the spontaneous urge to punch John in the face for being Amanda's friend but managed to hold myself back. That would be extremely uncool of me, which is definitely an understatement.

I didn't say much as everyone else greeted John but was forced to speak when I finally got to tell Amanda who was performing with us on the tour. Previously, I'd been so excited to tell her because I knew that The Maine was one of her favorite bands. I'd been so eager to make her happy, but now her joy was completely meaningless because she wasn't sharing it with me, she was sharing it with...him.

I flinched visibly when John called Amanda "Mandy" and looked away. How long had he been calling her that? I thought I was the only one who got to give Amanda a nickname. I whispered to Alex, "Hey, I'm gonna, um, go do a sound-check real fast." Before Alex could question me I dashed off, instead heading for the bathroom. That was really the only place I could think of that I could go which would assure me some privacy. Once there I locked the stall and leaned against the wall, sliding onto the floor.

"This is just fucking great!" I shouted at the ceiling in disgust. "How the hell am I going to compete with that?"

A moment passed of complete silence, then I heard the door open. "Jack?" Alex's voice called.

I got to my feet and unlocked the door. "What?"

"Are you all right, dude?"

"Fine," I answered flatly, shoving past him out of the bathroom.

He grabbed my arm to stop me. "Dude, really. What's going on with you? Last night you were so pumped about winning Amanda and now you look like you're contemplating suicide."

I frowned, "Look, Alex. I thought that John was just some random dude she knew. I thought that I could make myself look better than him. But then her wonderful, amazing John turns out to be one of our touring buddies, the one that girls practically throw themselves at. I can't compete with that shit."

He nodded confidently. "Sure you can."

I scoffed and turned to walk away. "No. I. Can. Not," I said each word slowly and carefully, trying to get my point across. There was no way that I was going to win this war, even if I tried with all my might.

"Jack, I swear to god, if you give up I'm going to kick your ass," Alex nearly shouted. "You're the fucking man, you got that?" He shook my shoulders aggresively. "You can get any girl you want, and that girl is Amanda. You can do it, dude!"

He was slowly getting through to me. "Yeah, I guess."

"What was that?"

"Um..." I paused. "I mean, I can do it?" I cried, more like a question than an exclamation.

"That's right, you can! You're Jack fucking Barakat! Now go and get your girl, dammit!"

Fifteen minutes later I was idly watching Amanda and John flirt mercilessly in the green room. My God, why was I putting up with this? It was painfully obvious that he liked her, but it was also very obvious that Amanda had no idea she was flirting. Jesus Christ. Watching this was like being in the seventh ring of hell, but for some reason it was sort of transfixing. It was almost like a car crash or some sort of tragic event: you wanted to look away yet you simply couldn't. Every time Amanda smiled or laughed all I wanted to do was hug her, and each time John played with her hair or was the reason she smiled I just wanted to kick him in the face. I couldn't conjure up any way to get Amanda away from John, except in the case of really lame shit that was completely transparent. I didn't want John to know that I was deathly jealous of him right now, because the last thing we needed was to get some sort of awkward vibe going on right before we kicked off touring together. Great. Imagine if he asked Amanda out and she said yes. Their flirting and hugging and God knows what else would not be appreciated throughout the rest of this God-awfully long tour.

Finally it was ten minutes to show-time and John had to go to the stage to do a mic-check with the rest of his band. As soon as he left I relocated to the chair next to Amanda, which was still moved close to her from when John had occupied it. "Hey, stranger," I nudged her in the side and immediately wanted to slap myself for uttering something so lame.

She laughed ... good sign. "Hey, Jack. You've been kind of quiet today, is something wrong?"

Yes! Of course there's something wrong! "No," I said instead. "I've just ... I've been a little bored lately. After the show ends do you wanna go out and do something? Something fun?"

"Just you and me? Or like, you, me, All Time Low, and The Maine?"

Just you and me! "All of us would be fine."

"Well, what exactly is there to do around Iowa? Is there like, a farming museum or something?" she joked.

I grinned and rolled my eyes. "I dunno, I was thinking more along the lines of go-karts, bowling, or laser tag, and getting something to eat afterward. I dunno."

"Yeah! I haven't done laser-tag in the longest time. Can we do that?"

I paused for a long moment, pretending to think about it. "Well, I don't know, 'Manda..."

"Please?" she begged and grabbed my arm, causing little tingles to errupt up and down it.

"Fine, whatever you want," I laughed.

She grinned and leapt out of her seat to engulf me in a full-body hug. Practically sitting on my lap, she tussled my hair and poked my nose. "You're the best, Jack."

Just as I was about to respond, we heard John announce from the stage, "Hey guys, we're The Maine!" His statement was greeted by hundreds of screaming fans.

Amanda jumped off my lap and I frowned without thinking. "I promised John I'd watch from the side of the stage, I'm sorry," she bit her lip and started towards the stage. "I think he was gonna drag me on there just like you did the other day, but I might have to punch him if he does."

Please do. Kick him, I thought to myself and nodded. "Yeah, sure. No problem. See you after the show."

Amanda smiled and jogged away. I watched her as she went, sighing. Alex came up behind me and pat me on the shoulder. "Was any progress made, sir?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Well, we're all apparently playing laser tag tonight."

Alex nodded. "That's a good start, I guess."