Like we used to

Every time I see how she has her arms around his neck, each time her lips touch his, I can feel some kind of anger growing in my insides, making me want to separate them in any possible way. It makes me yearn to hug her and kiss her lips like we used to do before.

But, it's not possible anymore.

I stayed in a corner, watching how the lust of the two consumed their bodies and lips, leaving nothing for the imagination.

Or, actually for my memories.

When they both pulled away, Carrie looked at me and her eyes had guilt written all over them, much like her face.

Why does she do this to me?
She always gives me that look, and with just that one look, my heart twists on the inside of my chest, hurting like fuck.

I can't see her feeling like that.
I really can't.
And I don't even know why she feels the way she does. I just know that I need to protect her.
It doesn't matter if she's mine or not; I hate seeing her in pain.

But there's no way in hell I can approach her, without him noticing.
It was sickening the way they were constantly near each other. Disgusting, really.

Only a few seconds had passed, when she looked back at the boy that she now called her boyfriend.
The boy that I hate with every fiber of my being, because he took the love of my life away from me.

He told her the most overused, and most cliché phrase ever, but it's also the phrase that's the most important in a relationship.

“I love you, Carrie,” I heard how he told her with a higher than normal tone of voice.
I'm sure he did that on porpuse.

I felt how a simple “crack” sounded in my chest, making me notice how broken this organ that keeps me live was.

It's also the organ that keeps me suffering.

I need a new heart, so I can throw this one away and, once and for all, continue with my life; forget this perfect and beautiful girl that I fell in love with.

The girl that with only one glance, can convince me to do anything.
With just a simple touch from her, my body would shake and surrender to her.

I love her with all my soul, heart and mind.

I kept staring at the perfect couple, watching as they danced and enjoyed the taste of each other..
I noticed how Carrie had her chest resting on that fucking man; her eyes shut, relaxing.

I know, more than anyone, that her most peaceful sleep comes from listening to a steady beating heart.

Whether we were laying on her bed or mine, she'd lay her head on my chest and I'd feel how her breath became steady and as peaceful as a scenic lake.

I doubted that she had noticed how my fast my heartbeat was whenever she was that close to me; when I could feel her breath over my chest.
It was something that I could never explain with words.

It was like a biological clock, those “tics tocs” that made her sleep arrive, and she'd just closed her eyes, making her body relax against my chest.
I miss those days ...

Both of us sleeping in the same bed, trying to heat up our cold bodies when the winter threatened us with freezing temperatures. I missed hugging her, wishing that we could be in that moment forever. I thought that our love would be eternal, that our bodies would be together forever all those nights in which we had a complete intimacy.

It had happened awhile ago, but the memory was still burned into my brain: the night we first made love -

Our first time.

Just two naive kids who were horny and in a parking lot.

Maybe if someone were to look at that from the outside, they would think that very thing. But, for me, that night was the simple confirmation of the fact that I was completely in love with her.
I love her with all of my heart and I'll never stop loving her.
I know her like no one else does.
We were made for each other.

At least that was what I thought before that kid arrived in our lives, making Carrie's opinion change and, ultimately, leading to her breaking up with me, without giving me a fighting chance.

I don't even want to imagine what she does with him. I don't want to think that she's with him in
the same way she was with me. I don't want to know if she says his name instead of mine.
She's mine.
I want her to be mine forever.

I was still there, supporting my body against the bar, looking at that beautiful couple kissing and hugging, demostrating each other's love.

I can see that he loves her.
But I know Carrie like I know myself; she doesn't love him.
At least, not yet ...
Fucking thoughts come to my mind without my permission.
She doesn't love him.

He got closer to her ear and whispered something that made her smile. It was the smile that I missed so much at the moment.

The only thing I want, is to make her smile all over again and to be able to whisper things in her ear that make her feel like the queen she is.

I loved to tell her things that made her feel invincible.

I'd tell her how she was the only one in my world;
How she had me wrapped around her finger.

Because it was true.

Finally, after what felt like hours, I saw how the boy that I hate walking away from her, but not before telling her something in her ear that she smiled and nodded with her head to.

I felt like everything had started all over again; like I was living in that day where I was afraid to go and talk to her.
The day in which I saw her and lost my breath because of her perfect beauty; those amazing blue eyes that drove me crazy in just seconds.

I had to talk to her, but I was so afraid that I couldn't even move my legs.

I wanted to go and talk to her, but I was so afraid of what she might think or tell me.

Everything started all over again! How did we get here?

But if I don't go now, I´ll never be able to talk to her.

Her new boyfriend will come back anytime soon.

My legs started to move as slowly as they had the first night I met her.

I could only see her back at the moment; she was turned around, looking for something to enjoy while she was waiting for that fucker.

I approached her with a slow pace in order not to scare her, when I hugged her from the waist and put my lips near her ear so she would be able to listen to me clearly.

“Does he watch your favorite movies? Does he hold you when you cry? Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts, when you've seen it a million times. Does he sing to all your music, while you dance to purple rain? Does he do all these things? Like I used to?” I told her with the same voice I used when we met - that I'm-so-in-love that no one could deny voice.

She turned around so we were facing each other.

Her perfect blue eyes were looking at my brown ones with surprise.

“Alex,” Carrie said after some seconds of silence. I noticed how her mind was telling her to run away but, obviously, she wasn't paying attention to it.

She just stayed there, surrounded by my arms, looking at me with curiosity and intrigue.

A little smirk appeared on her lips, thousands of butterflies made their way to my stomach, making me realize that I wanted to touch those lips again. I wanted to kiss them and be able to feel that taste that I remembered exactly as if I had never stopped kissing her at all.
That taste was stuck in my head.

But,just as I was getting my face closer, and trying to catch her lips with mine, she looked down and after a few seconds, she looked back up.

“Like we used to, Gaskarth Like we used to,” Carrie told me with a smile on her face, before she turned around and went away to look for her boyfriend.