Status: Rewrite
Suicide Note
Entry One
I open my locker and pull out my math book. I notice a sticky note on the cover, and smile.
Hey, babe.
Just letting you know that I love
you and that I was thinking of
you. See you after school!
~Vince
I smile at the love note my boyfriend left me. He always leaves me notes, especially on days that I have tests.
Yuck, a math test.
I sigh and put the note in my pocket for luck. I close the locker and head for the bathroom, as I normally do before math class. But just before I go to open the door, my friend Annie walks out, almost knocking me over.
"Oh," Annie laughs. "Sorry, Jess,"
"No worries," I say back.
Annie smiles and leans on the wall next to me. Her real name isn't Annie, that's just her nickname because her hair is red and curled like no other. In fact, I don't actually know her real name.
"So, what's up?" She asks.
I shrug. "Nothin',"
She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, like nothing can be up with you, the most popular girl in school."
I give on awkward laugh.
"I got to go, babe," Annie says and starts walking away. "Later,"
I wave. "Nice chatting with you,"
Once Annie is out of site, I open the bathroom door.
I lean down to check and see if anyone is in the stalls. No one. Perfect.
I turn back to the door and lock it, unlock it, and lock it again. I do thing ten times, and make sure that it is locked when I am finished. I inhale deeply and walk down to the very last stall. I push to door open and close it behind me. I lock it and unlock it ten times, like I did with the main door. I drop my backpack and pull down my pants and panties. I sit on the toilet begin to pee.
But the bathroom door begins to rattle; someone is trying to get in. Panic rises inside of me.
No, I tell myself. The door is locked, no one is going to get in.
The door shakes and shakes, and then the person starts banging on the door.
Calm down, I think as my breath quickens. They can go to the other bathrooms. Calm down.
I swallow hard and my hands start shaking.
Suddenly, the banging stops. I wait a few seconds to slow my breathing. I stand up and pull up my pants. I flush once, and then a second time. I walk over to the lock, unlock it, and the turn back to the toilet to flush one last time, when I see it.
Normally, I would flush once more, and then walk out of the stall. But the notebook next to the toilet stops me. It sits next to the toilet, peacefully. If it were not for my OCD when it comes to bathrooms, I would have never even noticed it.
I slowly walk up to it, and hover.
A camera, is my first thought. A secret camera is hidden in there, because someone is watching me.
No! I tell myself. Someone must have dropped it.
I reach down and pick up the notebook. Words and drawings cover both sides of the notebook, but no name.
Words like DIE and HATE are in red and bold. It makes me wonder. So I place the notebook in my backpack, and leave the stall. I wash my hands twice, as usual. I unlock the door, and leave the bathroom. I have to run to get to math class on time.
I finish my test early, so I have free time. I hide the notebook with my binder, so no one can see what I am reading. I open the notebook slowly to the first page.
~Entry One
_____Dear Journal
_____I am alone. I will always be alone. It seems that death is my only way out, but we will see, won't we? I am in the school bathroom, as normal; because it is the only place I can truly be alone. As always, those around me don't understand me. They don't care. They don't know.
_____They never will.
_____I do not fear for hurting me, because I can control that. But to those asses and bitchy preps around me...if I snap I don't think I would be able to stop myself from killing them. Thomas Anderson said that I was an, "Emo, psycho, bitch who needed to kill herself and make the world a better place."
_____Maybe that is true. It most likely is. All I have done is caused everyone around me pain. Just look at my family. If I was a boy, my family would be happy. Mom and dad would be happy. But no, I had to be a fucking girl. So maybe Thomas Anderson was right.
_____Maybe it would be best if I offed myself.
_____I have to go now. Class is starting in a few minutes. Tomorrow I will write during lunch, so I will be able to make a longer entry.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~No One Important
Hey, babe.
Just letting you know that I love
you and that I was thinking of
you. See you after school!
~Vince
I smile at the love note my boyfriend left me. He always leaves me notes, especially on days that I have tests.
Yuck, a math test.
I sigh and put the note in my pocket for luck. I close the locker and head for the bathroom, as I normally do before math class. But just before I go to open the door, my friend Annie walks out, almost knocking me over.
"Oh," Annie laughs. "Sorry, Jess,"
"No worries," I say back.
Annie smiles and leans on the wall next to me. Her real name isn't Annie, that's just her nickname because her hair is red and curled like no other. In fact, I don't actually know her real name.
"So, what's up?" She asks.
I shrug. "Nothin',"
She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, like nothing can be up with you, the most popular girl in school."
I give on awkward laugh.
"I got to go, babe," Annie says and starts walking away. "Later,"
I wave. "Nice chatting with you,"
Once Annie is out of site, I open the bathroom door.
I lean down to check and see if anyone is in the stalls. No one. Perfect.
I turn back to the door and lock it, unlock it, and lock it again. I do thing ten times, and make sure that it is locked when I am finished. I inhale deeply and walk down to the very last stall. I push to door open and close it behind me. I lock it and unlock it ten times, like I did with the main door. I drop my backpack and pull down my pants and panties. I sit on the toilet begin to pee.
But the bathroom door begins to rattle; someone is trying to get in. Panic rises inside of me.
No, I tell myself. The door is locked, no one is going to get in.
The door shakes and shakes, and then the person starts banging on the door.
Calm down, I think as my breath quickens. They can go to the other bathrooms. Calm down.
I swallow hard and my hands start shaking.
Suddenly, the banging stops. I wait a few seconds to slow my breathing. I stand up and pull up my pants. I flush once, and then a second time. I walk over to the lock, unlock it, and the turn back to the toilet to flush one last time, when I see it.
Normally, I would flush once more, and then walk out of the stall. But the notebook next to the toilet stops me. It sits next to the toilet, peacefully. If it were not for my OCD when it comes to bathrooms, I would have never even noticed it.
I slowly walk up to it, and hover.
A camera, is my first thought. A secret camera is hidden in there, because someone is watching me.
No! I tell myself. Someone must have dropped it.
I reach down and pick up the notebook. Words and drawings cover both sides of the notebook, but no name.
Words like DIE and HATE are in red and bold. It makes me wonder. So I place the notebook in my backpack, and leave the stall. I wash my hands twice, as usual. I unlock the door, and leave the bathroom. I have to run to get to math class on time.
I finish my test early, so I have free time. I hide the notebook with my binder, so no one can see what I am reading. I open the notebook slowly to the first page.
~Entry One
_____Dear Journal
_____I am alone. I will always be alone. It seems that death is my only way out, but we will see, won't we? I am in the school bathroom, as normal; because it is the only place I can truly be alone. As always, those around me don't understand me. They don't care. They don't know.
_____They never will.
_____I do not fear for hurting me, because I can control that. But to those asses and bitchy preps around me...if I snap I don't think I would be able to stop myself from killing them. Thomas Anderson said that I was an, "Emo, psycho, bitch who needed to kill herself and make the world a better place."
_____Maybe that is true. It most likely is. All I have done is caused everyone around me pain. Just look at my family. If I was a boy, my family would be happy. Mom and dad would be happy. But no, I had to be a fucking girl. So maybe Thomas Anderson was right.
_____Maybe it would be best if I offed myself.
_____I have to go now. Class is starting in a few minutes. Tomorrow I will write during lunch, so I will be able to make a longer entry.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~No One Important
♠ ♠ ♠
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