Suicide Note

Who knew that being bad could feel so good...or so painful?
I slowly walk downstairs and peek into the living room. Mother is sitting next to Rohn, holding his hand. I inhale deeply, and walk in.
Rohn and Mom look at me at the same time, neither of them speaks.
"Mother, Rohn, I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. Rohn, I guess I am upset that my own father doesn't love mom and myself enough to stay, and I took it out on you. You're the only father I have. And I'm sorry for everything." I pause. "Mother, I'm sorry for acting the way I did. I am not feeling well. I think the stress from school is making me sick. I haven't slept for two days. So, I took some cold medicine, which should knock me out in like ten minutes." I sit next to mom.
She doesn't speak for a moment, "You're forgiven, Jess. You've been acting so odd lately, though..."
"I'm sick, mother," I say softly.
Rohn pitches in. "Are you sure?"
I look at him. He won't stop asking questions until I give him what he wants, even if it means causing me pain. "Yeah. I think I know my own body, Dad." I let out a fake giggle after choking out the word. I feel like I am about to throw up now, calling him that.
Rohn smiles proudly, like he just won an award. Mother gasps and lifts her hand to her mouth.
"Like I said," I try to explain myself. "You're the only father I have,"

I lie in my bed for ten minutes. The lights are off, and the moon is showing though the window creating a glare. That will help. I hear the soft footsteps coming up the stairs. I begin to snore lightly, and I close my eyes, just in case. My door opens, and Rohn sighs.
"She's asleep," He whispers to mother.
"Good. She'll be in a better mood tomorrow." Mother says.
I wait five more minutes just to be safe. I get up and turn on the light. I pull off my over sized T shirt and reveal a black tank top. I pull on my jeans and pull back my hair. I place pillows under the sheets and form it to look like a body under there. I grab my shoulder bag and open the window.
I see Tyler's truck parked across the street and wave to him. He waves back.
I step out my window and onto the ledge. I close the window, and double check that I can reopen it. I slowly try to figure out a way down by using a rose bush that vines up the wall of the house. But half way down I slip and fall on my back. I land on the wet grass.
It takes a lot not to scream, but I don't. I bite my lip, and just lay there.
"Jess!" Tyler kneels down by my side. "Holy shit! Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
I open my eyes. "Ow," Is all I can say.
"Can you move?" Tyler asks.
"Yeah, just give me a second," I pause.
A moment later a get up and Tyler walks me to the truck.
"Are you sure you still wanna go?" Tyler asks.
I step in. "Yeah, I'm sure. I just can’t lose face.”
Tyler shakes his head. “I just don’t understand why going to this party is so important.”
“I need to do this.” I say getting in his truck.

After ten minutes of driving, Tyler and I reach Thomas' house. It is a beautiful home. Three stories of logs and lights. It is a log home. But the teens drinking and partying outside sure do take away the beauty.
Tyler parks the truck. I open my door, but Tyler stays put. I turn to him. "What's wrong?"
He bites his lip. "I shouldn't be here,"
"Why not? You have every right to be here as I do."
He looks at me. "No, Jess, I don't. These are your friends, not mine. I don't fit in." He glances down at his black a purple long sleeved shirt and black skinny jeans. "I don't fit in,"
"Hey," I say. "I can't go in there alone,"
"Yes, you can. You have to," Tyler smiles. "I'll be here, in my truck, kay'?"
I nod slowly.
"I won't leave until you're back in this truck with me." Tyler says.
I open the door and step out.
When I get inside the house, everyone seems to go silent. Eyes lock on me.
I continue to walk through the house proudly, even if everyone thinks I'm crazy for showing up. Looks like Vince couldn't keep his mouth shut about the fight.
I reach the kitchen, and begin to pour myself some water, when Patrick shows up next to me.
"What are you doing here?" He asks.
I look at him. "Obviously getting some water. You?"
Patrick keeps his gaze. "You're not supposed to be here,"
"Says who?" I snap.
"Jess," Thomas walks over. Kristen and Vince are behind him. I pay no attention to either of them. "I don't want you here,"
"Why not?" I ask.
Thomas glances at Vince, then back at me. "No one wants you here."
My eyes lock on Vince's. We stand there a moment, and don't speak a word. I shove the glass of water at Patrick, spilling it on him. I walk away.
I am walking to the front door, realizing that showing up here was a mistake, when I notice someone in the backyard. I see them though the sliding glass door. The person is the only person outside, because it has started to rain.
I go and investigate.
I open the door and close it behind me, and I stay under the covered porch. The glow from the light of the pool creates a glow around the person.
"Hey," I call.
The person slowly turns to face me, but I am still unable to see their face behind their hood.
"Well, well, well." The person says.
And I know who it is. Just by the sound of her voice. I remember the voice...
"Suicide Girl," I whisper.
"Jessica Parker. You found me," She says.
I notice the gun in her hand. I step out into the rain. "You don't have to-"
"Yes I do. Didn't you read the last entry?"
I shake my head.
"Well," She says. "I knew you wouldn't. The power of the notebook was too much for you, eh?"
My hands start to shake. "How did you know it was me?"
"How could I not know?" She pulls the gun up to her head.
"No!" I call. "Don't-"
"Why not, huh? Why should I suffer more?" She yells.
I pause.
"There's only one way you can stop this Jessica. One way, and only one way." She says, her own voice shaking.
Why am I doing this? This girl has hurt me so much, and now I'm risking my own sanity to save her? Why?
Because she saved me. In a way I guess.
"How?" I whisper.
"Just tell me my name! That's all you have to do, Jessica! Tell me my name!"
I glance down at the ground and say. "I don't know it,"
"Yes you do! Tell me! Tell me and this all goes away."
"I can't!" I cry, taking a step closer.
Instantly, she points the gun at me because of my fast movement toward her. I freeze.
She lets out a laugh. "Looks like it's your life on the line now, Jessica. Now, tell me my name! Prove to me that I am supposed to be here on this earth!"
"You're mental!" I scream, as the rain falls harder.
"Just tell me my name, and all of this will go away, Jessica. You remember me! I know you do!"
Remember. I have to remember. I remember the science project...I remember I was with her...
"Come on, Jessica! Tell me my god damned name!" She calls.
"I'm trying!" I call back.
Have to remember. I have to. She'll kill me. I have to remember...
"Jessica, come on!"
I remember telling her off at lunch. I called her a "no-good-emo-psycho-wannabe." I remember that. But her name.
I fall to me knees, and grab my hair. This can't be happening. My life is on the line, and all I have to do is remember a name? Should I start guessing?
The gun clicks as it gets ready to shoot. "You had to write my name on the science worksheet, because my handwriting was terrible. So don't even try to get out of this one by saying that I never told you. Come on, Jessica."
Remember. Oh my god! I remember writing the name! But what were the letters?
There was a T, and a K, and an A...
"Remember," I whisper to myself. I need more time. I can't do this with so much pressure. But I have to. Or I'll die. "Please, remember," I sniff.
Y, R, S and a N...
I hear a sigh, but I don't look up from the ground. Think, think!
"Too bad, Jessica Parker..." She begins.
There was an I and a G, but what else?
"I really hoped you could pull this off..."
T-A-Y-L-Y-N? No, that's not right.
K-A-R-Y? That's not right either.
A-N-N-Y? No, it's not Anny!
What the hell am I going to do?
"I really wanted you to pull this off..." The girl continues.
Wait. I remember her spelling it out for me, as I wrote it. I asked, "How do you spell your name, cause' some people spell their names really weird."
And she said. "It's pretty simple. T-A-Y-L-O-R-"
And I remember writing it._____ T-A-Y-L-O-R.
And then she said. "K-I-N-G-S-T-O-N."
Oh my god! That's it!
"I really hoped we could be friends." She says.
"Taylor! Taylor Kingston! Your name is Taylor Kingston! I remember writing it!" I call. My heart is racing in panic, but relief fills me. I did it. I remembered her.
She pauses, and then tosses the gun into the pool. "Do you remember the day I died, Jessica?"
I stare at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"
She pulls her hood off, and the first thing I see is the bright red flow of curly red hair bouncing on her shoulders.
"Annie?" I whisper, still on the ground.
She smiles. "Yeah, it's me,"
"You're...you're Taylor?" I ask, my voice shaking.
"Not anymore. She died a long time ago, and I became Annie. Didn't you ever wonder how my hair is so naturally red? Well, it isn't natural. I have to die it every six weeks. That's also why I told everyone my name is Annie, so they wouldn't remember who I was those years ago, not that anyone would." She smiles.
"W-why?" I ask.
"Why the notebook? It's simple. When I came back to school in the ninth grade as Annie, you had no idea who I was formally. And it hurt, Jessica. It hurt really badly. I wanted to kill you-"
"You were just about to kill me!" I scream.
"Let me finish. I wanted to kill you, but I knew that you would never understand how much pain I was actually in. So, I wrote the notebook, knowing that you would feel the need to be the 'hero of the day', even though it was a lie. And I knew you couldn't help yourself from reading it. Yes, it was a long process to find the right time to let you 'find' the notebook, but during that time I had the chance to find out a lot about you. Really, it worked to my benefit." She pauses, and looks at my reaction.
It was all a lie. Everything was a lie. No notebook. Nothing.
I glance at her. "Heather?"
Annie laughs. "No, there is no Heather. I was an only child. The only child my parents could have. And they wanted a boy. You see, Jessica, in every made up story there is some truth in it about the author, no matter how much it hurts."
Oh my god. Why is this happening? This lie, it hurts so badly, and it's her fault. The notebook gave me something to believe in, but she made it a lie. She lied to me through these years. She took away my happiness and smiles.
I glare at her, feeling my blood boil.
Her smile fades. "What?"
My breathing becomes very deep. I stare into her eyes, trying to bring her down. It's working, her hand is twitching. But that's not enough. It never will be. I will never be able to sleep again knowing that she did this to me. Never again.
"You saw this coming," I whisper.
She raises an eyebrow. "Huh?"
I lunge to her. And then the utter anger takes over. Our bodies smack together, with a loud bang. From my body's force, we fall into the pool. My hands wrap around Annie's neck, and I begin choking her, even though we are underwater. She struggles, and tries to get me off of her, but she is weak...
But not stupid. She punches in the chest. Not very hard, but enough to have to air flow out. I let go of her, and accidentally inhale as an instant reaction. I chlorine burns my throat, I start choking underwater. I become unsteady. Which way is up?
I try to find the surface, but I smack my head on the side of the pool in a frantic fury to find air.
I lose my consciousness.