Status: Rewrite
Suicide Note
Entry Four and Five
Jessica Parker. Jessica Parker. I read my name over and over again.
"What have I done?" I whisper to myself as my eyes begin to fill with tears.
I was the seed that started it all. It is my fault. How could I have done that?
My hands are sweating again, and I begin biting my nails biting my nails; normal stress reaction for me. But this is much worse than stress. It is sheer shock and nervousness.
I think back to seventh grade. I remember the science project, and remember detention, but that girl. I can't place her face. I can't remember her face.
I swallow hard, and force my shaky hands to turn the page.
~Entry Four
_____Dear Journal
_____All I can seem to think of is my parents. How much pain have they caused us? My older sister and I? I am not totally sure. One thing that I do know is that they will be on the top of the list.
_____The list, I have not yet explained. I will save that for a later entry.
_____So, they will be #1.
_____My mother has done the worst thing ever to me this morning. She broke my fingers on my left hand. Each one is swollen and blue. They hurt like a mother fucker, but it is not as bad as what she did to my sister.
_____My sister's arm is broken, and do is her nose. I can still hear her screaming for help...
_____"Help me!" She shrieked in pain. "Help me!"
_____Mom held her arm tight, and jerked it up. Heather screamed out loud.
_____But, I coward away into the closet, my usually at-home retreat. That is where I cry, cut and read.
_____My fingers are killing me right now. My middle one looks like it will explode and puss will go all over the bathroom walls. That would be a sight to see.
_____And would you believe it? No one even asked me about my fingers. Not one fucking person. I can understand someone ignoring a heartless pit of pain like me, but when I am crying in the middle of class because my fingers hurt so fucking bad; one would think that SOMEONE would notice. But as my bad luck would have it, not even a teacher gave me a second look.
_____I swear, if I was a teacher I would notice something like that.
_____But, I am the invisible child who no one ever sees.
_____I have to go. Class is starting.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Invisible Child
I sit back on my bed and let out a painful sigh. I blink back the tears. How someone's parents do that? Parents are supposed to love...protect...
My mind flashes to when my own parents find me in the bathroom...
I quickly change the thought back to the girl and her problems, leaving my own to rest in the back of my mind.
Her sister's name is Heather. I will just have to find Heather and ask about her sister. The only problem is there are like a million "Heather's" in this world. Also, I don't know how long ago this entry was written, so Heather could be anywhere in the world by now.
Or worse, the girl could have already killed herself.
~Entry Five
_____Dear Journal
_____I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said that my fingers are surely broken. No doubt about it. He put splints on them and gave me two pills that will help the pain.
_____Little did I know that my cheep parents can't afford a decent doctor. The meds were to basically paralyze me for an hour or so, giving Doctor Perv enough time to rape me.
_____I just hope that I'm not pregnant.
_____God; if you do exist, please don't let me be pregnant, please! I don't know if I could take more than my own life.
_____So, anyway, I told my mom and dad, and just as I expected they don't give a shit about it. But Heather said that she would take me to get it checked out in a few weeks.
_____.......Did you know that 94% of all teens will get raped before they become a legal adult? True story.
_____But yeah, my body hurts all over, and Doctor Perv said that I shouldn't tell anyone or I would regret it. So I kicked him in the balls when I was able to stand again, laughed for the first time in years and walked out the door.
_____Yes, I laughed. A heartless girl like me can laugh. And it felt great. Better than great. Somehow, it made me feel better, like an actual human. The burning hole in my stomach healed a little bit, with that one little laugh.
_____I like laughing, but like I said, it takes years before I can laugh and mean it. But it helps the pain and sorrow in my heart. It helps everything. I feel better when I laugh.
_____...........I guess I am getting better, maybe. I hope so.
_____Maybe it's the fear of being pregnant. I don't know.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Just another Statistic
I have to bite my sleeve to keep from screaming.
"What have I done?" I whisper to myself as my eyes begin to fill with tears.
I was the seed that started it all. It is my fault. How could I have done that?
My hands are sweating again, and I begin biting my nails biting my nails; normal stress reaction for me. But this is much worse than stress. It is sheer shock and nervousness.
I think back to seventh grade. I remember the science project, and remember detention, but that girl. I can't place her face. I can't remember her face.
I swallow hard, and force my shaky hands to turn the page.
~Entry Four
_____Dear Journal
_____All I can seem to think of is my parents. How much pain have they caused us? My older sister and I? I am not totally sure. One thing that I do know is that they will be on the top of the list.
_____The list, I have not yet explained. I will save that for a later entry.
_____So, they will be #1.
_____My mother has done the worst thing ever to me this morning. She broke my fingers on my left hand. Each one is swollen and blue. They hurt like a mother fucker, but it is not as bad as what she did to my sister.
_____My sister's arm is broken, and do is her nose. I can still hear her screaming for help...
_____"Help me!" She shrieked in pain. "Help me!"
_____Mom held her arm tight, and jerked it up. Heather screamed out loud.
_____But, I coward away into the closet, my usually at-home retreat. That is where I cry, cut and read.
_____My fingers are killing me right now. My middle one looks like it will explode and puss will go all over the bathroom walls. That would be a sight to see.
_____And would you believe it? No one even asked me about my fingers. Not one fucking person. I can understand someone ignoring a heartless pit of pain like me, but when I am crying in the middle of class because my fingers hurt so fucking bad; one would think that SOMEONE would notice. But as my bad luck would have it, not even a teacher gave me a second look.
_____I swear, if I was a teacher I would notice something like that.
_____But, I am the invisible child who no one ever sees.
_____I have to go. Class is starting.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Invisible Child
I sit back on my bed and let out a painful sigh. I blink back the tears. How someone's parents do that? Parents are supposed to love...protect...
My mind flashes to when my own parents find me in the bathroom...
I quickly change the thought back to the girl and her problems, leaving my own to rest in the back of my mind.
Her sister's name is Heather. I will just have to find Heather and ask about her sister. The only problem is there are like a million "Heather's" in this world. Also, I don't know how long ago this entry was written, so Heather could be anywhere in the world by now.
Or worse, the girl could have already killed herself.
~Entry Five
_____Dear Journal
_____I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said that my fingers are surely broken. No doubt about it. He put splints on them and gave me two pills that will help the pain.
_____Little did I know that my cheep parents can't afford a decent doctor. The meds were to basically paralyze me for an hour or so, giving Doctor Perv enough time to rape me.
_____I just hope that I'm not pregnant.
_____God; if you do exist, please don't let me be pregnant, please! I don't know if I could take more than my own life.
_____So, anyway, I told my mom and dad, and just as I expected they don't give a shit about it. But Heather said that she would take me to get it checked out in a few weeks.
_____.......Did you know that 94% of all teens will get raped before they become a legal adult? True story.
_____But yeah, my body hurts all over, and Doctor Perv said that I shouldn't tell anyone or I would regret it. So I kicked him in the balls when I was able to stand again, laughed for the first time in years and walked out the door.
_____Yes, I laughed. A heartless girl like me can laugh. And it felt great. Better than great. Somehow, it made me feel better, like an actual human. The burning hole in my stomach healed a little bit, with that one little laugh.
_____I like laughing, but like I said, it takes years before I can laugh and mean it. But it helps the pain and sorrow in my heart. It helps everything. I feel better when I laugh.
_____...........I guess I am getting better, maybe. I hope so.
_____Maybe it's the fear of being pregnant. I don't know.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Just another Statistic
I have to bite my sleeve to keep from screaming.