Suicide Note

~Entry Eight
_____Dear Journal
_____I am terrified. I am in my closet, crying. My parents are yelling, screaming. They are arguing about what to do with "their imbecilic daughter."
_____I am so scared of what they will do to me next. Terrified. Utterly, terrified.
_____Mom just said that they might as well kick me out. I am useless to them.
_____What have I done in a past life to deserve this? God, what have I done?
_____I am so scared. Heather left me here to deal with this shit, and I am so alone.
_____I see a spider on my ceiling. He'll keep me company. I will name him Ross. He is all I have.
_____Oh my God. I hear footsteps stomping down the hall, toward my bedroom.
_____They're coming. They're coming for me...
_____Please God; don't let their wrath be too horrible. I will serve you until the day I die.
_____I hear them, right outside my door. Mom is still yelling. They are probably drunk again.
_____My door was just slammed open. Oh God. Don't let them find me. Please, don't-

My mouth is dry as I finish reading this page. I note the tear stains on this page, thus making the entry even more real.
"Holy shit," I say under my breath.
I wonder what happened. What did the girls' parents do to her? How could they hurt her so bad? How could her sister leave her?
I turn the page.

~Entry Nine
_____Dear Journal
_____God? What God. There is no God in my life.
_____I haven't been able to write for the past few weeks because my hands were too swollen to write, or even pick up things. My parents have been taking their anger out on me, and I have been taking up the chores and such that my dead-to-me sister left me. I have been working my ass off, and also getting the punishment for both my sister and I.
_____So yeah. Double chores and double beatings. Double pain.
_____I don't believe in a God. If there was a God, why would he put me though such pain? Why would anyone do that? God is supposed to love and protect his "children" right? He is supposed to protect us. But why wouldn't he protect me from the worst pain in the history of the world?
_____Okay, so maybe it's not the worst pain in the world, but it still hurts.
_____I feel sad. Not really angry at this so called God, just really sad. I don't believe in him or her. I want to, because that way I can have something to lean on. Something to rest my head on.
_____But it is really difficult to believe in something that you can't see.
_____So I have given up on him, and decided that there is no God in my life. And if there is, he must really hate me.
_____No God, what an alarming thought.
_____I have to go now. Class is starting.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Unbelievable
_____PS
_____Sorry it has been so long since I have written.

This entry is really making me think about God. I know that there is a higher power in my life that sends some kind of control, but I am not so sure if I believe.
Like the girl said, it is difficult to believe in something that you cannot see.