Status: Rewrite
Suicide Note
Entry Ten
~Entry Ten
_____Dear Journal
_____I feel as though I am falling. The wind rushes past my face, and though my jet black hair. I don't scream or call out, because I cannot find my voice. No one would even hear behind the terrible wind. My eyes water from the great force of the wind. My arms are stretched out, as if to save me for when I hit the ground. My baggy jeans whip my legs, stinging them. But I barely notice considering I am focusing on the rocky ground inching closer to me. It is as if life is in slow motion, and ever second is stretched out just to cause me ever more pain from the thought.
_____I do not fear the painful smack of the ground, but what the fear is doing to me. The only thing I fear is fear itself.
_____I can't remember who said that, but I know it was someone important. I find that weird. Important people can't remember my name, and I can't remember important people's name.
_____I just find that odd.
_____But as the ground grows closer, I realize something. There is a person at the bottom. I cannot see their face, nor can I see anything about them. The person is simply a shadow.
_____The person is holding out their arms, as if to catch me from falling. I want that. I want someone to catch me from this doom that has been bestowed upon me. I want someone to care enough to catch me.
_____I want someone to catch me...
_____Please...
_____But as I get closer, I notice something that makes me want to cry out. The shadow is no shadow, but a mirage. The darkness of the person begins to dim. Slowly now, but still. Soon I can only see the outline of what was once a supposed person. They pull back their arms, and then, they're gone.
_____No outline, nothing. The person, who was there for me, is gone.
_____Never to return. Never.
_____Yet, I still fall. I'm screaming now. Yelling out for help. Anyone to catch me from this fate. I cry and cry, but no one can hear. No one is even here.
_____The ground comes closer and closer. The jagged rocks on the ground terrify me. They will hurt more than anything.
_____Or will they? Was life just a waste of time? All this pain, of waiting to fall, was it worth it? Was everything that I have done worth doing?
_____Maybe this pain of the rocks will hurt so much less than actually living though the fall off of the cliff. Maybe I will never have to fear the fall again.
_____I hope the pain of the rocks is better than the pain of the fall. I hope that I will never have to deal with the pain of the fall again. Never.
_____I feel sick to my stomach now. The fear is gone, and now I just feel sick and numb. The cold of the wind has frozen my fingers and toes. I cannot move my arms out from their position anymore. They are stuck.
_____I have lost my voice, and I cannot scream anymore. It is gone. I have lost everything that is worth falling for.
_____I now understand that I am not worth catching, that I am not worth being saved.
_____Who would even want to save someone who has been falling for so long? I am not sure. But I most defiantly have been falling for a very long time. And the one person whom I have counted on through everything is gone.
_____Not even my own sister will catch me.
_____Man, it is so cold. My heart is even slowing to an unhealthy rate. I feel my organs shutting down, until they stop all together. My heart rate is almost nothing. I feel nothing.
_____The ground is so close now; I can almost smell the rocks. Yeah, I can smell the rocks.
_____It is almost over. Everything. I can feel it.
_____Death is coming, finally. After all of this shit that I have had to deal with. It is almost here. Finally.
_____I hit the ground, with a powerful blow. Pain ripples though my body. My face is smashed in. My arms are broken is a million different places. My legs are covered in red blood, though I have no idea where the wound is because I cannot feel. I know that I have broken some ribs, but which ones?
_____Why am I not dead yet? Why do I simply see the brown dirt that surrounds me? Why have I yet not been taken the Grim?
_____I manage to roll over, on my back. I am looking to the sky. The blue sky comforts me somewhat. The warm sun is bright, making me squint for a few moments. I see one cloud, which looks like a rubber duck. I used to spend house looking at the clouds, figuring out what pictures I would see. Today, it is just the rubber duck. I smile for the first time in a long time.
_____Suddenly, my body warms from the sun. Quickly I feel the pain from the strike of the ground. I glance down, and notice that rocks are poking out of my torso. Sharp, painful rocks. I let out a cry, when I realize that many of my ribs are broken.
_____Such pain. Such awful pain. I cry again, when my vision goes black by me passing out from agony.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Just Die Already
_____Dear Journal
_____I feel as though I am falling. The wind rushes past my face, and though my jet black hair. I don't scream or call out, because I cannot find my voice. No one would even hear behind the terrible wind. My eyes water from the great force of the wind. My arms are stretched out, as if to save me for when I hit the ground. My baggy jeans whip my legs, stinging them. But I barely notice considering I am focusing on the rocky ground inching closer to me. It is as if life is in slow motion, and ever second is stretched out just to cause me ever more pain from the thought.
_____I do not fear the painful smack of the ground, but what the fear is doing to me. The only thing I fear is fear itself.
_____I can't remember who said that, but I know it was someone important. I find that weird. Important people can't remember my name, and I can't remember important people's name.
_____I just find that odd.
_____But as the ground grows closer, I realize something. There is a person at the bottom. I cannot see their face, nor can I see anything about them. The person is simply a shadow.
_____The person is holding out their arms, as if to catch me from falling. I want that. I want someone to catch me from this doom that has been bestowed upon me. I want someone to care enough to catch me.
_____I want someone to catch me...
_____Please...
_____But as I get closer, I notice something that makes me want to cry out. The shadow is no shadow, but a mirage. The darkness of the person begins to dim. Slowly now, but still. Soon I can only see the outline of what was once a supposed person. They pull back their arms, and then, they're gone.
_____No outline, nothing. The person, who was there for me, is gone.
_____Never to return. Never.
_____Yet, I still fall. I'm screaming now. Yelling out for help. Anyone to catch me from this fate. I cry and cry, but no one can hear. No one is even here.
_____The ground comes closer and closer. The jagged rocks on the ground terrify me. They will hurt more than anything.
_____Or will they? Was life just a waste of time? All this pain, of waiting to fall, was it worth it? Was everything that I have done worth doing?
_____Maybe this pain of the rocks will hurt so much less than actually living though the fall off of the cliff. Maybe I will never have to fear the fall again.
_____I hope the pain of the rocks is better than the pain of the fall. I hope that I will never have to deal with the pain of the fall again. Never.
_____I feel sick to my stomach now. The fear is gone, and now I just feel sick and numb. The cold of the wind has frozen my fingers and toes. I cannot move my arms out from their position anymore. They are stuck.
_____I have lost my voice, and I cannot scream anymore. It is gone. I have lost everything that is worth falling for.
_____I now understand that I am not worth catching, that I am not worth being saved.
_____Who would even want to save someone who has been falling for so long? I am not sure. But I most defiantly have been falling for a very long time. And the one person whom I have counted on through everything is gone.
_____Not even my own sister will catch me.
_____Man, it is so cold. My heart is even slowing to an unhealthy rate. I feel my organs shutting down, until they stop all together. My heart rate is almost nothing. I feel nothing.
_____The ground is so close now; I can almost smell the rocks. Yeah, I can smell the rocks.
_____It is almost over. Everything. I can feel it.
_____Death is coming, finally. After all of this shit that I have had to deal with. It is almost here. Finally.
_____I hit the ground, with a powerful blow. Pain ripples though my body. My face is smashed in. My arms are broken is a million different places. My legs are covered in red blood, though I have no idea where the wound is because I cannot feel. I know that I have broken some ribs, but which ones?
_____Why am I not dead yet? Why do I simply see the brown dirt that surrounds me? Why have I yet not been taken the Grim?
_____I manage to roll over, on my back. I am looking to the sky. The blue sky comforts me somewhat. The warm sun is bright, making me squint for a few moments. I see one cloud, which looks like a rubber duck. I used to spend house looking at the clouds, figuring out what pictures I would see. Today, it is just the rubber duck. I smile for the first time in a long time.
_____Suddenly, my body warms from the sun. Quickly I feel the pain from the strike of the ground. I glance down, and notice that rocks are poking out of my torso. Sharp, painful rocks. I let out a cry, when I realize that many of my ribs are broken.
_____Such pain. Such awful pain. I cry again, when my vision goes black by me passing out from agony.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Just Die Already