Suicide Note

I wipe the tears from my cheeks, and exhale sharply. Is it over? Did she kill herself? Oh my God...
My hands shake and I slowly turn the page. I pray over and over again that there is another entry, just so that I know the Suicide Girl hasn't killed herself yet.
Well, not yet in her time. If that makes sense.
I see words on the next page, and quickly shut the notebook. A new set of tears pours from my cheeks.
"Oh God," I say.
This is terrible. This poor Suicide Girl. Why is this happening? Why her? I don't understand.
I sob into my monkey pillow, making sure that my mother can't hear me. This pain, I can feel it bleeding through these pages. So much pain I can't even stand it anymore. It’s affecting me so much…
I have to get rid of the notebook. I don't care if the Suicide Girl kills herself. I don't care if she's even alive.
I never have, so why should I change just because I found this notebook?
I shouldn't.
But where to depose of it? The kitchen trash? No, mom would see it and think that it was mine. That would be utterly terrible.
I know! Tomorrow, when I go to school, I will toss it into the trash. No one will even find it.
But until then? I can't even stand to look at this notebook anymore.
I stand up quickly and grab the book. I run over to my closet and toss the notebook inside. I slam the door.
My cheeks are burning red. My pillow is soaked. My makeup is running.
I am a mess. I have to get cleaned up before Vince gets here.
Vince!
Oh my God, I totally forgot about Vince. I look to the clock on my wall. He will be here in like, fifteen minutes!
Should I tell him? Would it even be worth it? I'm throwing it away, so maybe there's no point to tell him about the notebook. No, there isn't a point.
I wipe my cheeks and eyes again.

"Hey, babe," Vince kisses my cheek as he walks though the door.
"Hi," I say in a cheery voice.
We walk up to my bedroom, my mother eying us suspiciously the whole way.
I sit on my bed as Vince shuts the door. He sits next to me.
"So, what's going on?" Vince asks.
I smile. "I just wanted to see you,"
He raises an eyebrow. "Bull shit," He calls my bluff.
But I press the lie. "What? Can't a girl miss her boyfriend?"
Vince sighs. "Yeah, she can. But I know that you're lying to me. You were acting very weird today at school, and then when you were crying on the phone I panicked. You never cry on the phone. Babe, it freaked the shit out of me."
I look down at the soft pink sheets on my bed, remembering the call.
Vince raises my head with his hand. Our gaze meets. I stare into his chocolate brown eyes, fear erupting though them.
I need to come up with a lie quick, one that Vince will understand.
"I-I saw Him again," I choke out. It is the most painful lie that I have ever told in my life. Tears flow from my eyes, from my memories and the fact that I am lying to Vince.
"Babe," He says softly.
"I fell asleep when I got home, cause' I wasn't feeling well at school. That's why I was acting weird. And I saw him in my dreams, again," I sob.
Vince wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair with his hands. "Don't worry. He's gone," He says those words repeatedly, much like he does when I actually see Him. "It was a long time ago. Don't worry,"
But I do. And even lying about Him brings back the painful memories of the three day that I was locked in that bathroom.
Him, Frances Londers.