(This Tour Is) Warped in the Head...

I stepped out of my car into the hot mid- June weather. Ah, warped tour season… nothing in the world like it. I grinned and made my way over to the line of busses. It was around 9 and I saw no signs of people. I clicked my tongue in a very valley-esque way as I scanned the grounds. I was about to whip out my phone and demand where my minions were when I was tackled to the ground by Alex Gaskarth.

“Pete! Long time no see!” he squealed, keeping me in a bone crushing hug.

“Lexy! I know right? I missed you!” I squealed back, hugging him harder. He glared at me and squeezed tighter, but I wouldn’t lose.

Let’s face it- I’m Pete Wentz- I don’t lose anything… even if it is an unofficial ‘seewhocansqueezethelivingcrapoutoftheirfriendfirst’ contest. Finally, he made a noise somewhere between a choke, gasp, and ‘eep’ and I let him out of my vice grip. Funny thing? He doesn’t like to lose either… I smirked.

“Are the rest here?” I asked as he rubbed his sides with a pout.

“Only Me and Jack. Zach got up late and Rian opted to drive him,” he explained, still trying to recover his breath. I smiled at himdevilishly. I’m sure he’d love what I had in store. Jack soon appeared behind Alex- slurping a giant speedway squishie (that Alex had no doubt bought him after much whining on Jack’s part) obnoxiously.

“Hola Pepe!” He grinned, showing his red stained teeth from the cherry slurpie.

“Hey Jack what’s up?”

“The sky,” he answered simply, taking another loud slurp. Alex smiled and rolled his eyes. “This one ours?” the black haired boy proceeded to ask, grinning hugely again. I nodded, smirk adorning my face as I leaned against the bus in question. Jack squealed and ran up into the bus almost dropping his slurpie. Alex sighed and shook his head, smiling slightly. Pfft, he acts so mature now but we all know if this interaction was happening sometime after noon, he’d be doing the exact same thing.

“We the Kings is here,” he nodded to the space behind me. I spun around to see my beloved red head.

“Travis!” I squealed like a fan girl, bouncing from foot to foot and resisting the urge to jump on him.

“Oh, thanks Pete. Now I feel so left out,” a sarcastic Hispanic voice flowed from a direction just out of my sight.

“Wow Gabe, I’m surprised you dragged your lazy ass out of bed this early,” I smirked, putting my hands on my hips and rolling my eyes to the sky sarcastically.

“Anything for you Wentz…” he licked his lips suggestively, leaning up against the nearest bus.

“Anyone seen The Academy Is…? Or Gym Class Heros?” Travis asked, breaking the stare down between Gabe and I.

“Nope. I can’t say I have,” Sisky’s voice stated, walking up from behind a bus. Damn these people are coming out of the wood work! I turned to Sisky with a smile, intending to greet him, but when I looked back at Gabe, he was gone. Needless to say I was slightly confused… After a few minutes of mingling and mobs of teen boys (and Vickey) forming around the lot, William walked up- being the last of the TAIs to show. Gabe reappeared suspiciously after.

“Ok… people… YO! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I yelled, getting everyone’s attention. God, doing scream-o really helps at times like this. “We still need Gym Class and Panic. Anyone have a sighting or here from these groups yet?” I asked, perking back up to my hyper self.

“Last I checked Trav is on the way, but someone got hungry so they made a McDonalds stop,” Gabe said examining his nails, looking only slightly pissy.

“Hmm… well then fine. Someone can fill all of them in later… or something…” I grumbled slightly. But it’s ok. Mostly everyone important to my scheme is present… mostly. No one seemed to ask why Panic was on Warped. “Dear Gentlemen… and Vickey-T… this season I have devised a totally fool proof scheme to advertize, super-size, and start some friendly competition on this tour of the Gods…”

Without realizing it, I had started pacing and making hand gestures as I monologued about the fiendish brilliance of my plan and how I needed to take matters into my own hands because Warped just isn’t as big as it used to be. A few people were snickering. I snapped my head up and glared. Everyone shut up… until I started talking and moving again, still making grand gestures to prove my points. People started to laugh harder. I stopped moving, glaring harder. I slowly started again… and so did the giggles. I felt the steam seep from my head as I glared ahead of me, getting mighty pissed. The crown laughed uproariously. I opened my mouth as if to start speaking again, putting my finger in the air for good measure, but just as I knew the laughing was going to start I whipped around quickly and found myself face to face with none other than Brendon Urie. He broke into a blush and smiled sheepishly, dropping the hand that he had just been mimicking me with to his side.

“We’re here,” he chuckled softly in a nervous tone. I was making an angry face. Still inches from his face I jabbed my finger at the crowd of Warpers. He pouted and joined them.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…” I sighed, not letting on that I was defeated and my momentum was lost and shamelessly mocked, “Bottom line people- we are having a,” I stole a glance at the word scrawled on my palm, “slashfest.”

“Huh!?” Thearmy crowd of boys in front of me all had about the same reaction.

“Look, almost all fangirls read or write fan fiction. They prey off of rock star gay love! The rules are simple: the first pair to get the most publicity (IE youtube videos, blogs, fan fics, anything of that sort) wins! In doing this we’ll attract the biggest Warped crowd this tour has seen since Fall Out Boy rocked it in ’02! Oh, and one more thing? It has to be really believable. This is not on stage fun and games. This is a lifestyle change. Out of the closet and into the spotlight relationships. This makes leaking any of this punishable to the full extent of my power… Any questions?” I smirked with my hands on my hips. First there was silence. Deadly thick silence. Then came the uproar. I couldn’t make out any of the yelling.

“Don’t you think people will find it a little strange that a bunch of guys on the same tour all suddenly decide that their gay and are coming out of the closet? At the same time?” Travis’s voice asked skeptically over the rabble. An agreeing noise rose from the crowd.

“If one couple comes out, the others will feel they are safe and can follow suit,” I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. The boys in front of me were silent again. “Claim your couples! Do your thing! Get Warped bitches!” I finished, turning on my heel and walking away.

Diva? Shit. Do you Remember who I am? I can get away with it.