There's Still This Appeal

I pulled my hood up as I exited the bus, I didn't want certain band members to recognize me, which would be hard because I was going to get lunch with the crew and bands. Meg was at my side pestering me about my argument with Casey. "I don't want to talk about this." She nodded and pressed on "this is about the baby you lost?" I stopped walking it had almost bee five years since it happened and yet everytime everyone brought up Aiden I felt like my lungs were being squeezed. I took a deep breath to try and feel better, it helped but only slightly I decided to just pretend nothing was wrong, I nodded and continued walking. Meg's eyes widened, "one of the FOB guys is the dad!" I looked at my feet I hate the way that I walk, one foot is straight and the other points inward a little, it has always annoyed me, I used to try and walk with both feet pointing straight ahead but it made me look stupid so I stopped. "Answer me!" she exclaimed, I continued to stare at my feet but nodded, "yes but I don't want to see them, not now. It hurt too much to leave and I was just getting my life together." She wrapped her arms around me "don't worry your secret is safe with me. Now come on let's get some lunch"

We piled our trays with as much food as we could, I looked down afraid that someone would notice me. I saw someone waving at me I looked up and rolled my eyes at Casey I still wasn't on speaking terms with him. I noticed Dirty the guy that helped out with the merch last night waving at us I smiled and quickly walked over to him and sat down, "hi dirty." He nodded "sup guys, this is Tyson" I turned my attention to Tyson Ritter I smiled, "Hi I'm Ja-uh Eli and this is Megan." He winked at me and pointed at Meg's plate "hey where'd you get a muffin they said there weren't anymore." She shrugged "I guess I've got the hook up" "Can I have it"? He asked reaching for it. She picked it up and licked the top of it, "still want it?" He frowned "That was mean you could have given me half, you're an evil muffin overlord!" She shrugged. I handed him my cookie he smiled, "I like you, I shall call you cookie" I smiled, "okay do you mind if I call you Ty?" He shook his head, "Nah but I'd prefer if you called me a sex god." I rolled my eyes and watched as a guy with longidh straight hair and a goofy grin sat down ,"Hey I'm Nick sorry if Ty was bothering you I lost him and figured he'd be harassing pretty girls." Megan smiled and instantly started a conversation with this guy, I stared into my salad thinking about how everything was going to change I was friends with megan because she knew nothing of my past and now she knew and I was being sucked into reliving everything and wondering if leaving was a huge mistake. A hand waving in my face brought me back into reality I looked up, "what?" "I was just asking if you had a boyfriend" I shook my head, "nope I'm flying solo for now." He grinned "so do you...Hey Tricky-doodles over here!" I looked over at the person Tyson was waving at and practically choked on my sandwich, "I've gotta go!" I jumped out of the chair and ran.

I climbed onto the bus and into my bunk I curled up into a ball and let the tears fall as my thoughts moved a mile a minute. Casey lied...Meg knows my past...Kristi is mad at me...Patrick almost spotted me...Tyson almost asked me out...Pete called me a whore the last time he saw me...my parents tried to send me away when I told them I was pregnant...The first time I kissed Patrick...The first time we had sex, and Joe's reaction when I called him and told him because Kristi wasn't home...The first I love you..."I served out my detention and in the end I got an honorable mention"...Aiden Died...Patrick's teary face. I couldn't take it I was just starting to move on with my life and everything was flooding back I just wanted to stop crying before anyone came to look for me.