Hannah and Devi Face-Off

Dear Samantha
Dear Sammie
Dear Sam,

I know you'll probably hate me even more after you finish reading this for not saying it till now and not saying it in person, but I didn't know what else to do. You won’t answer my calls or my texts and I’ve been to your house at least ten times, but you’re never there. Just as well I guess. I could never face you after everything that happened.

You have to believe me, Sammie. I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to tell you, I did. I just couldn’t be the one to bring you that much pain. You mean more to me than anything. I know I'm too late now, but I hope one day you can forgive me and one day we can maybe be friends again. Until then, as much as it will hurt me to be apart from you, I think it will be best if I give you your space. So I'm going on tour with my brother and his band and after that I'll be moving back to New Jersey for whatever time I have left. I think I need to be home now, and New Jersey was always where we were happiest. I think I need that right now.

I just want you to know that I will never forget you. I will never forget all those times we would sit up in your tree house, hiding away from the world, just happy to be together. And I'll always remember how we would team up against Nick and Kevin, and how we would sneak out together at night, swimming in your pool when your mom was on another business trip. My memories with you are the best ones I have. No matter what we did, I always had fun because I was with you.

But the truth is, Sam. I’m dying. I know I should have told you when I found out. I have no excuse for why I did not, except that I was trying to protect you. And I now understand that that wasn’t my decision to make, but what if the roles were reversed? Would you not try to shield me as well? God gave everyone 2 arms and 2 legs and 2 ears and 2 eyes, but only 1 heart so they could find the other. You’re my other. I’m only sorry mine wasn’t strong enough to make it forever.

I know I promised to give you space, but I hope you forgive me soon. I know it’s not really fair to put you through this, but if you’re with me, I can go in peace. It’s not fair because before I met you, I ran from love all my life. But when I finally found love, true love, when I found you, life decided to run from me.

I know that when I last saw you, you told me to enjoy the rest of my life. But I can't. I could never do that without you. And I could never find anyone who could compare to you, Sam. No girl in this world could ever mean the same to me as you. The way you make me feel, I just can’t describe it. I just know that I’ve never felt it with anyone but you. You believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. You showed me there was more to life than just living. I never realized how much of me is from you. But I would never have it any other way, because I need you, more than you’ll ever know. I didn’t know I was lost until I found you.

I went to the ice rink today with Nick. So you remember that night we snuck in after it closed? And spent half the night skating and then freezing our butts off laying on the ice? I’ll never forget that night. Because that was the night I realized I love you, and I have loved you ever since. I don’t know why I went today, except that maybe at the end you start thinking about the beginning. I know my end is coming sooner than either of us expected when I promised you forever, but until my very last breath, you have to believe that your name is in every beat of my weak heart.

I remember when you once quotes something to me. You said not to go where the path follows, but to instead go where there is no path and leave a trail. That’s what I’m going to do, Sam. What I feel for you, maybe I can never understand it. But sometimes, maybe you don’t need to understand. Maybe you don’t need to think it through and follow whatever comes. Maybe sometimes you just have to jump and hope for someone to catch you. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to do what seems easy anymore. I’m going to jump, Sam. I hope I see you at the bottom.

No matter what happened, you’re the one for me.

Yours till my last breath,
Joe