Farewell to Shady Glade
02
I awoke the next morning, or whatever time it was, on the floor of the van. The most I could decipher was that we were moving. I sat up, feeling immediate head rush, and a sick feeling in my mouth. I shook my head and blinked my eyes, trying to remember the night before. Everything came in patches, everything was a blur, but I remembered the distinct feeling of Shayley's lips on my own, and I groaned at myself. "Awake, eh?" someone said from the driver's seat. It was Jaxin, and he was the only one awake at the moment besides me.
"Hi Jax." I said and he smiled at me through the rearview mirror. I looked around at the bodies laying next to me in blankets, and saw that Phil was sprawled out on the furthest seat from me, Tino on the seat closest, and Jerry and Shayley on the floor on either side of me. I shimmied as far as I could away from the sleeping bodies, and finally made it to the passenger's seat next to Jaxin. He looked over to me and stared for a minute, then kept his eyes on the road.
"So about last night." He said in whispers. I looked out the window and away from him, trying not to think too hard on it.
"What about it?" I said, in the most nonchalant voice I could muster.
"You got pretty botted. Tino told me he saw you kiss Shay." He said, no beating around the bush with Jaxin. I sighed and looked back at Jaxin, just to see him looking at me. He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look that said "you know I know, so just come out with it." I sighed again and looked away from him.
"Yeah." Was all I said after minutes of just the familiar sounds of the car running. He didn't say anything, and neither did I.
"What now?" he asked me after miles of road flew past us.
"What now indeed." I said, more to myself then to Jaxin.
Something that came with ease was drama in my life. From my parents splitting when I was young, to my mother dealing with alcoholism, to my father being thrown in jail. Nothing was out of the norm for the life of Christine White, but the drama of love and relationships was something that I could not deal with. Feeling anything more then the common friendship put my mind into flips of paranoia and overly emotional states. So, dealing with Shayley, in general, was something I was not used to, let alone could deal with on my own. However, dealing with things alone was my specialty.
We reached the venue before any of the rest of the guys woke up, and I was glad for it. Jaxin and I got out of the van just before they all started to stir, and I went directly inside, hoping to avoid any confrontation with any of them. Snide remarks from Jerry, sarcastic ones from Tino and Phil, and just dealing with Shayley wasn't anything I wanted to deal with this early in the morning, let alone at all. The rest of the bands techs were inside, checking the venue, seeing angles for equipment, but my job was the last thing from my mind.
I was young, only nineteen, and that was young for me. The rest of the guys were all near their mid-twenties, and I was the youngest on the tour. Being the youngest, and the only girl, did not help for my mindset. I had never gone through the motions of having a significant other; there wasn't any ever time in my life for one before. Trying to help my mother through her alcoholism, and help my brothers just live, took up all the time I had in my life. So, all in all, Shayley was the first thing I had ever come close to in having someone to "be with." In all honesty, it scared the shit out of me.
The show was starting, and I was side stage, watching for any complications in their set. My day consisted of me going to a secluded enough area that no one would find me. My phone was left in the van, the only thing I had with me the whole day was my mp3 player and notebook. My personal day was taken at the time I needed it to be taken, and it was much needed. I watched from Jaxin and Phil's side of the stage, waiting for something to be thrown, waiting for a cord to unhook itself, but nothing ever happened. Shayley looked over to me during Second & Sebring, and sang his heart out, only looking at me. I watched him, not taking my eyes from his as he did this, and he finally turned his body full forward and sang to the crowd. I still made him feel uneasy, which made me confident in my next moves, whatever those were.
Someone wrapped their arms around my shoulders as I walked out of the venue. I spun around, as much as I could with someone hanging on me, and saw that it was Shayley. I froze in my attempts to get him off of me. He smiled at me, his eyes a lit with some joy I was unaware of. "Hey!" he exclaimed in my face. I was very surprised when I didn't smell alcohol on his breath. I laughed at him, breathless from the adrenaline of a possible stranger latching themselves on me, and pulled him off of me. He pouted, making puppy dog eyes at me, and I looked away. Shayley's eyes could hold anyone captive if he wanted. He walked in stride with me, towards the van, opening the van door for me and I climbed inside. I lay down on the middle seat, hoping that would keep Shayley at arms length away from me, but he didn't. He lifted my legs and sat down on the seat with me, putting them back in his lap.
"What is up with you?" I asked aloud, sitting upright and away from him. He looked over to me as I looked out the window at the buildings around us. He came closer to me, the shift of the seat and just the feel of his body indicated that.
"Chris." He said my name, one word, and I looked over to him. He was right in my face, inches from it, breathing on me. I tried to back my head up, give myself some personal space, but his hand was at the back of my head before I could move. We sat there, staring into one another's eyes, and he opened his mouth. For what reason, I didn't know. I was scared of what he was going to do next. He sighed and let go of me, moving away from me, and exiting the van.
The tension between Shayley and I was unbearable. Everyone around us knew about the kiss, everyone around us talked, everyone but us. The few days following the kiss made me want to leave the tour, pack up and head back to California to a broken home and my family. As much as I wanted to leave, I knew it would break me. Not seeing Shayley, not seeing the guys, would be harder then dealing with the simple tension of a harmless kiss. Was it harmless? I had loved the boy more then I knew what to do with it, but that was exactly it. I had no idea what to do with it.
"Hi Jax." I said and he smiled at me through the rearview mirror. I looked around at the bodies laying next to me in blankets, and saw that Phil was sprawled out on the furthest seat from me, Tino on the seat closest, and Jerry and Shayley on the floor on either side of me. I shimmied as far as I could away from the sleeping bodies, and finally made it to the passenger's seat next to Jaxin. He looked over to me and stared for a minute, then kept his eyes on the road.
"So about last night." He said in whispers. I looked out the window and away from him, trying not to think too hard on it.
"What about it?" I said, in the most nonchalant voice I could muster.
"You got pretty botted. Tino told me he saw you kiss Shay." He said, no beating around the bush with Jaxin. I sighed and looked back at Jaxin, just to see him looking at me. He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look that said "you know I know, so just come out with it." I sighed again and looked away from him.
"Yeah." Was all I said after minutes of just the familiar sounds of the car running. He didn't say anything, and neither did I.
"What now?" he asked me after miles of road flew past us.
"What now indeed." I said, more to myself then to Jaxin.
Something that came with ease was drama in my life. From my parents splitting when I was young, to my mother dealing with alcoholism, to my father being thrown in jail. Nothing was out of the norm for the life of Christine White, but the drama of love and relationships was something that I could not deal with. Feeling anything more then the common friendship put my mind into flips of paranoia and overly emotional states. So, dealing with Shayley, in general, was something I was not used to, let alone could deal with on my own. However, dealing with things alone was my specialty.
We reached the venue before any of the rest of the guys woke up, and I was glad for it. Jaxin and I got out of the van just before they all started to stir, and I went directly inside, hoping to avoid any confrontation with any of them. Snide remarks from Jerry, sarcastic ones from Tino and Phil, and just dealing with Shayley wasn't anything I wanted to deal with this early in the morning, let alone at all. The rest of the bands techs were inside, checking the venue, seeing angles for equipment, but my job was the last thing from my mind.
I was young, only nineteen, and that was young for me. The rest of the guys were all near their mid-twenties, and I was the youngest on the tour. Being the youngest, and the only girl, did not help for my mindset. I had never gone through the motions of having a significant other; there wasn't any ever time in my life for one before. Trying to help my mother through her alcoholism, and help my brothers just live, took up all the time I had in my life. So, all in all, Shayley was the first thing I had ever come close to in having someone to "be with." In all honesty, it scared the shit out of me.
The show was starting, and I was side stage, watching for any complications in their set. My day consisted of me going to a secluded enough area that no one would find me. My phone was left in the van, the only thing I had with me the whole day was my mp3 player and notebook. My personal day was taken at the time I needed it to be taken, and it was much needed. I watched from Jaxin and Phil's side of the stage, waiting for something to be thrown, waiting for a cord to unhook itself, but nothing ever happened. Shayley looked over to me during Second & Sebring, and sang his heart out, only looking at me. I watched him, not taking my eyes from his as he did this, and he finally turned his body full forward and sang to the crowd. I still made him feel uneasy, which made me confident in my next moves, whatever those were.
Someone wrapped their arms around my shoulders as I walked out of the venue. I spun around, as much as I could with someone hanging on me, and saw that it was Shayley. I froze in my attempts to get him off of me. He smiled at me, his eyes a lit with some joy I was unaware of. "Hey!" he exclaimed in my face. I was very surprised when I didn't smell alcohol on his breath. I laughed at him, breathless from the adrenaline of a possible stranger latching themselves on me, and pulled him off of me. He pouted, making puppy dog eyes at me, and I looked away. Shayley's eyes could hold anyone captive if he wanted. He walked in stride with me, towards the van, opening the van door for me and I climbed inside. I lay down on the middle seat, hoping that would keep Shayley at arms length away from me, but he didn't. He lifted my legs and sat down on the seat with me, putting them back in his lap.
"What is up with you?" I asked aloud, sitting upright and away from him. He looked over to me as I looked out the window at the buildings around us. He came closer to me, the shift of the seat and just the feel of his body indicated that.
"Chris." He said my name, one word, and I looked over to him. He was right in my face, inches from it, breathing on me. I tried to back my head up, give myself some personal space, but his hand was at the back of my head before I could move. We sat there, staring into one another's eyes, and he opened his mouth. For what reason, I didn't know. I was scared of what he was going to do next. He sighed and let go of me, moving away from me, and exiting the van.
The tension between Shayley and I was unbearable. Everyone around us knew about the kiss, everyone around us talked, everyone but us. The few days following the kiss made me want to leave the tour, pack up and head back to California to a broken home and my family. As much as I wanted to leave, I knew it would break me. Not seeing Shayley, not seeing the guys, would be harder then dealing with the simple tension of a harmless kiss. Was it harmless? I had loved the boy more then I knew what to do with it, but that was exactly it. I had no idea what to do with it.