The Truth
2/2.
“I’m really sorry about the whole film thing,” Teddy apologized for the millionth time. I shook my head,laughing a little. Sure, I had clung to him the entire time and hid behind his shoulder,but it wasn’t the worst date I’d ever been on.
“Really, Teddy. It’s fine,” I replied for the millionth time. “I picked the film, it was my fault.” He shook his head, rubbing his cheek and then making a face like he wasn’t expecting to feel the smoothness that was there. I kind of wanted to mention that he didn’t have to shave for a date, I never really understood why guys thought they had to...some girls might not have been a fan of the whole facial hair thing, but a little bit of scruff to me was pretty cute.
“You know, you’re kinda cute with the scruff,” I stated. “Not that you’re not cute now!” I added quickly,knowing I was digging myself in deeper and blushing. I sort of had this thing I said things before I fully think it through. He smiled thoughtfully, raising his hand up to rub his face again.
“My brother made me shave,”he told me, “Said girls don’t like scruff. ‘Full beard or nothing,’ if I remember correctly. But if he tries to again, I’ll just tell him you prefer it that way. It’ll shut him up.” Teddy smiled down at me, making me smile back when our eyes locked. I looked away, pushing up my bra strap as it slid off my shoulder, rubbing my arm in an attempt to stay warm. It was cold tonight, but it wasn’t a huge deal; wasn’t like it was snowing.
“Full beards irk me,” I told him, looking down at my feet. “But I don’t mind scruff. Prefer it most of the time.”
“I don’t think I could grow a full beard,” he sighed. “I could, if I wanted to. But I don’t want to,” he went on. “I think it’d bother me. Don’t know why, but I’m just sure it would.” I chuckled a little, looking up for a second to see where I was going before looking back down at my feet.
“I don’t think I’d look good with a full beard,” I joked, biting my lip. I always the most lame jokes and had this habit of making anything awkward. I killed things, in a way, which was why immediately after I said that, I regretted it. So much for a second date. Alex would kill me when she found out I was making my stupid jokes again.
“What are you talking about?”Teddy laughed, “You’d look better with a beard than I would!” He paused for a second and I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. His eyes got wide and he shook his head quickly.
“Oh no! I didn’t mean it like that! I was joking and...” he babbled, trailing off. “You know I was joking,right?” I smiled at him, nodding.
“Yeah, I figured as much. I don’t think you’re that mean, that you’d be serious when you said that,” I said, giggling quietly. He eased up, chuckling a little himself.
“Good,” he sighed. I shook my head, looking around. We were nearing the building I lived in, and I hadn’t even noticed we were even walking towards it in the first place. Must have been subconsciously leading in that direction or whatever. After we went to the cinema,we had headed to the coffee shop and it was just force of habit that when I left work, I went to the right.
“And...” I sighed.“This is where I live,” I stated. I glanced down at the watch on my wrist, amazed that it still worked. It was passed down from generation to generation and it was just part of my routine to put it on, even though I use my phone to check the time. It was a little late,but it wasn’t too late. It was only ten.
“I’ll...uh. See you tomorrow then?” he asked hopefully, letting me lead the way up the stairs to the door. I nodded,digging around my pants pocket for my keys.
“I’ll be there with your mocha latte before you even get there,” I told him. “I promise you that.” He smiled, shrugging.
“Sounds good to me, as long as it’ll still be hot when I get there,” he replied. I nodded slowly, pulling my keys out of my pocket.
“I think that can be arranged,” I said, looking up at him. “I had a really nice time tonight,” I informed quietly, mentally smacking myself for saying that. Could I really be any more cliché? He nodded, looking from the door to me.
“I did too,” he said. “Maybe we could do this again sometime?” I smiled, nodding.
“I’d really like that,” I said truthfully. He smiled, rubbing his cheek for a moment. I looked down at my keys, turning them over in my hand slowly before looking back up at him. All of a sudden, his lips were on mine. I was stunned for a fraction of a second before I kissed him back. Just as suddenly as his lips were there, they were gone.
“Night,” he said quietly.
“Night,” I repeated, leaning against the door while I watched him go down the stairs and down the street.
______
A year earlier…
When I woke up, the bed I was in was empty. Well, there was one less person in there than there had been last night when I fell asleep. I yawned, opening my eyes slowly as to not burn them with light, but still no signs.
“Fuck!”
I sat up quickly, throwing the covers off and shivering. I shot out of bed, tugging at the pair of Teddy’s boxers that I used as shorts when I slept over, sprinting out of his bedroom to see what he was shouting about. I stopped short in the kitchen, taking a look around before bursting out into laughter.
“I…Itried making you breakfast,” he informed, wiping a batter of some sort off his face. I giggled a little more, taking a while to get it under control, shaking my head. I reached up, wiping more batter off of his cheek.
“You made a mess,” I giggled.He chuckled a little, putting the spoon in the sink, continuing to wipe it off himself.
“Noticed.” I bit my lip,looking around, “What’s the special occasion though?” Teddy sighed, taking my hand, his large one covering my smaller one in more batter, pulling me out into the living room, sitting the both of us down on the couch.
“Well, I uh...” he trailed off,making a face. “I just found out that we’re touring again,” he mumbled, half smiling, his fingers now fumbling with mine to lace them together. I frowned,before forcing a small smile. This was huge for him but…
“It feels like you just got back,” I mumbled, “And now you’re leaving again?” He sighed heavily, squeezing my hands.
“I’m sorry,” he said in an honest voice, “Ily, I swear I am.” I shook my head.
“I know, I know,” I said quietly, “But I just feel like I’m losing you.” It was his turn to frown now, and sigh. He let go of my hands, pulling me close and hugging me tightly.
“I’m sorry, Ily,” he repeated, “I promise, as soon as I get back, make it up to you.” I smiled,twisting around a little so I could see his face and kissed him.
“I know.”
He stood up, holding out a finger before heading to the bedroom I just came out of. I sat on the couch,curious to know what he was doing when he came back out with a black box in his hand. He sat down, handing it to me.”This is for you.”
“I figured,” I chuckled, looking at the box. “What is it?” I asked stupidly.
“You could just open it,” he suggested. “Just something to remind you that I still care,” he added, giving me a nervous smile. I bit my lip, opening it to see a small crystal heart shaped pendant on a sliver chain. I smiled, looking up at him.
“It’s beautiful,” I said breathlessly. “Thank you.”
_____
Ten months earlier…
“When are you coming back?” I asked for the ten millionth time, running my hand through my hair. This was all things were between me and Teddy these days; phonecalls and the same question, ‘when are you coming back?’
I hardly ever saw him these days. He was always touring or off doing something or other. And when he wasn’t? Things still weren’t the same. He was always on his phone or something.It was getting harder and harder to be with him.
“Soon, Ily,” he told me again, “Just a couple more days and then I’m all yours.” I bit my lip, feeling the same conversation coming on that we’ve been having over and over again.
“Promise?” I asked.
“Promise, I…” he replied, and he got cut off by someone else on the other side.“Ily, I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay, bye Teddy,” I mumbled,frowning.
“Bye, Ily.” I hung up before he could, sighing again. I tossed my phone at the couch, running my hands through my hair. This so wasn’t fair, what had I done that warranted losing my boyfriend to this? Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for him and proud of him,but he and I had just gotten so distant. It hurt this had even happened, us falling apart the way we were, but I knew we were trying to make this work. I would stay up late and wait for him to call, and there were times he’d give up going out after the shows to talk to me.
It was hell. I loved him. But it was hell.
____
Eight months earlier…
After I left, I went for a walk. Where I was going, I wasn’t entirely sure, but it was better than staying there and getting ignored. It was cold and I wish I had grabbed something heavier than the sweatshirt that I was wearing. I had to find somewhere warm to be, and it had to be soon or I was sure to freeze to death.
I looked around, biting my lip as I tried to figure out where I was. When my eyes fell onto the street signs, I knew exactly where I was. I started jogging for the end of the street,heading for a house on the corner. The house in question was a lively light blue, though the paint was starting to peel. The garden out front was nicely kept, though at this time of year, it was completely bare. Even so,it didn’t look like a bunch of dead sticks.
I headed up the porch steps,biting my lip again before giving up and panting. It was tiring running an entire street. I knocked on the front door, debating whether or not I should just walk in. Just when I went to grab the doorknob, it opened.
“Ily?”
“Hi, Mum,” I said quietly. “Can I come in? It’s freezing out.” She nodded, stepping aside and ushering me in.
“Yes, yes, of course,” my mother said hurriedly, letting me in. “Where’s Teddy?” I bit my lip, sighing. What was I going to say?
“We broke up,” I stated after a moment. She frowned and headed for the kitchen, talking about how she was going to make me a cup of tea, how there was chocolate for me if I wanted, and how much better off I’d be without him.
Truth was…I had been without him for a lot longer than an hour.
_____
Present day…
I continued to glare at the now ice cold cup of coffee, checking the time on my phone again. I couldn’t believe he didn’t show up. He was supposed to have been here an hour and a half ago. I glanced up at the counter again, making a displeased face at Alex who mirrored it.
“Why don’t you just go home?”she suggested. I nodded, bringing the cup over to the counter before pulling on my jacket, putting on my scarf and tucking the ends in my jacket.
“I still can’t believe this,”I sighed, more to myself than to her. “I’ll see you later then?” I asked,turning around to face her. She nodded, taking my cup.
“I’ll bring lots of chocolates,” she informed, and a pause before she added. “I’m sorry, Ily.” I shook my head.
“Don’t be,” I told her. “I guess this just wasn’t meant to be.” I sighed again before waving at her and heading out of the coffee shop. I looked around, in spite of everything my mind was telling me, to see if he was there, saw he wasn’t, and continued on my way home.
I wasn’t going to put myself through this anymore.
“Really, Teddy. It’s fine,” I replied for the millionth time. “I picked the film, it was my fault.” He shook his head, rubbing his cheek and then making a face like he wasn’t expecting to feel the smoothness that was there. I kind of wanted to mention that he didn’t have to shave for a date, I never really understood why guys thought they had to...some girls might not have been a fan of the whole facial hair thing, but a little bit of scruff to me was pretty cute.
“You know, you’re kinda cute with the scruff,” I stated. “Not that you’re not cute now!” I added quickly,knowing I was digging myself in deeper and blushing. I sort of had this thing I said things before I fully think it through. He smiled thoughtfully, raising his hand up to rub his face again.
“My brother made me shave,”he told me, “Said girls don’t like scruff. ‘Full beard or nothing,’ if I remember correctly. But if he tries to again, I’ll just tell him you prefer it that way. It’ll shut him up.” Teddy smiled down at me, making me smile back when our eyes locked. I looked away, pushing up my bra strap as it slid off my shoulder, rubbing my arm in an attempt to stay warm. It was cold tonight, but it wasn’t a huge deal; wasn’t like it was snowing.
“Full beards irk me,” I told him, looking down at my feet. “But I don’t mind scruff. Prefer it most of the time.”
“I don’t think I could grow a full beard,” he sighed. “I could, if I wanted to. But I don’t want to,” he went on. “I think it’d bother me. Don’t know why, but I’m just sure it would.” I chuckled a little, looking up for a second to see where I was going before looking back down at my feet.
“I don’t think I’d look good with a full beard,” I joked, biting my lip. I always the most lame jokes and had this habit of making anything awkward. I killed things, in a way, which was why immediately after I said that, I regretted it. So much for a second date. Alex would kill me when she found out I was making my stupid jokes again.
“What are you talking about?”Teddy laughed, “You’d look better with a beard than I would!” He paused for a second and I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. His eyes got wide and he shook his head quickly.
“Oh no! I didn’t mean it like that! I was joking and...” he babbled, trailing off. “You know I was joking,right?” I smiled at him, nodding.
“Yeah, I figured as much. I don’t think you’re that mean, that you’d be serious when you said that,” I said, giggling quietly. He eased up, chuckling a little himself.
“Good,” he sighed. I shook my head, looking around. We were nearing the building I lived in, and I hadn’t even noticed we were even walking towards it in the first place. Must have been subconsciously leading in that direction or whatever. After we went to the cinema,we had headed to the coffee shop and it was just force of habit that when I left work, I went to the right.
“And...” I sighed.“This is where I live,” I stated. I glanced down at the watch on my wrist, amazed that it still worked. It was passed down from generation to generation and it was just part of my routine to put it on, even though I use my phone to check the time. It was a little late,but it wasn’t too late. It was only ten.
“I’ll...uh. See you tomorrow then?” he asked hopefully, letting me lead the way up the stairs to the door. I nodded,digging around my pants pocket for my keys.
“I’ll be there with your mocha latte before you even get there,” I told him. “I promise you that.” He smiled, shrugging.
“Sounds good to me, as long as it’ll still be hot when I get there,” he replied. I nodded slowly, pulling my keys out of my pocket.
“I think that can be arranged,” I said, looking up at him. “I had a really nice time tonight,” I informed quietly, mentally smacking myself for saying that. Could I really be any more cliché? He nodded, looking from the door to me.
“I did too,” he said. “Maybe we could do this again sometime?” I smiled, nodding.
“I’d really like that,” I said truthfully. He smiled, rubbing his cheek for a moment. I looked down at my keys, turning them over in my hand slowly before looking back up at him. All of a sudden, his lips were on mine. I was stunned for a fraction of a second before I kissed him back. Just as suddenly as his lips were there, they were gone.
“Night,” he said quietly.
“Night,” I repeated, leaning against the door while I watched him go down the stairs and down the street.
______
A year earlier…
When I woke up, the bed I was in was empty. Well, there was one less person in there than there had been last night when I fell asleep. I yawned, opening my eyes slowly as to not burn them with light, but still no signs.
“Fuck!”
I sat up quickly, throwing the covers off and shivering. I shot out of bed, tugging at the pair of Teddy’s boxers that I used as shorts when I slept over, sprinting out of his bedroom to see what he was shouting about. I stopped short in the kitchen, taking a look around before bursting out into laughter.
“I…Itried making you breakfast,” he informed, wiping a batter of some sort off his face. I giggled a little more, taking a while to get it under control, shaking my head. I reached up, wiping more batter off of his cheek.
“You made a mess,” I giggled.He chuckled a little, putting the spoon in the sink, continuing to wipe it off himself.
“Noticed.” I bit my lip,looking around, “What’s the special occasion though?” Teddy sighed, taking my hand, his large one covering my smaller one in more batter, pulling me out into the living room, sitting the both of us down on the couch.
“Well, I uh...” he trailed off,making a face. “I just found out that we’re touring again,” he mumbled, half smiling, his fingers now fumbling with mine to lace them together. I frowned,before forcing a small smile. This was huge for him but…
“It feels like you just got back,” I mumbled, “And now you’re leaving again?” He sighed heavily, squeezing my hands.
“I’m sorry,” he said in an honest voice, “Ily, I swear I am.” I shook my head.
“I know, I know,” I said quietly, “But I just feel like I’m losing you.” It was his turn to frown now, and sigh. He let go of my hands, pulling me close and hugging me tightly.
“I’m sorry, Ily,” he repeated, “I promise, as soon as I get back, make it up to you.” I smiled,twisting around a little so I could see his face and kissed him.
“I know.”
He stood up, holding out a finger before heading to the bedroom I just came out of. I sat on the couch,curious to know what he was doing when he came back out with a black box in his hand. He sat down, handing it to me.”This is for you.”
“I figured,” I chuckled, looking at the box. “What is it?” I asked stupidly.
“You could just open it,” he suggested. “Just something to remind you that I still care,” he added, giving me a nervous smile. I bit my lip, opening it to see a small crystal heart shaped pendant on a sliver chain. I smiled, looking up at him.
“It’s beautiful,” I said breathlessly. “Thank you.”
_____
Ten months earlier…
“When are you coming back?” I asked for the ten millionth time, running my hand through my hair. This was all things were between me and Teddy these days; phonecalls and the same question, ‘when are you coming back?’
I hardly ever saw him these days. He was always touring or off doing something or other. And when he wasn’t? Things still weren’t the same. He was always on his phone or something.It was getting harder and harder to be with him.
“Soon, Ily,” he told me again, “Just a couple more days and then I’m all yours.” I bit my lip, feeling the same conversation coming on that we’ve been having over and over again.
“Promise?” I asked.
“Promise, I…” he replied, and he got cut off by someone else on the other side.“Ily, I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay, bye Teddy,” I mumbled,frowning.
“Bye, Ily.” I hung up before he could, sighing again. I tossed my phone at the couch, running my hands through my hair. This so wasn’t fair, what had I done that warranted losing my boyfriend to this? Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for him and proud of him,but he and I had just gotten so distant. It hurt this had even happened, us falling apart the way we were, but I knew we were trying to make this work. I would stay up late and wait for him to call, and there were times he’d give up going out after the shows to talk to me.
It was hell. I loved him. But it was hell.
____
Eight months earlier…
After I left, I went for a walk. Where I was going, I wasn’t entirely sure, but it was better than staying there and getting ignored. It was cold and I wish I had grabbed something heavier than the sweatshirt that I was wearing. I had to find somewhere warm to be, and it had to be soon or I was sure to freeze to death.
I looked around, biting my lip as I tried to figure out where I was. When my eyes fell onto the street signs, I knew exactly where I was. I started jogging for the end of the street,heading for a house on the corner. The house in question was a lively light blue, though the paint was starting to peel. The garden out front was nicely kept, though at this time of year, it was completely bare. Even so,it didn’t look like a bunch of dead sticks.
I headed up the porch steps,biting my lip again before giving up and panting. It was tiring running an entire street. I knocked on the front door, debating whether or not I should just walk in. Just when I went to grab the doorknob, it opened.
“Ily?”
“Hi, Mum,” I said quietly. “Can I come in? It’s freezing out.” She nodded, stepping aside and ushering me in.
“Yes, yes, of course,” my mother said hurriedly, letting me in. “Where’s Teddy?” I bit my lip, sighing. What was I going to say?
“We broke up,” I stated after a moment. She frowned and headed for the kitchen, talking about how she was going to make me a cup of tea, how there was chocolate for me if I wanted, and how much better off I’d be without him.
Truth was…I had been without him for a lot longer than an hour.
_____
Present day…
I continued to glare at the now ice cold cup of coffee, checking the time on my phone again. I couldn’t believe he didn’t show up. He was supposed to have been here an hour and a half ago. I glanced up at the counter again, making a displeased face at Alex who mirrored it.
“Why don’t you just go home?”she suggested. I nodded, bringing the cup over to the counter before pulling on my jacket, putting on my scarf and tucking the ends in my jacket.
“I still can’t believe this,”I sighed, more to myself than to her. “I’ll see you later then?” I asked,turning around to face her. She nodded, taking my cup.
“I’ll bring lots of chocolates,” she informed, and a pause before she added. “I’m sorry, Ily.” I shook my head.
“Don’t be,” I told her. “I guess this just wasn’t meant to be.” I sighed again before waving at her and heading out of the coffee shop. I looked around, in spite of everything my mind was telling me, to see if he was there, saw he wasn’t, and continued on my way home.
I wasn’t going to put myself through this anymore.