Flight Risk

Time passed, but nothing about my situation changed. It was hard to get up everyday and pretend that things were normal. At school, I was alone, shut out by Micki by my own doing and basically alone as I moved from class to class - a routine that I had forced myself to uphold.

I had never been in love before and I hated being on this side of it. I kept my hood pulled up and my eyes cast down. There was nothing I wanted and no one I needed. After my letter made it to Zacky, I heard from the youngest boy about Zack's utter refusal to move on like I asked. But I hadn't heard from him, he'd stopped trying and for that I was grateful.

My brother drove me to and from school everyday, seeing as he was home for his extended Christmas break. My school finally let out the day before Christmas Eve and my mother bounded around the house trying to ready us, her food, and herself for the annual Christmas banquet thrown at her work every year.

"Everly, let me see your dress again," she demanded as she crossed in front of the TV and headed towards the kitchen.

"Mom, this is almost over," I complained from my spot next to Gabriel.

She shot a glare at me that I didn't see. "Go try your clothes on now," she repeated, leaning over on the counter to stare at the back of my head.

I huffed loudly and pushed off the couch. I rounded it and headed down the narrow hall to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut and moved to my closet in search of the blue and black dress that we'd bought in what felt like another lifetime. I yanked it from it's hanger and onto my body.

It came down to mid-thigh and was rucked and darker at the bust before it continued down loosely. I paired it with a pair of black suede heels and a jacket that was more like a flowing shaw that came down as far as the dress. The hood was large, open, and lined with fur. I pulled it on and then marched out to my mother.

Still in the kitchen, she peered out at me with her expression twisted in thought. "You're really wearing that thing over the top?" she questioned, walking out to get a better look, "You're going to take it off when we get there, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Mom. Despite what most think, California does get chilly at night."

Gabe peered over the back of the couch and grinned. "It doesn't even look like you're wearing anything under there," he laughed, "So you better take that off quickly before someone gets the wrong idea."

"Oh, Gabriel, be quiet," our mother demanded, snapping at him, "And since you're obviously not even paying attention to your show either, I suggest you get in your room and try on your clothes as well."

He rolled his eyes and got up without a word. He moved to his room at the end of the hall and shut the door. I turned back to my mom and held my arms out. "Can I take this off now?"

She frowned. "I want to talk to you about your attitude tomorrow night," she said, ignoring my question, "I need you to be on your best behavior, Everly. I don't need one of my bosses or co-workers believing that I'm incapable of raising a polite young woman."

"I thought you were going to say 'lady' for a minute," I retorted, "I was about to comment on the year we're actually living in."

"And that," she continued, giving me a harsh look, "I don't need you mouthing off or spiting out your trademark sarcastic comments at anyone. You will be representing me tomorrow night, so please act how you think I would want you to."

"I know," I stated, "I've done this before."

She grabbed my arm and slid the sleeve of the shaw up and motioned to the tattoos there and then to the metal jutting through my lip. "You've never done this like this before," she argued, "You look unruly and disrespectful. Perhaps you should keep this on all night. I'd rather have you overheating than causing someone a heart-attack."

I yanked my arm from her and ran my fingers absently over the stars that danced up my skin. "Nobody cares about these kinds of things," I grumbled, "You're the only one who worries about your image and how I'll ruin it for you. If you wanted me to be a perfect daughter than you should've tried harder. A lot harder."

She looked as though I'd hit her and she hadn't seen it coming. "Everly, I tried my best with you and your brother. I don't know where you get off talking me me like that. I'm your mother, for Christ's sake."

I glanced around the house sarcastically. "I don't know when you think that you actually had time to parent us," I retorted, "Between the bullshit with Gabe's father, the constant moves, and you constantly working for shit money just for it to be gone when we get it, you're never here. Neither of you are."

"You reveled in that freedom, Everly, don't act as though you detested it now. You did whatever you wanted and I tried my best to reign you in. You never listened. Don't you dare blame that on our life. I tried my best to give you everything." She shook her head angrily. "I have given you everything. Everything you've needed and even some of the things you wanted."

"There's so much more out there, Mother," I spat, "And you walk around like you deserve a medal because you've kept us alive. Well, there are better ways to live but good job on surviving through the shittiest version."

"Just because you're upset about what happened with that boy doesn't mean that you can take it out on me," she argued, surprising me with her mention of him, "I'm sorry that he convinced you that he cared about you, Everly. But obviously he doesn't, Sweetheart. You don't see him trying very hard to win you back."

"That's because you'll have him arrested!" I screamed, "He can't come over, I can't see or talk to him. I'm stuck here unhappy like you because you're psychotic, Mother. Don't you dare talk about him like you know how he feels about me, because you know nothing. Nothing."

I turned and left the room before I decided to do something else. As I went, she called out to me angrily. "I expect you dressed and ready to go by six tomorrow. Until then, I don't want to see or hear you."

I entered my room as Gabe left his. I slammed the door and practically tore my way out of the clothing. That was the first time she'd mentioned Zack since everything happened and I could see that she was trying to take my vulnerability and work it in her favor. She was cruel like that, and desperate enough for me to love her that she would try anything to get me back on her side - to make me see him the way she saw him.

I climbed into a set of clothes much too big and dropped myself into my bed. It was only late afternoon, but it felt better to sleep than to be awake and face reality, face my mother.