Flight Risk

My mother's work-"holiday" party was the bane of my existence. Dressing up and smiling as though I cared was killing me, and every time another worker sauntered over and commented on how beautifully they'd managed to incorporate all of the winter holidays in the decor, I almost lost it. My mom had confiscated my iPod about an hour earlier when she discovered me sitting at her desk with the buds pushed in and the world tuned out. She also dragged me back out to the party and stood me next to Gabriel, who was chatting easily with some guy about the joys of college.

I rolled my eyes at my brother's suck-up nature.

"So you two are brother and sister?" the man questioned, blinking at us as he glanced between us.

Gabe nodded easily, not mentioning that we had different fathers. "I'm two years older than Everly," he explained, his shoulder unwittingly brushing against mine.

The man's wife smiled and shook her head. "I don't think I've ever seen a dissimilar looking brother and sister," she commented, "Usually it's the identical siblings that catch your eye, but the two of you are like night and day. Blonde and dark haired, tanned and pale-skinned, dark and light eyes - how intriguing."

"Gabriel takes after your mother," her husband said to us, "so, Everly, you must look like your father." He wrapped his arms over his wife's shoulders as another women accidentally bumped into them.

"We're half-siblings," I said dryly, "Something that I'm very thankful for."

They laughed at my 'joke' and then told us to compliment our mom on how wonderful we were before they excused us to go mingle with other friends. When they were gone, Gabe jammed his elbow into my side and I jerked back in pain, accidentally throwing my body against the refreshment table. I straightened up instantly and apologized to the man doling out drinks, even though I hadn't spilled a drop.

I pressed my fingers into my ribs and glared at my brother. "What was that for?" I seethed, side-stepping to stand even slightly farther from him.

He turned his eyes on me. "You know what," he replied quietly but darkly, "Nobody thinks you're funny, Granger, so just knock it off." He shot a smile at our mom who looked over at us from where she stood talking with a boss on the other side of the room. The expression was gone the minute she looked away.

I shook my head at Gabe and excused myself without noting that they'd laughed, and then ignored him as he demanded that I not go anywhere. He couldn't grab at me or shout for me in front of all the people, so I ignored him and headed towards the staircase that would take me outside. I grabbed my shaw and bag from the coat check and fished the pack of smokes from the inside pocket, thankful for the release.

I pulled the hood up over my head and leaned against the side of the building. It was a three story brick building that had been converted into two floors of office space and a third floor apartment that overlooked the street. Even though all the small shops were closed for the holiday, there were still quite a few people maneuvering through the streets.

I was focused on a young couple sliding into a taxi when someone walked up beside me and leaned against my same square of wall. "Can I bum a smoke?" he asked, his eyes watching me watching the people.

My head whipped around quickly at the sound of his voice and I stared at him, wondering how he could possibly be here. I shook my head. "Sorry, all out," I lied, watching as he caught the hint in my voice and noticed my tell - something that he had pointed out to me before.

He smiled perfectly, on to me.

His hair was different now, the sides shaved short and dyed a shade of purple that was leaning towards blue, and he stood casually next to me, despite the oddity of his attendance. His hands were pushed into the pockets of his jeans and his shoulder was just brushing mine.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, acknowledging for the first time that he wasn't just some guy on the street. I folded my arms over my chest, tucking my hands underneath to hide my shaking fingers. My stomach was erupting in some cruel way and my eyes wouldn't leave the sight of him, even when I closed them - blinking to make sure I wasn't going crazy.

"You invited me once, if you recall," he said, although I didn't, "You said that you would wear that beautiful dress and I would meet you after and we would get out of here."

"That was before," I answered, my tone just as soft, "Things are different now."

He shook his head as though denying something simple. "I don't care what you say, Grange, things aren't over between us." He turned so that he was facing me and I turned from the street to look at him too. The couple was long gone now and the only dwindlers near were people like me who had escaped the party in search of quiet and nicotine.

"I want you to come away with me," Zacky said, his fingers finding mine, "I need you to come with me. I can't leave things like this. I can't leave you at all, Granger. I can't live like this."

"Be still my beating heart," I murmured softly, quoting something that I couldn't even remember in this moment. My eyes shot up to his and I stared at him, trying to see the answers and the reasoning in his head. "Zack, I have school," I replied, "and they'll arrest you for kidnapping. I can't go with you."

"They won't find us, I promise," he swore, his tone becoming more urgent, "Nobody will know where you are. They might think you're with me, but they won't know for sure."

"I can't," I rebuffed, wanting nothing more than to run away with him, "but we're not together anymore and I'm not going to be the reason that your life falls apart. They'll put you in jail, Zacky. You'll be called a sex-offender. Everything will go to hell."

He smiled as though he was darkly amused and when he opened his eyes all the light was gone from them and the conversation was not so easy. Hearing him speak, was not so easy. "I'm already in hell, Granger," he said, his expression unamused, "I fucking love you and I can't be with you because I'm a couple of years older than you. It's not like I'm 40, it's just a few god-damn months."

"I'm sorry, but I can't," I answered, already seeing the rebuttal forming on the tip of his tongue, "and tell Maria and Zina that I'm sorry too and I wish I could be there tomorrow." I was instantly upset by the thought that I couldn't spend Christmas with Zacky's family. They were the most welcoming, wonderful group of people that I'd ever met and I longed to be around them just one more time. They made me feel as though it was possible to be a part of something less defective than my own family. They were incredible and all I wanted was to sit around a table with them talking about Zacky's embarrassing moments and blunders as he rolled his eyes and tried to pull me away.

Zacky wasn't deterred by my words. He took my fingers and pushed his between them. From there, his other hand moved to my face and his thumb pressed lightly against my chin as he held my face still, his eyes trailing over my Christmas attire. After a moment, he let me go, his hands dropping to his sides and his eyes downcast. "God, I miss looking at you," he said, shaking his head as though he couldn't fathom it, "and kissing you. Just fucking being around you. I'm miserable, Grange." His eyes blinked up to mine for just a second and I tried the best I could to hide my reaction to his pain.

He looked away from my solemn expression.

I stubbed my smoke out of the wall and stepped forward to wrap my arms around his neck. The feel of his body pressed into mine was cathartic and I didn't want to step away. I pressed my mouth to his when he turned to look at me and he wrapped his arms around my waist slowly, his fingers pressing into my sides.

When we pulled away to breathe, I stepped back and ran my thumb over my bottom lip. "One for the road," I said, reaching up to wipe a bit of my chopstick from his mouth. "You have to go," I added, glancing towards the doorway as it opened and yellow light slipped onto the street for a matter of mere seconds, "My brother is going to hunt me down soon and you can't be here, Zacky. You shouldn't have come at all.

His fingers touched my face and he nodded slowly, licking his bottom lip. "We're leaving for tour on Tuesday," he said, having seemingly ignored everything I'd just told him, "I need you to meet me and come with me."

"Zack, I can't -"

He cut me off with a shake of his head. "Please, Granger." He stopped to look at me and pressed his lips together as though he found something funny. He touched a strand of my hair and nodded. "If you don't come," he said, seeing something in me that neither of us wanted to accept, "I'll come back for you when I can. I love you."

My resigned eyes settled on him and he smiled, grabbing my wrist to pull me back to him as I turned to walk away without a word. He kissed me again and it felt like the end of something, like he accepted that I wouldn't be there when they left. I watched him get into his car down the street, and the headlights cut through the dark as he pulled into the street to make a U-turn.

"Everly."

Gabe stood just in the doorway of the building. His arms were folded and he was staring at me, but obviously oblivious to Zack having just been here. "What?" I answered, turning the cigarette around in my fingers as I searched my bag for the lighter again.

"Mom wants you back inside," he answered, eyes narrowing at the sight of the lit cigarette, "One of mom's co-workers wants to see you." He jerked his thumb inside towards these stairs, expecting me to follow.

"Do you know which one?" I asked, letting out a breath of smoke, "Because if it's Mr. Rijeka then I'm not interested," I answered, leaning back against the brick as I stared at my older brother. When he didn't answer, I sighed and nodded. "I'll be there in a minute," I relented, snuffing out the cigarette again.

I stepped in front of my brother and he followed me up the stairs back to the party. And while one of my mother's friends from work ranted to me about how beautiful I'd become since the last time she saw me, my thoughts were off in other places, images of Zacky pasted on the back of my eyelids and inside of my skull. Gabe stood at my side the whole night as we followed our mom from person to person, smiling like we really wanted to be there.

By the time we finally left, I'd run countless scenarios in my head, hoping to find one that would work, so that I could run away with Zack. But even in my brain they failed and my jumped with every thought to his arrest and the end of his career. I couldn't make it work, couldn't find a way to be with him.

My last scenario hurt the worst. Zacky would go to meet his friends and he would wait for me. He would wait for me to go with him like he'd been waiting to be allowed to love me. And he would hurt for awhile when he realized I wouldn't be coming, but he would leave and he would make it out, and he would do so much more with his life than just love me back.

So, I decided - I would be the one waiting this time. Wait for him to make something of himself, wait for him to get get out of here, wait for him to live a different life, and wait for him to see if he'd truly waited for me.