Arachne in Blunderland
The Hopeless Heart Symphony Presents:
Saturday, February 25, 2006
If you been waiting for it, it's mostly here, and if you haven't... Screw you. No one bothers to talk to me about anything important. Hell, I don't want to talk about the important things, I want to talk about life and love, or rather, the lack there of. I want to talk philosophy and grammatically correct... My point is, none of you should be so dependent upon this to get some insight to me.
I'm sorry for my absence; I've been grounded as you all well know. But, alas, I do have the will power to work my fingers to the bone (or at least as close to it they've ever been) to regain what small amounts of freedom I have.
Now, let's get to the ranting, shall we?
Life, Love, and All That Rock.
I feel that my life is getting more and more pointless. Is there really any reason I exist? Do I really 'enrich' anyone else's life? But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to [my] head? But would anything matter...? I'm literally to the end of my wits. My brain is actually in pain, my body feels that, were I not so intendent on hiding it, I would collapse in utter dispair, that the brine from these eyes could fill a wading pool. I will not, however, be taking up the 'violin'... I will not stop smiling for no reason, I will not stop speaking, I will not neglect my eyeliner. I'm gonna stand up, just as tall (and hideous) as usual. I am not going to be another suicide- though I will say that the chemical formula for butane is C4H10.
My grandfather died last week... I will admit to crying, for what could be worth it if not death? Death is fairly easy to cope with, but my other grandfather has just gone into the hospital as well and... I don't think I could handle that...
My motherhas a few misconceptions about me. She believes that I'm A) a lesbian B) on drugs and C) going to turn out like Laurel. All of which are completely untrue... I am not attracted to other people of the female persuasion (save for you, of course, Mikki). I am not doing anykind of illicit substances or otherwise. (Can you imagine that? I'd be so very creepy...) And finally, I AM NOT Laurel! All I'm asking is that you all stop comparing me to her, please! I don't have a dead end life, I really don't enjoy cigarettes, booze, restaurants or slacker boyfreinds. Honestly, I have never had a cigarette in my life, alcohol tastes something awful, I hate people so waitressing is out, and I think my taste in boys is something better.
Well, now anyways...
My previous choices are questionable at best... An idiot, a homosexual and a boy named after a sea creature... Definately questionable. But now? I must say, I am hooked on this very beautiful JesusFreak. You know the one. With that emo look, wacked-out morals and the greatest accent ever to grace the sound of my name? Yeah, that one.
Of course, I'll settle for James. I'm not sure I want all the emotional complications right now. Oh wait, I do. I want all kinds of rollercoasters and so-called romance. I want to have to get parental approval and a specific time to be home from a concert or whatever. *let's go for corny right about here* I want someone to hold my hand and my heart(whatever shriveled, black pieces are left of it).
Yes, the above is the sappiest thing I've EVER actually said. That I do want somekind of human contact other than that weak, one-armed hug in the hallway and that entwining of the fingers for exactly 1.962 seconds.
Now, a word to all my freinds... Or at least some of them.
To those of you who commented to the 'Ugly' remark or should've but didn't: The correct answer was that I am pretty, just not in that 'HEY, NOTICE ME!' kind of way... That I am prettier than thosewhowillgounamed. Or, to keep it negative, that I was nothing that a little plastic surgery and liposuction couldn't fix.
Thanks guys... Really. Because I actually do think that YOU are the Beautiful People. YOU are the ones I'd put on TV and in Magazines. Thay YOU are way better than any robot, I mean, celebrity that I have ever 'loved'. That includes Gerard by the way.
But apparently I don't need to be given compliments, back-handed or kiss-worthy, because I'm better than all of you and I'll beat you down if you don't agree. Get my people on you, ya?
Apparently, I have a superiority complex. I'm sorry if you feel this way about me. This is not what I aim for. I don't wake up and say 'hmm, I think I'll spit venom at everyone today.' No. this doen't happen. I am really tired of yourcrap, Shannon. I understand that I haven't been the nicest person to you, that I have a very condesending way about me. Sorry. I cannot help that people are more drawn to me than to you, that I run the table, that I sit at the top, away from you.
Is it possible that I'm just that girl and you're not?
*reflects on last two paragraphs* Wow, I am a b****...
Now, my most beloved Daniel... I think that you'd miss me, were you to disown me merely for my apparel. I think we've been together to long and to closely for you to just drop me like that... On top of that, my clothes aren't that ugly.
Eliz, while I'm glad you finally yellled at her, it'd be helpful if you'd stop being so obsessed with her. You seem to have developed two versions of her. One that is simply perfect and you're desperatley in love with and one that you loathe with the utmost passion, that you'd kill on sight if given the opportunity. You have a girlfreind, and boyfreind, remember? Maybe you should focus on them... considering.
And even though I tell you all that i hate your guts, I must say, I love you more than words ever could. Except Shannon.
And a little rock sound...
Still a general in the MCRmy... Though that JesusRock is still quite good and I'm really feelin' these random CDs with all the different artists... Oh yes.
I AM NOT ATTENDING THE FALLOUTBOY/ HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS CONCERT NEXT MONTH. Thank you.
But you know... Live on the Murder Scene!!! March 21... Oh the radtasms of that...
Okay, well, this is just about the end... Though it was very difficult to walk past you rather than grabbing you hand, pulling you outside and dancing with you after French....
So long and... Oh, look at that, it's morning... Damn.
*SuffersFromInsomnia*
If you been waiting for it, it's mostly here, and if you haven't... Screw you. No one bothers to talk to me about anything important. Hell, I don't want to talk about the important things, I want to talk about life and love, or rather, the lack there of. I want to talk philosophy and grammatically correct... My point is, none of you should be so dependent upon this to get some insight to me.
I'm sorry for my absence; I've been grounded as you all well know. But, alas, I do have the will power to work my fingers to the bone (or at least as close to it they've ever been) to regain what small amounts of freedom I have.
Now, let's get to the ranting, shall we?
Life, Love, and All That Rock.
I feel that my life is getting more and more pointless. Is there really any reason I exist? Do I really 'enrich' anyone else's life? But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to [my] head? But would anything matter...? I'm literally to the end of my wits. My brain is actually in pain, my body feels that, were I not so intendent on hiding it, I would collapse in utter dispair, that the brine from these eyes could fill a wading pool. I will not, however, be taking up the 'violin'... I will not stop smiling for no reason, I will not stop speaking, I will not neglect my eyeliner. I'm gonna stand up, just as tall (and hideous) as usual. I am not going to be another suicide- though I will say that the chemical formula for butane is C4H10.
My grandfather died last week... I will admit to crying, for what could be worth it if not death? Death is fairly easy to cope with, but my other grandfather has just gone into the hospital as well and... I don't think I could handle that...
My motherhas a few misconceptions about me. She believes that I'm A) a lesbian B) on drugs and C) going to turn out like Laurel. All of which are completely untrue... I am not attracted to other people of the female persuasion (save for you, of course, Mikki). I am not doing anykind of illicit substances or otherwise. (Can you imagine that? I'd be so very creepy...) And finally, I AM NOT Laurel! All I'm asking is that you all stop comparing me to her, please! I don't have a dead end life, I really don't enjoy cigarettes, booze, restaurants or slacker boyfreinds. Honestly, I have never had a cigarette in my life, alcohol tastes something awful, I hate people so waitressing is out, and I think my taste in boys is something better.
Well, now anyways...
My previous choices are questionable at best... An idiot, a homosexual and a boy named after a sea creature... Definately questionable. But now? I must say, I am hooked on this very beautiful JesusFreak. You know the one. With that emo look, wacked-out morals and the greatest accent ever to grace the sound of my name? Yeah, that one.
Of course, I'll settle for James. I'm not sure I want all the emotional complications right now. Oh wait, I do. I want all kinds of rollercoasters and so-called romance. I want to have to get parental approval and a specific time to be home from a concert or whatever. *let's go for corny right about here* I want someone to hold my hand and my heart(whatever shriveled, black pieces are left of it).
Yes, the above is the sappiest thing I've EVER actually said. That I do want somekind of human contact other than that weak, one-armed hug in the hallway and that entwining of the fingers for exactly 1.962 seconds.
Now, a word to all my freinds... Or at least some of them.
To those of you who commented to the 'Ugly' remark or should've but didn't: The correct answer was that I am pretty, just not in that 'HEY, NOTICE ME!' kind of way... That I am prettier than thosewhowillgounamed. Or, to keep it negative, that I was nothing that a little plastic surgery and liposuction couldn't fix.
Thanks guys... Really. Because I actually do think that YOU are the Beautiful People. YOU are the ones I'd put on TV and in Magazines. Thay YOU are way better than any robot, I mean, celebrity that I have ever 'loved'. That includes Gerard by the way.
But apparently I don't need to be given compliments, back-handed or kiss-worthy, because I'm better than all of you and I'll beat you down if you don't agree. Get my people on you, ya?
Apparently, I have a superiority complex. I'm sorry if you feel this way about me. This is not what I aim for. I don't wake up and say 'hmm, I think I'll spit venom at everyone today.' No. this doen't happen. I am really tired of yourcrap, Shannon. I understand that I haven't been the nicest person to you, that I have a very condesending way about me. Sorry. I cannot help that people are more drawn to me than to you, that I run the table, that I sit at the top, away from you.
Is it possible that I'm just that girl and you're not?
*reflects on last two paragraphs* Wow, I am a b****...
Now, my most beloved Daniel... I think that you'd miss me, were you to disown me merely for my apparel. I think we've been together to long and to closely for you to just drop me like that... On top of that, my clothes aren't that ugly.
Eliz, while I'm glad you finally yellled at her, it'd be helpful if you'd stop being so obsessed with her. You seem to have developed two versions of her. One that is simply perfect and you're desperatley in love with and one that you loathe with the utmost passion, that you'd kill on sight if given the opportunity. You have a girlfreind, and boyfreind, remember? Maybe you should focus on them... considering.
And even though I tell you all that i hate your guts, I must say, I love you more than words ever could. Except Shannon.
And a little rock sound...
Still a general in the MCRmy... Though that JesusRock is still quite good and I'm really feelin' these random CDs with all the different artists... Oh yes.
I AM NOT ATTENDING THE FALLOUTBOY/ HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS CONCERT NEXT MONTH. Thank you.
But you know... Live on the Murder Scene!!! March 21... Oh the radtasms of that...
Okay, well, this is just about the end... Though it was very difficult to walk past you rather than grabbing you hand, pulling you outside and dancing with you after French....
So long and... Oh, look at that, it's morning... Damn.
*SuffersFromInsomnia*