Searching for Estelle.

When I walked into the airport in Stockholm I felt relieved to finally be away from Finland and what had happened there.

I looked around for Dani, and my heart sank not seeing her there waiting for me like she said she would be.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone,getting ready to switch it on when all of a sudden I felt a sudden weight on my back.

I shrieked and spun around, successfully shaking the dead-weight from my back and heard a loud thud.

I looked down at the floor and saw Dani sitting there, giggling and rubbing her backside.

“Stella-bella!” she said, jumping up and grabbing me in a bear hug.

I shook my head but couldn't help but laugh as I hugged her back.

“I've missed you!” she said as she pulled back and grinned at me.

She looked me over and raised an eyebrow.

“You're dressed up,” she remarked, grabbing my hand and dragging me through the airport towards baggage claim.

I blushed and looked down, realising I was still wearing what I'd worn to the bar, which was jeans and a black blouse with my precious heeled booties.

A sad smile crossed my face as I thought about the boots; which I'd bought specifically for the 69 Eyes concert.

“Yeah, I went out for dinner,” I half-lied.

She stopped suddenly, causing me to run into her and turned around giving me a searching look.

“Why'd you leave Finland?”

I took a deep breath and shrugged.

“I got bored and was tired of being by myself,” I lied- completely this time.

She frowned, but seemed to buy it and grabbed my hand once more, taking off with impossible enthusiasm.

“What about that concert? Oh, I've checked us into a hotel. I just went with where we were going to stay in a week, anyway. Was Finland nice? Was it cold? Oooh, isn't that your bag?” she babbled before pushing through the small crowd of people and yanking my suitcase off the conveyor.

“Christ, it's heavy, Stell. Did you smuggle out a Finn?” she said with a cheeky grin.

I giggled and shook my head, replying “No, just new clothes.”

Dani looked at me incredulous. “Bullshit.”

I shook my head, blushing. “Nope, I even bought a dress.”

With a grin, she replied “I'm proud of ya.”

I rolled my eyes and allowed her to lead me out of the airport to a waiting taxi.

When we got to the hotel Dani paid the driver and jumped out of the cab, dragging me with her.

“Do you have to do everything so quickly?” I asked, dizzy from her excitement. She rolled her eyes.

“I have been alone, in Sweden, for hours. I am going stir-crazy.”

“How'd you get through the flight?” I asked, smiling.

“Booze.”

I shook my head and followed her into our room.

When I saw the fresh hotel bed it took everything I had not to throw myself on to it and sleep for days. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, despite having slept at the airport and on the plane.

I felt grimy from my naps, flying, going out and being used. I decided that, short of another sleep, the only thing that might make me feel better was a long, hot shower.

I lifted my suitcase on to the bed and unzipped it, which gained Dani's attention.

“Oooh,” she exclaimed, plopping down beside my bag and pulling things out. She held up the dress I'd bought for the show, running the fabric through her fingers.

“This is gorgeous, Stell,” she said with a gasp.

I smiled, thinking about the first (and only) time I'd worn it. “Thanks,” I said quietly, taking it from her and folded it up and placed back in my suitcase.

She gave me a curious, searching look. I avoided making eye contact with her and selected some pyjama pants and a t-shirt, folding them carefully and adding some clean underwear to the pile.

“I'm gonna have a shower,” I announced, picking up my clothes, towel, toiletries and mobile phone.

Dani nodded. “Okay, wake me up when you get out because I'll probably have a nana nap.”

I smiled and headed for the bathroom.
I undressed, throwing my dirty clothes in a pile on the floor and kicking them out of my way. I turned on the hot water, allowing the bathroom to steam up while I glanced at myself in the mirror.

My eyes were no longer red; I'd stopped crying long ago and I just looked tired. I sighed, running a hand through my hair and stepped in to the steaming hot water.

As I stood there in the water I stupidly allowed myself to think back to what had happened at the bar. I felt my eyes sting again and didn't even attempt to stop the few tears that mingled with the hot water as I tried to wash away the days events.

I washed my face, my hair, my body and just stood in the shower for what felt like hours.

When I finally stepped out I wrapped the comfortless hotel towel around my body and slowly dried off.

I slipped on my underwear and noticed my phone out of the corner of my eye.

I bit my lip nervously, but couldn't help but pick it up and turn it on for the first time since I'd gotten to the airport.

I took a deep breath and hoisted myself up to sit on the counter. I waited impatiently for my phone to switch on and gasped when I saw that I had over 50 missed calls and several text messages.

I glanced through the calls quickly- Jyrki, Ville, Jussi... no surprises there, but there were also a couple from unknown numbers, which I guess were Bam and Novak or at least the other guys trying to use their phones.

I deleted all the calls and took a deep breath. I bit my lip and contemplated opening the text messages. I knew who they would be from and what they would say and there was nothing in them that could possibly change my mind.

Without opening them, I deleted every single one.

I turned my phone off again and slid down off the counter, slipping on my pyjamas. I towelled my hair off and picked up my dirty clothes, leaving the bathroom quietly.

I slipped back into the room and, as I expected, Dani was fast asleep and snoring quietly. I smiled to myself and dumped my clothes in my case before picking up a spare blanket and gently laying it over her.

Despite the fact she'd asked me to wake her up I decided we could both use a good nights sleep.

I realised I'd still been clutching my phone and, with a sigh, crammed it into my suitcase, right at the bottom.

Switching the light off, I climbed into bed.

I was determined to get on with my life and pretend my trip to Finland had never happened. That involved keeping it from Dani for as long as possible, as far as I was concerned.