Can't Have You

"Promise me that you won't go anywhere." Amy said when we arrived at the hotel for the meet and greet.

"I promise, Amy. Now go and make it quick cause I really want to go home, take a bath, and sleep." I said as I looked at my clothes. It's wet because of my sweat.

"Okay." She got out of the car and left me alone with the driver. I pulled out my iPod from my bag and shoved the earphones to my ears. I shuffled the song and 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift played.

I spent one hour alone in the car, waiting for Amy just with my iPod and I finally got bored. I got out from the car and leaned on the door. I checked out my phone and text Amy.

To: Amy.
Where are you?? Hurry up! I need to get some sleep :(

I told the driver that I'm going to walk around the hotel for a while until Amy's back and left him. I walked around the hotel alone and stop when I reached the side of the hotel. There was a bench under the tree. I smiled and sat on the bench.

I closed my eyes for a while and tried to make myself calm by the wind. There was only me there. I didn't know where everybody is but I was glad that I'm alone. I jerked up when 'Turn It Off' by Paramore blasted out from my phone. 'Amy' flashed across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Layla, I- on-" There were some noises and her voice broke.

"What? I can't hear you." I said and there were some noises again and now, I could tell that someone was screaming near her phone.

"I met so- fri-" She said again but I couldn't hear her.

"Amy, I can't hear you." I said calmly to her and stood up, walking to the random place near the hotel side door and trying to hear her clearly.

"Well, I met some friends from the Jonas Indonesia community and they asked me to talk with them for a while. So, I guess I'll meet you outside in 15 minutes." She said clearly.

I sighed, "Fine. But don't-" I stopped talking as I turned around and saw a guy with hoodie and a nerd glasses standing in front of me. I gulped and stared blankly. I knew this guy. Yeah, I knew this guy.

"Layla? I gotta go, okay?" Amy hung up the phone and I didn't mind. I kept staring at the guy who's standing right in front of me. I couldn't think clearly and I got nothing to say. This guy seemed so familiar to me. I really wanted to say anything but I couldn't.

"You okay?" He titled his head to the side, trying to read my expression. I blinked in surprise and turned my heels to avoid the guy.

"Hey, hey. Where are you going?" He gripped my arms and made turn around to face him again. I stared his eyes for a while and noticed that I hadn't seen those eyes since years ago. I used to playing with him and cried on his shoulder whenever I fought with his little brother.

"Layla? Are you okay?" He asked as he looked me in the eyes. He still remembered my name. He still remembered me. Oh God, I wasn't ready for this.

"Layla, talk to me. You're starting to make me scared." He said again and by that time, I cleared my throat and forced a smile.

"Hi," was the only word I said. Really, I got nothing to say. My brain didn't work perfectly this time, "Joe." I added.

"It feels so good to see you again and know that you still remembered me." He smiled widely to me. That smile always made me want to smile before. But now, it didn't anymore. So I just stared him blankly and I could see that he's confused.

"It's been 2 years, Layla. I know you're still mad at us but-"

"No." I shook my head, "I'm not mad at you or your other family but your little brother." I said as I looked him in the eyes to prove that I was telling him the truth.

"Look, I know you probably need a little time to forgive him but you have to know he misses you so much." He said and gave me an encouragingly smile to me.

"Why was he never trying to contact me?" I asked slowly to him, trying to get the answer.

"You should ask him for that." He grabbed my wrist and turned his heels, trying to make me follow him to the hotel.

"No, no. What are you thinking, Joe? I'm not gonna meet him now." I said then he stopped.

"But then when will you meet him again?" He asked with a bit concern on his eyes.

"I don't know when, Joe. I'm still not ready to meet him." I said to him and he just stared blankly at me. We just looked each other for a few minutes until he cleared his throat and looked away.

"How did you know me?" I asked suddenly, breaking the silence around us.

"I heard your voice when I was walking out of the hotel. I thought I was dreaming or something but I didn't. I meant, you look different now. At first, I didn't believe myself that I'm looking at you. But when I looked at those blackish eyes, I believed that I'm looking at the right person." He said with a shrug.

"Oh. Promise me you won't tell anyone that you just met me." I said.

"But-"

"Joe," I cut him, "don't tell anyone about this." I said again to him.

"Layla, I-"

"Joe," I cut him again, "please. I beg you." I said to him seriously.

He looked at me before sighed and nodded, "Okay." I smiled to him and gave him a hug.

"Thank you." I said as I pulled back. I gave him one last smile and turned my heels, walking to the parking lot and leaving Joe alone. I didn't know why I left him there. Maybe I still wasn't ready to meet anyone from Jonas family.

Yeah, I know I missed them. But the time when he left me 2 years ago, still hanging in my mind. A few months ago, I'd try to forget it with made myself busier than ever. Yes, it worked out but just for a while.

"Layla! I've been waiting for you!" I looked up as I heard Amy's voice, pulling me out of my trance. She smiled widely as I walked towards her. She leaned on the car door and checked something on her phone.

"Sorry." was the only word I said. She opened the car door and slid in. I followed her and sighed in relief when the car already started and we finally left the hotel.

I didn't say anything since we left from the hotel. I just stared at the window, looking at the road we passed by. Amy didn't ask me anything so we kept silence in the car and let the radio blasted some random songs.

"Are you feeling pumped for tonight?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"Hm, not really." I said as I tapped my fingers on my thigh.

"So, I saw Nick on the meet and greet. He looked like he's hoping to meet someone." She said slowly. Maybe she didn't want to make upset or something.

"How could you know that?" I asked.

"I could see it and his brothers kept making him calm or something. And you know what, he looked so happy and smile all the time. Maybe he's hoping to meet you." She said and I didn't say anything after that.

I maybe wasn't ready to meet him but I'd miss him. I'd miss him so much.

-Can't Have You-

I tapped my fingers on my thigh as I looked at the stage. The stage was huge. I couldn't believe that they're so famous. 2 years ago, I still watched them singing in their house and played with them in their backyard. But now, their life changed.

I sat in the front row with Amy by my side and she's looking so excited. I looked around the venue and saw everybody had their posters and screamed excitedly. I looked away and glanced at my watch, 08:00 PM. Okay, the concert was about to start.

"It's starting." Amy said quietly as I glanced at her. She smiled innocently at me and I forced a smile, "What?" she asked me.

"Nothing." I said then looked at the stage. Yeah, I guess the show was about to start. The band started to coming up on the stage. My heart skipped a beat as everyone started to scream and the band started to play some dramatic songs or something.

"Are you okay?" Amy asked me as I breathed heavily. I nodded at her, still looking at the stage as I heard the screams were getting louder.

3

2

1

And the intro of Feelin' Alive started. I started to feel nervous as they came out. I closed my eyes for a second and opened it again, hoping it's just a dream. Amy started to cheer as they sang Feelin' Alive. I really wanted to speak or something but there's no voice coming out from my mouth.

"Layla? You okay?" Amy asked me again and I suddenly shook my head. She let out a sigh, turned to face me.

"Look. Just try to enjoy the concert, okay? It'll end in 2 hours." She said to me then looked away from me. I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath. Well, I maybe could survive for 2 freaking hours in this concert.

-Can't Have You-

"I'm Kevin Jonas and thanks for coming to our show tonight! It's so good to be here!" Kevin said then waved at us.

"I'm Joe Jonas." He said, "You guys are so amazing. Thank you so much for having us!" He added.

"I'm Nick Jonas and we're the Jonas Brothers. Thank you so much for tonight." They all waved and run around the stage, waving to the fans.

Well, I'm saved! None of them had recognize me although I was in the front row. Even Joe didn't realize my appearance. It's great, isn't it? So, I'll sleep tight tonight without something I had to worry about.

"Once again, we are the Jonas Brothers and thank you so much for tonight!" They all waved and looked into their fans. I smiled at myself as I looked at them. I was glad that it's already over.

Nick looked to the crowd once again and his gaze met mine. I gulped as our eyes locked. I really wanted to turn my gaze but I couldn't. He looked so shocked, confused, and happy at the same time. My cheeks turned into red as I saw he's giving a small smile.

"Shit." I said slowly and finally turned my gaze to Amy. She looked at me as I said that. She frowned and crossed her arms. I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes and I realized that he's still standing there, looking at me. I started to worried and I put on my cap.

"Are we done here?" The fans were getting out from the venue and I was still standing there with Amy. She's busy with her phone and wanted me to wait for a while.

"Okay, we're done." She said before gave me a smile. I looked around and almost all of the people were already getting out from the venue. I checked my watch and it's already 10:35 PM.

"Layla. Wait for a second." She said when we just wanted to leave. She pulled out her phone and checked the caller ID, "It's Gabriel. I think he wants to talk with you." She said as she handed her phone to me.

I grabbed it and, "Hello?" We walked to the corner side of the venue and waited until I finished talking with Gabriel.

"Hi, sweetie." He said to me. Wow. Romantic.

"Hey." I said then paused, "So, what's up? It's kinda late and Amy said that you maybe need to talk with me." I glanced at Amy who's looking around the venue and then yawned.

"Um. Actually, I just wanna say that we have our dance practice tomorrow at 10 AM at school."

"Oh, okay. So, see you tomorrow?"

"Okay. See you tomorrow, Layla. Love you." He said sweetly.

"Love you too." I said and we both hung up. I gave Amy her phone and sighed before I took off my cap, "Want to know something crazy?" I asked to her.

"Yeah!" She said excitedly and glanced at me.

"He recognized me." I said to her as we walked out from the venue. Her eyes widened and stopped walking then move to standing in front of me, "What?" I asked her dumbly.

"Really? What did he do to you?" She asked again.

I shrugged, "He just gave me a small smile for unknown reason. Okay, now let's get into the car." I said as I started to walk but she didn't move. She gasped and her gaze locked on something.

"Amy, let's go. It's getting late and I'm so tired. Beside, I have my dance practice tomorrow." I turned my heels and when I wanted to grab her wrist, my eyes caught on something. There's a guy standing with a cap on his head and wearing a hoodie. He wore a nerd glasses and I just realized that I already met him a few hours ago.

I sighed and walked closer to that guy, "You didn't tell them, did you?" I asked him as I stepped closer.

"I didn't. But he saw you and wanted me to chase you." He said. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

"He wanted you to chase me?!" I laughed bitterly, "Unbelievable." I said then shook my head in disbelief.

"He saw you from the stage. He wasn't sure at first but when he looked into your eyes, he's sure."

I sighed and Amy appeared beside me, "Joe, he's the one who supposed to be chase me. Not you." I turned around and took Amy's wrist, making her to follow me.

"I'm here." That voice. I stopped walking and gulped hardly. Amy started to shake my hand but I still didn't move. After a second, I finally let out a sigh and turned around to face him. He's wearing a white t-shirt and a gray hoodie with dark skinny jeans. He looked so different, "What do you want?" I asked slowly. I couldn't believe that I just said those words.

"I'm sorry." He said calmly. I looked at his eyes and I could see the truth. I was going to trust him but another scene of his last goodbye was about to play in my mind again, "Please?" He asked.

I looked down on my shoes and Amy's hands squeezed me, telling me to tell him the answer. I caught my breath, made it stable for a while, and looked up to face him again. A sort of hope drew on his face, " I don't know." I said finally.

Both Joe and Nick were setting their eyes on me. Joe frowned and looked confused while Nick looked so hurt, confused, and he's looking for forgiveness from me.

"Layla, please listen to me. It's been 2 years and I know I left with our last meeting in the park and I didn't tell you before that I was going to leave. I'm sorry for that. I was so confused and lost. I didn't want to leave you but I want to chase my dream. I know it still hurts to you. But please forgive me." He said, looking to my eyes.

I was speechless. I just stared at his eyes that I'd miss so much. I really wanted to move and hug him but my brain and my body didn't work together, "Well-"

"Layla. Please?" He cut me. I took a deep breath before looking at Amy and Joe then moved my gaze to Nick's eyes again.

"It's not that easy to forgive someone and just forget it. It takes time, Nick."