Troubles

I count the change again. I count them carefully. I go over each coin to make sure it really is a quarter, a dollar or 50 cents.

I smile.

I have it. I have 5 dollars. I even have 10 cents more than that. I have 5 dollars. I can see my girl.

I get up and though the world spins a bit, I quickly walk down the street. For a moment, I forget where I am, but that doesn't stop me from walking. When I've made it to the end of the street, I realize I've been walking the wrong way, but instead of turning around, I decide to circle the block. I don't wanna go back past the spot I just sat in for the past...while.

I turn a corner and walk past a grocery store. It's not very big and the owner hates me, but it's still oddly comfortable to walk past once in a while. It's as if the freshness soothes me.

There's an old-fashioned TV-store on this side of the street where the manager doesn't care if I hang around outside, watching TV through the window. People aren't scared off by a short teenager standing outside looking in. I look at the biggest TV in the window as I walk past. The news are on. Another dead body has been found in the river. Big news.

I turn another corner, then turn left and within a few seconds, I'm outside the store. I usually notice the vegetarian shop on the corner of the street that the music store is on, but I guess I'm a bit distracted today.

I look at the glass door. Behind it, the store looks more inviting than ever. The carpet looks softer and my girl on the wall shines like she did the first day I say her.

But I can't go in.

I need food. I can't go back to the soup kitchen. I can't have Gerard see me there again; on that side of the food tables. I need to make up a good excuse for why I was there, eating the food meant for the homeless, but right now, I can't even think of two good reasons for not spending my 5 dollars and 10 cents on food. I can only find one.

She will make me forget the world. She will satisfy my hunger and make me numb to any pain for one hour, but after that; after that I'll go to bed hungry, if there's even a bed for me, and all the painful lies and losses will be right back in my mind.

I need food to at least rid myself of one pain. I need food.

I turn and continue walking down the street. I turn right at the end of it, then left at the next one. I think I know where I am, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything right now. I'm too hungry to take in what's going on around me. I bump into a guy who stops and yells at me, but I just keep walking. I turn right and walk across the street. Halfway across, I see the red letters on the light signal. STOP. Just then, I hear tires screech and a horn honk.

I should've gone to school. I don't think I hate Gerard.