Troubles

I sit at the bus stop and wait. I stare out at the road. Even though it isn't, nor hasn't been, raining, the road looks wet..

I try to remember the last time I talked to my mom, but all I remember is the last time I saw her. She came into the shelter in Newark. She spent the night in one of their beds. I counted the beds between us. 12. A dozen. She didn't even see me. I stared at her all night, trying to gather up the courage to go wake her up and tell her that I was sorry.

She left early. I didn't sleep at all. I failed a test in school that morning.

I keep staring at the road where cars drive by now and then. I can't bring myself to do it, but if I threw myself in front of a car, the driver might call an ambulance and then I'd at least have a bed to sleep in tonight.

“Frank?”

I look up to see Gerard standing next to me, looking at me with sadness in his eyes. He's got his hands in his pockets and his shoulders drawn up around his ears. I don't feel that cold, and one of my shoes even has a huge hole in it.

“Are you okay?”

What do I tell him? How do I answer that? I'm homeless, motherless and maybe even fatherless. I've got nothing. I have no hope to get my life back on track. Even a job after high school wouldn't be enough to get me my own place to live.

I'm so lost. I have nothing left.

I shake my head; telling him the truth. I'm not okay.

He seems to become even sadder. He looks away from me; into the bushes; onto the road. He looks everywhere but into my eyes – until he takes a seat next to me on the bench. He looks up at me – studies my face, looking at every corner of it – obviously trying to find a way to cheer me up.

He finds nothing. He looks out at the road, seeming angry.

I look out at the road too. I could always just ask if I could stay at Gerard's house. But then I'd never leave. And I refuse to be a bother – to anyone.

“I told mom and Mikey. Dad knows too.”

Of course he did. Why did I ever believe that he wouldn't? They're his family. He shares everything with them. Because they love each other and they have each other and can always count-

I bite my lip and squeeze my eyes shut. I will the tears to stay away and try desperately to swallow the sob that's building in my throat and pressing its way up. I try so desperately not to break, but Gerard sees right through me.

I sob into his chest as soon as he pulls me against it. I break apart when he holds me together. I feel safe in his arms as they wrap around me so tightly that I can barely catch the breath I need to continue sobbing.

For a while, I forget to think. Even though I can't stop sobbing, I can't seem to remember about why I started in the first place. The sadness is just there, needing to get out.

I just let it all out, and it's the safest I've been in a long time.

I barely remember going back to Gerard's. I remember it started raining and that Gerard wouldn't remove his arm from around my waist, even though I told him I could walk on my own. I remember him tugging me into bed. I think he kissed my forehead. I never felt more safe.