Troubles

Lunch

I sit down at an empty table at lunch. It's not our usual table, and even though I talked to Ray this morning and Mikey yesterday, I still feel guilty about not calling Mikey and I'm sure Gerard's still pissed at me, so I don't see any reason for imposing. Other than Ray said 'see you at lunch' earlier today, but that seems redundant now, considering he doesn't know about everything that's happened.

I slowly eat my lunch, determined to make it last the rest of the day. Well, at least until dinner, if Brian makes one. Yesterday, he didn't.

I still have the letter I wrote this morning stuck inside my notebook. I haven't even ripped it out; not even when I used the notebook for taking notes in chemistry.

I haven't even dared read it through to remember what I wrote exactly. You're supposed to do that with a brainstorm, but only when you wanna use it for something constructive.

Is figuring out my feelings constructive?
It might be...
I look down at my backpack on the floor, chewing on a stick of carrot.

“Frank?”
I look up and see Mikey standing with a tray. He looks awkward, but smiling nonetheless. I smile back.
“My mom wanted to know if you're still coming over for Thanksgiving?” he asks. My smile fades when I realize he's only asking because his mom asked his to. Doesn't he want me to come anymore?

I look to the side, away from Mikey, and instead see Gerard and Bob sitting at our usual table. Gerard's talking to Bob, using his arms a lot as per usual, but he doesn't seem as enthusiastic as he usually is when he gestures that much. He probably doesn't want me at their Thanksgiving.

Mikey suddenly sits down across from me, placing the tray on the table, his elbows on either side of it.

“Why didn't you call last night?” he asks. I'm actually kinda relieved that he asks, because I'm guessing it's the reason why he's hesitant about me coming over tomorrow. And why he's acting awkward.

“I forgot. I worked a lot and then I fell asleep way early,” I say, telling Mikey the truth. I could've called him before I fell asleep, but I just didn't think of it.
Mikey nods.

“So, do you still wanna come?” he asks, looking to the side. I know he's looking at his brother. He's looking in that direction and his eyes are a bit sad, so of course he's looking at Gerard. I glance over at him too, before I look down at my food.

“If you still want me to,” I mumble, not wanting to sound sad and pressuring, but at the same time not sound mad or hurt. I'd probably feel down if I'm left on my own tomorrow night, but I wouldn't blame Mikey. Or Brian. Or anyone, really. Except myself, maybe. A little.

“Sure, I do.” He sounds sincere when he says it, like he's smiling and is excited about having me over. When I look up at him, I'm convinced.
I smile widely.

“Okay,” I say happily. Mikey probably already knows this right now, but he's just saved my Thanksgiving. I few months ago when I first thought about spending Thanksgiving and Christmas on the street, I felt horrible. I felt like my life would end before I even turned 17, just because those holidays would be potentially ruined.

Mikey just saved my Thanksgiving. And Brian might be able to save my Christmas, depending on what he's doing and whether I can come along. I know no one can redo my birthday, but the fact that I won't be spending my 18th Thanksgiving at a shelter is enough to make up for a crappy birthday.

“Let's go sit with the others, yeah?”
I snap out of my happiness and focus back on what Mikey just said. My happiness is suddenly replaced by fear.
“Just ignore Gerard for now. He just needs to pout and bitch for a while. He'll get over it soon,” Mikey says, brushing off his brother's disappointment and sadness.

I look down briefly, then gather up my things and follow Mikey over to our table. Bob says a quick 'hi' to both Mikey and I, before he continues to ramble on about some movie. I can feel Gerard's resent for me as soon as I sit down, but moreover, I feel the pain he feels from being around me. I scooch away from him a bit.

I eat my lunch in silence, only looking up when Ray joins us. I don't see Gerard at all, not even when he and Bob get up and leave for their next class. Mikey disappears soon after and Ray runs off when the first warning bell resonates through the canteen. And then, I'm left alone, feeling distinctly like I deserve it.
♠ ♠ ♠
I've been hit with the plague.
At least it feels like it.
If I don't survive, I'll leave you my collection of cloud-pictures.
And now, I sound like a man.
See you soon! =D