Troubles

“Hey, do you wanna come over to our place after school?” Mikey asks casually, as if expecting that we'll all just say yes. Bob just grunts and Ray nods his head, so I guess it really is usual for them to agree to it. And since it's Tuesday, I nod myself and smile discretely at Gerard.

I actually don't feel nervous about telling the guys about us. I haven't told Mikey yet and by the looks of it, Gerard hasn't either, but I'm not nervous about how he'll react. Since Gerard told me Mikey already knows about Gerard's side of this, I think he'd just be happy for us when we tell him both sides. I'm not sure about Bob or Ray, but I've never been extremely close to them anyways. They're awesome and I wouldn't wanna lose them as friends, but I just don't feel as attached to them as I do Mikey – and now, Gerard as well.

Lunch and the rest of the day pretty much goes by unfazed, only a boring biology lesson slowing it down. By the time the final bell rings, I'm almost excited about going back to the Ways'. First of all, I'll be a guest again and not a freeloader, and second, I'll be visiting as Gerard's boyfriend. My stomach tickles at the thought.

Outside, Gerard is sitting in the driver's seat, but with his feet on the pavement. In front of him, Mikey's talking to him with wild arm movements. I smirk a little as I walk towards them, but when Mikey spots me and stops his conversation with Gerard, my smirk goes away again. Were they talking about me? Did I do something? Did I offend them somehow?

“Hi,” Gerard says happily and waves at me through the windshield. He looks genuinely happy to see me and by the way his eyes gaze brightly up at me, I can't help but feel shy and wanted.
“We were just waiting for you. Let's go.” Gerard turns and pulls his legs inside, giving Mikey a look that I don't get. He looks angry, but not entirely. Maybe it's just a look of annoyance. I can't quite place it.

Mikey walks around the car and gets in the passenger seat, and I quickly jump in the car and place myself and my bag on the back seat.

As we drive towards the Way's house, everything is quiet. Mikey usually doesn't mind chatting with other people around, and especially not with his brother or me around, so the silence makes me anxious. I feel as if they're staying quiet because they don't wanna talk to me, or because they wanna talk about something that involves me, but that I shouldn't hear.

Maybe they feel like I owe them something for all they did for me last weekend. I still feel like that, but they kept telling me that I shouldn't worry about it. But what if they do? People always say they don't want anything in return for a quick favor, but really, they do. And me staying with them wasn't just 'a quick favor' – it was life-saving.

I should do something to thank them. Like, buy them something. Or, thank them in some way.

I just have no idea how.

-----

While the others keep talking, I get up to go to the bathroom. I don't have to go, but only use it as an excuse. I grab my bag on my way through the hallway, and when I've locked the bathroom door, I bend down to search through my backpack.

Ray bought pizza and said we could just pay him whenever, and pretty much the second after Mikey had payed his share, I realized I don't have any money on me. I was hoping to find something in my bag, but as always, I have nothing.

I hate doing this all the time. I always go along with owing them money, but I never have any. And then I always eat less because I feel guilty for taking their money, when really, it isn't gonna get me out of paying the same amount as I agreed to in the first place.

I hate this! Why does the entire world have to revolve around money, and why is it always me who gets screwed over because I don't have any?

I sigh and zip my bag back up, before I unlock the door again and walk out of the small, white room. I almost bump into Gerard.

“Woops,” he says in a high-pitched voice, softly grasping my shoulders as he takes a step back.

At the exact same time, we both utter the word 'sorry'. I can't help but giggle at that, which seems to make Gerard giggle as well. I love the way his face scrunches up when he giggles. His cheeks turn all round and his tiny teeth poke out between his thin lips.

I snap out of my staring and step aside.

“Sorry,” I repeat, “did you wanna...?” I ask, trailing off and instead just pointing at the bathroom. Gerard shakes his head, though.

“No. I just wanted to ask if you wanted, uhm,” he starts, trailing off himself and glancing down at his shoes a few times before he continues, “ to tell them? Now?”

I'm a little taken aback, but only because I'd kinda forgotten about it. Ever since the food arrived with Ray – or the other way around – all I've been thinking about is the money that I suddenly owed him. I didn't forget about Gerard; I just forgot about the fact that no one else knew about us.

I nod and put on a smile.

Gerard smiles back, and my own grows a bit when I see how happy he gets, but also when I see his face scrunch up.

He takes my hand and pulls me towards the living room where the rest of the guys are lounging around, having a lazy conversation about something I don't quite catch. I drop my bag in the hallway, gaining Mikey's attention as Gerard and I walk through the doorway. Before Mikey sees more than just our faces, Gerard's grip on my hand loosens and I let my hand slide out of his. We walk around the couch and stop in front of the three on it. Gerard folds his arms over his chest, while I stuff my hands in my pocket. My fingertips grazes the quarter I have left from the money I found in a book in my locker and used to pay for lunch.

“Guys, uhm,” Gerard starts. I feel like I should say something, but I can barely even bring myself to look at anyone – not even Gerard.

I suddenly feel so nervous and anxious and scared. I've never told anyone that I was gay. I've never been in a relationship before, so even just telling anyone that I'm dating someone is new to me. And the fact that I now have to do both, and also tell my best friend that I'm dating his brother is suddenly...terrifying.

“Frank and I are,” he says slowly, then stops for a second. Within that second, his hand grazes mine. I look down at his, which dangles by his side as he says: “dating.” That one single word feels like a punch in the gut for me. I don't know why. I don't know if it's the fear of them suddenly hating us or just the butterflies from the excitement, but my gut just keeps hurting.

“Really?” Mikey asks. He sounds excited, but I can't bring myself to look up at his face for confirmation.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Gerard look at me. I can even feel his eyes on me. And I want to look up, I really do, but the anxious butterflies in my stomach keeps me hunched over in a weird way. I feel frozen.

Suddenly, I'm brought into a hug. Someone wraps their arms around me and squeezes me tightly. I finally glance up. Ray is still on the couch smiling, while Bob is gone and Mikey is squeezing me. I can't see Gerard for Mikey's head.

“I'm so happy for you,” Mikey whines into my ear, and slowly, I let a shy smile grow on my face and I bring my arms up to hug him back. My arms don't get far, though, because I stop when my ribs start to hurt. Luckily, Mikey lets go of me.

He's smiling wide at me, and I look over at Gerard to see him getting supportive pats on the back from both Ray and Bob. Everything is okay.