Somewhere in Between

What I had said to him was true, I would follow him anywhere and now that he had gone back, it was time for me to follow through.

He was gone and I had to go to him no matter what. I loved him, even if it meant doing the unthinkable. The thing I have never even had to think about because I had a good life but he came and turned it upside down, in a good way. Now I had to do it, to be with him because I know without him, eventually I would end up on the same path.

I went up and down the street looking for the best way to say goodbye because I knew if I told anyone directly they'd put me on suicide watch. That was one thing I would not stand for.

I wasn't suicidal; I just wanted to join my love and if that meant committing what people believed to be the biggest sin ever, so be it. As a matter of fact I needed just that to commit a sin and that was just the out I needed because I knew that if I went and got run over by a car I wouldn't end up where I wanted to go but just the opposite. Because the truth of the matter was Ryan wasn’t human. He was a demon. A lone soul sold to the devil and enlisted as a demon to do his bidding, serve as temptation to all the humans on the borderline of sinning. That was what Ryan was sent to do, tempt everyone in this town. He enlisted at my school and just his mere presence made people do crazy things. But falling for him wasn't crazy it was magical. I felt attracted to him from the moment I saw him and that attraction turned to like and then love the more I got to know him.

He was only in my life for a month but I know I love him and it's not just a phase where you think you’re in love but it's just lust or a really insane attraction. It was real love the kind of love you see in 82-year-old senior citizens who've been together since 60's. Eternal and everlasting.

I decided the best thing to do was write a note.

I love you guys with all my heart.
I'm sorry for what I did. I'd much rather tell you this in person but I’d know you'd put me on suicide watch and then send me to a counselor not because it's what you should do, but because you care so much about me that you'd do whatever it takes to help me get better. But if you do that I won't get better, I’ll only get worse. I'll spiral down until I end up flinging myself in front of cars.
I know I’m not giving a reason but you’re better off not knowing. I'll see you again someday.
I know it.
Love, Ian

Now that that was all said and done I felt a weight settle in my chest. Could I really do this? I felt I could, but human doubts were a bitch to get rid off.

I slowly grabbed the razor and nicked my jugular and slowly but surely the blood started to flow out. Even if my parents found me now there’s nothing they or anybody could do. Once you cut your jugular, it's all over. There’s nothing even the best surgeon in the world can do for you.

My last thoughts were 'please take me to him' repeated over and over again until I got dizzy from the blood loss and lost consciousness.

When I awoke what seemed like only minutes later I was standing in front of a large intimidating door. It was shockingly white but that didn't make it any less intimidating…the images carved into the door would make even the toughest person lose their lunch. Hundreds upon thousands of people in various stages of pain and torture. What got to me the most were their faces, so full of pain and helplessness it almost broke my heart. I knew where I was or more specifically, where I was standing in front of, but could I really enter that place? If this was the door, I could only imagine the things taking place inside.

Could I really go in there, only having the faintest clue as to what would await me? But I could, as long as I knew he was somewhere beyond that door, I could. I could walk through that door with my head up and my shoulders back and stand my ground at whatever was back there. And so I did.