Scattered Black Roses

After we pulled away, out-of-breath, I’d realized that I was on top of him. “Um, I, um, I fell okay?” I rolled off him.

“I know,” there was a smirk on Derrick’s face.

“Arrogant little bad boy…” I muttered to myself as I lied on my stomach in the grass beside Derrick.

He pulled me back on top of him and into another mind blowing kiss. His arms felt nice around me and it was hard not to pull him into my own. There was soothing between us, but I didn’t know what.

I pulled away quickly, “What if the neighbors see us?”

“I don’t know ‘what if?’?” he twirled a lock of my hair around his pointer finger.

I didn’t reply. Instead, I slid off him again. My body started to rise, but I sank back down knowing that my ankle would hurt like hell if I even thought of standing on it.

“Derrick, my parents will slaughter me if I’m not in my room when they wake up and if they hear of me and you kissing out here-!” I began to panic as I thought of what my parents would say about this.

He sat up and pulled me into his lap like the day I’d broke down in front of him. Derrick held my hands and kissed both of them. “Nothing will happen to you as long as I’m here.”

I leaned my back against his chest and felt secure. I’d never have thought I’d feel safe with a bad boy. But, here I am now doing just that.

“I should get you inside,” he moved me carefully out of his lap and into his arms once again. When he swept me up into his arms and stood Derrick’s shirt lifted up just enough to show his abs. What I didn’t expect to see on it were scratches, bruises, and scars. Quickly Derrick moved his shirt down with me still in his arms. I’d averted my gaze to pretend that I was looking up at the starry night and full moon.

I didn’t say anything about it as we made it on to the porch.

“Are you going to be okay getting to your room and all?” there was concern on his face as he lowered me down and kept a hold of me.

“I think I’ll make it there alive. Don’t worry,” I avoided letting my foot touch the ground.

“Are you sure?” he just barely loosened his grip on my waist.

“Yes, very sure,” I reassured him.

He looked skeptical, but his expression changed as he smiled. “We should do this again sometime. How about Tuesday night? We could go to my dad’s fan session and autograph signing together.”

“I’d love to go,” I replied as I leaned my back against the screen door cover.
Derrick wrapped his arms around my waist once more as he pulled me into another kiss. This kiss was slow, but passionate. Pretty damn good.
He pulled away and started to make his way down the porch steps. With a last look at me, he was on his way. Getting farther and farther away from me…

I sighed and searched my pockets for my cell phone. It was nowhere to be felt or seen. It was then that I remembered that my pockets felt lighter after being punched. “Derrick!” I called frantically.

Luckily he’d heard me and made his way back to the porch. “What is it? Is something wrong? You can’t make it to your room?” he bombarded me with questions.

I blushed at how close he was again, “I, um, I-I dropped my phone after I got hit by Tom, and I really, really need it!”

“Oh, Rose, are you coming with me or do you want me to get it by myself and come back when I have it?” I loved how he gave me options. It made me feel like I had a strong freewill.

“Do you mind if I go with you?” I asked unsure if I wanted to risk my parents waking up to a missing me.

“No, not at all,” he gave me a smirking smile of a bad boy.

“Oh, we can take my car! Here are my keys,” I handed him my key ring.
Derrick took the keys, unlocked my car, and carried me into the passenger seat.

“I’m a burden aren’t I?” I asked as he shut the door after he slid in.
“You’re not a burden. You’re just special,” he winked at me.

Seriously, he always knew the right thing to say. I don’t know how he had such an effect on me. Apparently, I needed lots of help. Therapy, oh sweet therapy!

Eventually, we made it back to my house. He was okay, but there I was with a swollen cheek and messed up ankle. Thankfully, we found my cell phone right where I’d dropped it.

I owed Derrick big time. He’d saved me from nearly getting raped and made the rapist, ahem Tom, apologize. That took a lot of guts.

“Do you need to take my car home? I’ll let you borrow it if you want,” I offered.

“No, I’ll be fine, really,” he kissed me one last time before he disappeared into the night (more like early morning, but still!).

I looked up at the full moon one time before getting inside and going to my room. Since the lights were out, I’d managed to run into the wall about five times. All credit goes to my klutz skills!

Finally, I’d limped into my bedroom without being noticed. I staggered to my bed and threw myself on to it. The mattress felt good underneath me.
I rested my head against my mountain of pillows and took a deep breath. Okay, I needed to sort out my thoughts so I wouldn’t go crazy. There was Benn, and there was Derrick. I’ve kissed both on the same day. No one really knew much about what was going on with me. I needed to keep it that way; just long enough to think.

Benn revealed some of the mysteries of his life to me. He showed me a place that meant the world to him and called it our place. It struck my heart deeply how sweet he was to me after we left the diner. The feel of his strong arms around me was like heaven on earth. It’d kill me to just walk away from him. Sure, he’d been a jerk to me at first, but I know now that it was just a cover to hide his affection from me and everyone else. He’s changed now; for the better, but almost the worse for me since Derrick reappeared in my life.

Derrick saved my v-card and stuck up for me; more than once. Without him, Tom would’ve gotten exactly what he’d wanted. I’ll never forget how gentle he was with me as he carried me home. There were no complaints or anything. He was silly at times, but really mature besides that.

Hell, I liked both of them; a lot. What the heck am I supposed to do? I couldn’t have both. All I have been doing was leading them on. Not good, Rose. Not good at all.

Guilt moved through my entire body. Did they even realize what I’d done? I’d played with their feelings like they were games! Of course I hadn’t meant to, but that’s what my stupidity got me into. I didn’t deserve anyone; not now and possibly not ever.

I have to think of a way to get them to hate me; or at least stop liking me. It’d be better that way. Playing with feelings wasn’t cool, and I’ve done it too much.

Matt was betrayed by me, so were Derrick and Benn, even Rena too.
I sighed heavily and limped to my mirror. I turned on the lamp beside it. In the reflection was a girl who had a black and blue cheek with a twisted ankle. The girl who made the reflection got everything she’d deserved.

In the mirror, the girl’s eyes were solemn and empty; just like mine. She knew betrayal just as I did. Her ripped clothes represented the wounds I’d created.

Quickly, I changed clothes and hid the torn clothes under my bed. Then I went back to the mirror. It was crystal clear so I could see perfectly.

“Do you see what you’ve done? You became a dishonest slut! No one will talk to you when they find out you whore!” “You’re stupid, worthless, and a major bitch! Why don’t you ever learn?!” I criticized myself over and over until I felt my stomach sink.

I dragged my twisted ankle across the carpet of my room and welcomed the pain. I kept moving it around so I could feel the pain sear through me. Slowly, the pain eased as I fell to the floor.

Darkness surrounded me, but I had no idea what happened until I woke up. Apparently, I’d passed out. Chances are that I was extremely exhausted mentally and physically.

I grabbed my cell phone and looked at the time. It was six in the morning. A good sign seeing that I’d only been passed out for a few hours.

Slowly, I got up, but winced as my ankle touched the ground. I’d forgotten that I was injured. Now was a good time to see all of the damage of last night. I made my way into the shower and bit my lip the second the hot water touched my bruised and scratched skin. There were a lot more than I’d expected, but I had no reason to complain since Derrick probably had much more than me.

After about ten minutes, I got out and wrapped a towel around myself. I looked in the mirror and noticed that I had dark rings under my eyes, although; at this point I couldn’t get the strength to sleep at all.

I went back to my room and changed into a green v-neck shirt with tan Capri’s. I’d left my hair un-brushed because I didn’t really care what I looked like. It wasn’t like I’d leave the house today anyways.

Quickly, I sat down on the edge of my bed. I flipped it open to turn it off, but the second I’d opened it, Derrick texted. There were two options on the screen; ‘ignore’ or ‘read’. My finger inched toward the ‘read’ option. After a second long thought, I hit ‘ignore’ and threw the phone out-of-sight so it’d stay out-of-mind.

I’m so very sorry, Derrick…my old friend…

I’m sorry Benn…my long-time crush….

I do regret what I’ve done.