Scattered Black Roses

A few weeks went by as I attempted to gather the courage to make things right again. For a few days I simply stayed home and tried not to cry my eyes dry. It worked; well almost whereas Rena wouldn’t tolerate my pathetic actions. But, I was getting better each day. With each day, my heart began to re-piece itself.

“Is today going to be the day?" Rena asked as she played with the door handle beside her inside my car.

“I don't know. I hope so, but at the same time, I don't," I admitted.

“Take as much time as you need, but it's best if you do it sooner than later."

“I know..."

"Don't worry. You can do it. I'm at your side," Rena smiled at me in encouragement.

I smiled back, “You're a good friend."

“I know," she joked.

Oh no. We were at the dreaded school. They were there like nothing ever happened.

It killed me to see them, but I had to be strong. Slowly, I got out of the car as Benn walked away from Derrick. I kept my gaze to the ground before I looked up after taking a deep breath and made my way to Derrick.

Derrick stayed where he was, but he didn't seem to notice me.
By the time I got to him, my throat tightened. I couldn't breathe or say anything. My eyes were focused on him, but I couldn't find the right words to say.

"Rose-" he noticed me after all.

I didn't stick around long enough to listen to what he was going to say. Tears were streaming down my cheeks already. They weren't tears of sadness, but tears of heartbreak. I'd thought that I wouldn't do this, but I was wrong. Dead wrong.

Rena ran up to me as I ran into the bathroom. She had out some tissues and handed them to me. Her silence made me feel better.

“I'm going to be okay," I sniffled as I wiped my tears away with the tissues.

Rena hugged me, “You're a strong person. You’ll get there."

I hugged her back and let go as a group of girls came in.

“Don't mind them. Just keep trying, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, hurry up. We can't be late."

“Yeah, wouldn't want to miss out on oh-so-fun education," I remarked sarcastically as she led me out of the bathroom.

“Mhm," she muttered as we reached our lockers.

“Rosie, incoming!" Rena warned as she passed by me to get to the girls bathroom to give me time to myself.

I turned around and spotted Derrick. He didn't look my way at all, which made me a little paranoid. It was like he knew that ignoring me was what would make me go insane.

It was now or never. I walked up to him with my head held high and positive thoughts. Well, mostly. “Derrick, what you saw-"

“I know what I saw. Words don't mean half as much as actions. Regret is all I feel after seeing what you did," he didn't look my way as he disappeared down the hall without another word.

Tears stung my eyes again. Every word that came from Derrick stabbed me like a serial killer stabbed their victims. He regretted everything he did with me... I hurt him... real bad. Yes, I deserved this, but I wanted to make things better between us.

“How did it go?" Rena came back.

I wiped a tear that slid down my cheek as she looked at me with a hopeful expression, “Not so good."

“Did he say anything?" she asked softly.

“Yeah, he regrets everything!" I could feel more tears coming down, but let them fall as I dropped to my knees by my locker and blamed myself for hurting Derrick and Benn… and me...

“Rosie, come on. I'll drive you home," she pulled me up and led me out the back door of the school.

I couldn't say anything. The tears wouldn't stop. Even worse, on the way out, I saw Benn watching me. There was no expression on his face and I was too far to see into his eyes. My shoulders shook as I cried in the passenger seat of my car. "Rena, I messed up. Big time," I sobbed, feeling like a helpless baby. I'd never cried like this before and I was never this emotional either.

“Honey, things will get better. Dry your tears and be optimistic," she pulled up my car on my usual space on the driveway.

I dried my tears and kept my eyes downcast. There was no hope for me to get the guys' trust back. I'd do anything for them to acknowledge me like they used to; except without the drama. "Give me a few more days," I told her as I got out of the car.

“Do I need to set them straight?" she asked as she followed me.

“Violence is not the answer." I reminded her.

“Aw, that's no fun!" she whined.

I laughed, but it wasn't easygoing and like the way I used to. Maybe I needed more time to solve this issue. I got myself into this so I'll get myself out.

Later on that day, I got out of the house and walked to the park where Derrick and I met up. There were no signs of people anywhere. It felt lonely, but I wasn't really looking for anyone anyways.

“Looking for someone?"

I whirled around and found Benn in front of the fountain.

He was simply watching the water flow. There was a distant look in his eyes; well, from what I could tell since his hair was covering them. His posture was at ease.

“Actually, no, but I'm glad to see you," I reluctantly admitted as I went to stand beside him.

“Why's that?" he kept his gaze to the fountain.

“Because I care about you," I meant it as I looked off in the distance embarrassed.

There was a moment of silence.

“Rose, look at me," he turned toward me.

“No," I couldn't gather up the courage to do it.

Benn got really close to me. His breaths were slow and his body was warm. He made no attempt to move the hair out of his eyes.

“Aren't you mad at me for not wanting to…?" I asked quietly.

“No, I can't stay mad at you," he moved so our bodies pressed together.

I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his chest. Since my ear was against his chest I could hear every beat of his heart. The beats matched mine.

Benn wrapped his arms around my waist and stroked the small of my back. "Rose, I want to ask you something and I hope you'll say yes," I could feel his breath against my neck.

“What is it?" my heart fluttered.

“Will you go out with me?" he asked while continuing to stroke my back.

My heart raced. It was the moment I’ve dreamed of since I was young. I took in a deep breath and smiled.

“Yes," I choked on a sob before I realized that I was crying.

He stopped stroking my back and kissed me. It was nothing like the other kisses we'd had. The kiss took my breath away and I was disappointed when he pulled away.

Benn was mine and I was Benn's. I was happy, but still something was off. Well I was definitely not going to ponder anything; I'd simply live in the moment like Rose the good girl. Then again, how could I be good after hanging out with bad boys? Who the hell was I anymore?