Dilapidate

I sat next to Roy. He sat there in silence just like the rest of our family members and friends. My mother, on the small stage giving a speech trying to hold her tears from falling. I tried to listen but my eyes stay on the body that lay in the black casket.
Was he really dead?
Was this really happening?
Yes. Yes it was.
Alian grabbed my hand holding it into hers with strength. She didn’t smile at me but replaced it with sympathy. Finally after three long hours I looked around. Aunt Libby held a white tissue to her face. Almost every female in the room had on a black veil with there long black gloves on each arm.

The priest said a few words and then everyone stood up in slow motion. I sat there waiting…

***

There couldn’t have been a better day. The gray pavement was thick with small gravel and the sky hanged from on top of us as we all stoop in silence walking to the graveyard. A black moth of umbrellas danced across the muddy grass. I’m not smiling but I wish I could, I really do.

The water rush to my eyes but it had gotten to my mother first. She was crying hard now with the sobs coming quick, no one could hold her as my dad did, calm her and give her butterflies. Did he give her butterflies?
“Oh heavenly father, as we gather here today to say our goodbye to John Malcolm Silversmith —” My father killed himself “— A father of two kids, Dakota and Roy.” Maybe I can wake up, I’ll pinch myself conscious. “Died at forty-three—” Why can’t he just get up. Get up and smile and lift me up like when I was only four, dad… dad…
“Dad! Daaadd!”

He was leaving me.

“Daaddd! Dad!” He was going away.

My hair was in my face and the tears keep falling. “Shhh, Dakota shh” she said to me trying to keep me up. I was falling bended and wounded. “Daad.” I said one more time. “Why can’t he get up? Why can’t he get up!” The pitches in my voice cause bitterness. People were covering there mouths, holding their tissue paper close. He was in the ground. So far to reach I would never be able to touch him. “Shhh, shhh.” Her blond silky hair fell to my face. “He’s gone… he’s gone.”
She rocked me back and forth shaking herself. This was it. No more but all over. He was.