You Know Something's Not Right When the Good Girl has been to Hell

They are absolutely impossible. They have ganged up on me (Mutiny! Mutiny!).
They both are presently giving me puppy dog eyes and my silent treatment is melting along with my heart and falling to my feet.
See that red gross stuff?
That’s my heart.
This is so not fair!
I will not cave.
I will not cave.
Then a Books-a-Million back appeared from behind Xavi and Ash’s backs.
A REALLY big BAM bag.
He didn’t.
He wouldn’t.
He couldn’t.
Of course he did!
This is blackmail.
Very persuasive blackmail.
Because in that Lizzy-sized bag is all the books in my favorite series, The Dark-Hunter Series by Sherrilyn Kenyon.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
And Xavi knew just how long I had been saving up for them, and what do you bet that they are hardcover?
I was saving up $200 for just the paperbacks and here they are rubbing my poor-dom in my face.
This was so unfair.
Books?
Anger?
Books?
Anger?
BOOKS!
I screeched like a banshee right there (we are at my apartment) and lunged at them.
They both screamed as I knocked them both over and got them both in chokeholds.
“Can’t…bre *wheeze*athe.” Xavi was being his usual drama king self.
And Ash, having to put in his perverted opinion, muttered, “It’s not so bad, bro. I, personally could get used to this.”
Here’s why he could “get used to this”.
My leg was thrown over his and my hand had landed in the vicinity of his crotch.
Figures. It just freaking figures.
I jerked my hand and leg away like they were on fire.
For punishment I snuggled up to Xavi causing Ash to growl.
“Is Ashy jealous?” I mocked in a baby voice.
Let me just tell you that I was not expecting the response I received.
“Very.” and I was ripped from Xavi’s cuddle-able teddy bear (yes Xavi is that teddy bear like. I just have to keep reminding you of that to embed it into your brains. Xavi is a TEDDY BEAR.) like body and nestled into Ash’s much harder torso (in more ways than one).
“Ummm, Ash. You have a little…uh…friend?”
I am not used to this.
I am really not used to this.
“Only for you sweetheart.”
Before I could respond Xavi decided to put in his half of a cent.
“Words I’ve always wanted to hear. THIS is why I want a sex change.” he pouted.
“NO! I don’t want you to be a girl! You wouldn’t be my Xavi anymore!” I cried dramatically. Hey, Xavi’s dramatism is contagious.
“Only for you, my love. Only for you.” he said, picking up my hand and kissing it.
“EWWW. I kissed girl!”
He fake wiped off his tongue.
“You don’t know what your missing. Girls are delicious.” Ash looked down at me and licked his lips.
I wiggled, uncomfortable with being looked at like a piece of meat when I felt something bite my on my butt (not really. Wiggling in guys laps=happy “little” guy= hence the “nudge” I received on butt.)
I tried to get up but he had an iron grip (why are girls so weak? We give birth and yet we are the weaker sex. I say that a guy should have a period and give birth at least once and see how they feel when they get us pregnant! Let’s mutiny against the male persuasion. Let me know the time and place! Let’s get them pregnant somehow!).
“Xavi (my turn for puppy dog eyes. Hehe. Using their tactic against them. They don’t stand a chance.) please get me away from this Neanderthal.”
That earned me a “Hey!” from Ash and a indecisive look from Xavi.
I got him right where I want him.
Time to hatch my plan.
“Please, Xavi. I’m scared.” I said, my voice quavering and fake tears began to fall from my eyes.
Oh, he just couldn’t resist.
“Ash, LET HER GO.”
Yes, I got him Xavier mode!
Ash is smarter than I thought and let go of me, but not before muttering, “Fine.”
I jumped out of his lap and grinned in triumph.
I am so evil.
I grabbed the BAM bag greedily and went to stare at my treasure like a pirate until I found my ultimate treasure (in the movies pirates have one piece that they hold above all the other booty. So I thought I might need one. )
Where is it?
Where is it?
He better have got it.
There!
Acheron!
Yay!
“YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!”
I got a confused and pained expression from Ash and a grin and a shake of the head from Xavi.
He knew just what had happened.
“I LOVE YOU!”
“I know you do sweetheart. Did you think I would leave out your dream man?” Xavi chuckled.
“Dream man? Who is he? Where does he live?”
Jealous Ashy came back out of his little turtle shell.
I’m gonna make him squirm.
“Just this totally hot guy I have liked for a really long time. I think he’s beginning to like me back.” I sighed dreamily for dramatic affect. See, Xavi’s dramatism is contagious.
Ash narrowed his eyes.
“What’s his name?”
“Acheron Parthenopaeus.”
“Where does he live?”
“Here in the US but he’s originally from Greece.” by now Xavi was trying not to laugh so hard that he sounded like he was choking to death.
“How old is he?”
“11558.”
“My great grandfather isn’t even that old! You have got to be shitting me!”
I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I began to giggle.
So there we were, Ash looking at me and Xavi like idiots as we rolled on the floor laughing.
When we had calmed down (a good ten minutes later) Ash asked, “What’s so funny?”
“Acheron, or Ash, is a fictional character in a book series. He’s not real. But the look on your face was so worth it!”
He growled at me.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Oops?”
“I’ll show you oops!” he threatened as he lunged at me.”
“Ahhhh!” I screeched as I tried to dodge him but was tackled to the ground.
So here we are, me pinned beneath him and us staring like love-struck idiots into each other’s eyes.
Then Ash’s dark head lowered.
And my eyes fluttered closed.
And our lips met.