Breathe It All In
One Month
My nail polish.
I focused all of my attention on my nail polish. To be specific, the nail polish on my middle finger on my right hand. I thought if I counted every silver sparkle that had been mixed in with the pink paint, I might not recheck my phone alarm to make sure it would be going off in less than five minutes. I though if I tried to figure out what shape the chip on the polish was, I wouldn't think about what I did last month for the first time.
It didn't work.
I wrung my hands together as I closed my eyes, my mind going back to that warm August night. I was wearing a new sundress and sandals when I walked up to my friend Jackie's house for her 21st birthday party. Thank goodness her house was set back in the forest from the other houses on the street so no one could hear the loud music. Jackie insisted on a big party so she could introduce her Lebanon, Missouri friends to her fancy artsy college friends from the big city.
I knocked on the door to have it opened by Jackie, wearing a short dress and no shoes. She was already intoxicated as she pulled me into a hug. I hugged back before handing her the present I made for her.
"I'm so happy you're here! Come meet my friends!" Jackie said before taking my hand and leading me into her main room. There were people everywhere. Some I knew, some I didn't. Jackie's doorbell rang again, so she was off back towards the door as I went over to a group of people I knew.
While I talked to them, a familiar face joined our group on the couches. I've seen him mingling with friends before, but I had never been formally introduced to him. This first thing I noticed about him that night was his beautiful hair. He looked at me, and I gave him a smile before going back into the conversation. His grin made my stomach flip.
The alarm on my phone went off, shaking me completely from my thoughts of him as I reached down from my seat on the sink onto the toilet seat to pick up the pregnancy stick. I bit my lip before looking down at my fate.
The little pink line said everything.
I was pregnant.
I focused all of my attention on my nail polish. To be specific, the nail polish on my middle finger on my right hand. I thought if I counted every silver sparkle that had been mixed in with the pink paint, I might not recheck my phone alarm to make sure it would be going off in less than five minutes. I though if I tried to figure out what shape the chip on the polish was, I wouldn't think about what I did last month for the first time.
It didn't work.
I wrung my hands together as I closed my eyes, my mind going back to that warm August night. I was wearing a new sundress and sandals when I walked up to my friend Jackie's house for her 21st birthday party. Thank goodness her house was set back in the forest from the other houses on the street so no one could hear the loud music. Jackie insisted on a big party so she could introduce her Lebanon, Missouri friends to her fancy artsy college friends from the big city.
I knocked on the door to have it opened by Jackie, wearing a short dress and no shoes. She was already intoxicated as she pulled me into a hug. I hugged back before handing her the present I made for her.
"I'm so happy you're here! Come meet my friends!" Jackie said before taking my hand and leading me into her main room. There were people everywhere. Some I knew, some I didn't. Jackie's doorbell rang again, so she was off back towards the door as I went over to a group of people I knew.
While I talked to them, a familiar face joined our group on the couches. I've seen him mingling with friends before, but I had never been formally introduced to him. This first thing I noticed about him that night was his beautiful hair. He looked at me, and I gave him a smile before going back into the conversation. His grin made my stomach flip.
The alarm on my phone went off, shaking me completely from my thoughts of him as I reached down from my seat on the sink onto the toilet seat to pick up the pregnancy stick. I bit my lip before looking down at my fate.
The little pink line said everything.
I was pregnant.